Mr. Right Is out There: The Gay Man's Guide to Finding and Maintaining Love [Paperback]

Kenneth D. George (Author), Dr. Kenneth D. George (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1, 2000

Chapter One: Love and Relationships

After you meet Mr. Right, at some point in the relationship you will both say, "I love you." What do you mean when you say, "I love you"? What does he mean when he says, "I love you"? What does anyone mean when he says it? Love is a word we have all used at one time or another, but it is also a word that carries many meanings.

I have asked hundreds of gay men, "What is love?" and there has been no shared or agreed-upon answer. Even lovers have different answers. When I ask male couples who are experiencing major problems why they are staying together, they usually say, "Because we love each other." This answer doesn't tell me much.

What does love mean to you? Your answer is important and may help you understand your past, present, and future relationships. It may also help you figure out why you may have trouble forming and developing long-term relationships.

What You May Have Learned About Love

As a child, you learned that if you were really good, your mother said, "I love you." If you were punished for being bad, you may have been told, "Mommy still loves you." Early in life you learned what you needed to do to be loved. You conformed to your parents' expectations, which guaranteed your parents' love and protection. You believed you wouldn't be abandoned if you met their expectations. You believed you were safe if you were loved. As a child, you tested your parents' love and their limits. You placed demands on them to make sure they continued to love you. You learned from your parents about love.

As an adolescent, you learned about love from television, movies, and friends. You found yourself attracted to someone, and you were told you were in love. You may have also been told this was puppy love or adolescent love and that it would not last long. You saw sexual intimacy and were then told this was love. You learned the word love and associated it with various definitions.

Love has different meanings for different people, which makes it almost impossible to know how the word is being used by anyone. Some of the following expressions are just a few uses of the word love:

o "I fell in love the moment I saw you." (Love means being sexually attract

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

This practical and accessible guide to gay romance aims to help men surrender the "Prince Charming fantasy" and learn to find and attract Mr. Right. For men who haven't examined their pasts or the ways in which they typically choose partners, the book may be as good as six months of therapy. The author provides case scenarios and "assignments" to help bring new ideas home. At the core of the suggested strategies are self-knowledge and self-esteem. "We do not consciously pick lovers who are wrong for us," writes Kenneth George. "Invariably, there is a good reason for our selection--an emotional process to be completed, a discovery to be made, a psychological process to be worked through." Chapters like "Being Emotionally Intimate" and "Negotiating and Resolving Differences" may even be of interest to established couples, particularly the discussion of when to seek counseling and a list of ways to get through a difficult breakup. Less useful is a perfunctory chapter devoted to rekindling passion in a long-term relationship. Whipped cream is really best left for pie. --Regina Marler

Review

"A helpful guide to finding someone who's right for you

, and learning to nurture your relationship once you've found him!" -- Rik Isensee, LCSW, author of Love Between Men

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 232 pages
• Publisher: Alyson Books; First Edition edition (April 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1555835066
• ISBN-13: 978-1555835064
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.8 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #220,430 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

84 of 86 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Mr. Right Is Out There, April 10, 2000

By 

Charlie Perkins (Lexington, KY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mr. Right Is out There: The Gay Man's Guide to Finding and Maintaining Love (Paperback)

-How do you find him? This is a difficult question for many people, but especially so for most gay men. The author, Dr. (Professor) Kenneth D. George starts by telling the reader not to internalize society's homophobic messages that gays are "sick, deviant or abnormal". Gay men are entitled, in fact, empowered to have a workable LOVING relationship with another gay man. As Marianne Williamson says in her new book, Enchanted Love, we must "Prepare to BE the beloved". As a gay doctor writing for gay men, Dr. George gives expert advice on doing the real work of discovering who we are, and what our strengths and weaknesses are before venturing on to discover "Mr. Right". In a step by step, easy to understand plan (with DO-ABLE exercises and activities), Dr. George leads the reader through the mostly NOT so painful process of discovering what he needs to know about himself before he can enter into a LOVING RELATIONSHIP with another gay man.

This is not a sex manual, although there is a chapter the reader will not want to miss --- on sex. Using actual people, the author explores the entire spectrum of the "do's and don'ts" of gay relationships. With chapters such as "Being Emotionally Intimate", "Becoming a Male Couple" and "Negotiating and Resolving Differences", be prepared to be challenged. If you are a younger gay man, this book will guide you in getting started on the right foot. If you are a mature gay man (what can I say?), then this book will help you see just what you might do differently as you FIND "Mr. Right". There is