Customer Reviews

Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome

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"I love this book. I want to order one for every client I have. Finally, a book written for women about men by the world's leading expert on men's health. Dr. Diamond has spent close to a half a century as a psychotherapist helping men and the women who love them. Mr. Mean is the preeminent guide for women that answers the critical questions we have about how we can help ourselves, our men and our marriages. This is a book every woman must buy for herself and for every woman she cares about. It is a book that transcends gender and will be of huge value to men as well."

-- Jackie Black, Ph.D., author of Couples & Money: Cracking the code to ending the #1 conflict in marriage.

Guys, are you turning into your dad? Me, too. Maybe it's not everybody else that's making us furious. Maybe the problem is us. Women are not the only ones changing hormonally as they get older, and we should stop being silent about it. This book is a great primer for a new idea that needs to get a lot more traction in the mainstream media. It explains what men are experiencing at different ages and how to deal with it, and how to save your relationships. It's a great way for women to understand men as they get older, and it's the perfect way to help men become aware of themselves. This terrific book opened my eyes. It will save a lot of marriages.

This book is a must read for those who are experiencing a man going through a mid life transition. Jed approaches a man midlife passage with understanding and sensitivity of what men are thinking and why they act as they do during this extremely difficult period in a couple's life. He gives women the insight as to what her spouse is likely going through, as well as many ideas of what a wife needs to do during this stressful period of their marriage. What does a wife do when her husband turns from a loving Dr. Jekyll to a horrible Mr. Hyde? Why does a husband lashes out at the people who love him the most? How does a man's shame and woman's fear work against two people loving one another?

Jed digs deeply into the irritable man's thinking, helping those who love their irritable man, better understand how to cope with one of the most difficult times in a couples relationship.

If you want to understand your irritable man better, need things you can do to help yourself through this stressful period in your relationship, need things you can do to help your man through this confusing period of his life...then this book will be very helpful to read. It also addresses gay couples who might be experiencing the sudden change in a partner.

From the point of view of a family therapist who has spent a lifetime working with couples, I can say that Mr. Mean is required reading for any woman in a relationship with a man. What a relief to find a book that finally explains the hidden thoughts and feelings of men who are secretly struggling to feel good about themselves. Mr. Mean explains the jumbled-up feelings of men who are seething inside and provides a road map for the women who love them.

Jed Diamond's latest book about Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) is an eye-opener, and a heart-opener, for wives, mothers, sisters and life partners. Not only does the book help women understand this particularly 'male' mid-life transition...it is an excellent guide to finding ways to help connect with one another even during the most difficult days. There's also a wealth of practical advice on how women can save both their relationships, and themselves, from the damage that can occur in the wake of IMS. A recommended read!

When the man you know and love becomes a cruel stranger, Jed Diamond's new book, Mr. Mean, is what you need. His earlier book, Surviving Male Menopause, helped us understand what a man experiences physically and emotionally during that life transition. The Irritable Male Syndrome took up the explanation for men of all ages that exhibit these volatile behaviors. While both books included advice directed toward the man's partner, this book is written expressly for women. It includes a wealth of information about the Irritable Male Syndrome, but this time the focus is on the well being of the partner.

The question and answer format makes the book reader friendly. You can peruse the chapter headings and go straight to the issue that concerns you most. Dealing with a man with IMS is energy and morale sapping for the partner. This book offers a multitude of ways to understand what is happening and why, some strategies to heal the relationship, and most significantly, how to practice good self-care. It will help you answer the essential questions. "How do I deal with IMS?" "How do I take care of myself?" "Should I leave or should I stay?"

According to new research, humans seem to find greatest happiness early in adulthood and then again late in life, beyond 60. Between those bookends looms a mid-life slump when we feel least happy with our situation.

For American men, that deep trough arrives around age 56, a chronological anniversary that so many men are now experiencing. The low point for American women arrives nearly a decade earlier, possibly in tandem with menopause and empty nesting.

Roughly ten million American men are now between 55 and 59, so, according to this research, millions are struggling with depression and futility that robs us of our sense of life satisfaction, our happiness. It's not too much of a leap to conclude that many of these men are grappling with a potential wasteland of an aging life, a sunset not fully validated with continuing engagement, enrichment and purpose.

Unprecedented aging of the male population, coupled with contemporary economic and social challenges, has created a crisis that many women must understand, confront and manage. Individual men may feel powerless against external forces of unemployment, layoffs, downsizing, chronic disease and disempowerment.

Boomer men are searching for answers to complex challenges connected with male aging; some of these challenges foment anger and depression. Some men lash out; some men direct their anger and frustration at the women they love most.

Mr. Mean has substantial value for Boomer women who are trying to address significant and unpredictable changes in the men they love. This well-crafted, insightful book provides Boomer women and men with knowledge, encouragement and practical coping strategies.

Jed Diamond's sensitivity to this life-stage passage is profound and uplifting. His book is a gift for frustrated women, and especially for the men they love who need insights and skills to move forward into what can become the most productive and happiest stage of life.

I have no issue with growing old. But as the half-century mark looms the model I always believed, that I would enjoy each age for what it brings, gets more difficult to realize. Getting older means obvious things like worse hangovers and increased pain in the joints, feet and, okay, you don't want to hear it. None of that prevents us from emerging into our 50s and 60s as the wise, somewhat grizzled but still shockingly handsome men we expected to become when we were in our teens.

Jed Diamond helps us understand what's happening. He puts it in context so we can recognize it and, better than trying to fight it, we can make our peace and actually enjoy the yearnings that could otherwise destroy the things in life we truly value. Jed shows you how. You can still get a sports car, but you don't need to alienate the people who have made the journey thus far with you.

What's even more helpful, though, is to read this book (you'll knock it back in a day!) and then give it to someone who loves you. It's a wonderful gift.

What I got from "Mr. Mean" was the understanding I needed to resume the path I always believed I was on, but that seemed to disappear in the last few years. I'm aging gracefully again, happily. I enjoy the wisdom gleaned with each year and it looks like I will become the distinguished gentleman I always pictured. And, yes, I'm going to be a dirty old man, too. One thing at a time.

Thanks, Dr. Diamond!

The down to earth tone of Jed Diamond's, Mr. Mean, is such that as I was reading it I found his words melding with the reassuring, calming and insightful voice of a friend. A wise and trusted friend who cares enough and knows enough to be helpful without being judgmental. Such is the power of good, sound advice from someone who knows what he's talking about and has the courage and greatness of mind not to keep it to himself. As some men are want to do.

Dr. Jed explains in accessible, powerful language why this is so.

Through the book, each of us gets to go one-to-one with one of the world's leaders in the men's health movement. To help us help ourselves and the troubled men we love, Dr. Jed divided the book into 32 short chapters, each addressing a specific question and ending with space for our own notes.

We seldom turn to books like Mr. Mean unless we're in troubled, troubling relationships, or we know someone who is and we want to help. But, this book made me feel good about being a human, because it made me mindful that even though we may do or say hurtful things to those we love, we're not unworthy, inadequate or bad. We just have problems arising from stressors, such as fear, shame and guilt, that we oftentimes keep hidden from ourselves. None of which has to defeat us, however tempted we may be to act out our frustration or give in to our despair.

Dr. Jed ends Mr. Mean with a poetical, beautiful dance of words and wisdom that speaks to the heart of those of us pursuing the Dances of Love. One way or another, we all like to dance, not just dance, but do it well. This book helps us get the steps right, the way we want and need them to be, so we can be good lovers and be loved for it.

For more than 40 years, therapist Jed Diamond's personal and professional life has revolved around helping men and women who love them. Now he offers advice for women bewildered by a male partner's irritability, anger, and withdrawal. He explains the reasons, the dynamics, and what she can do to help. Sound advice plus reader stories may help you save your marriage.

--Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty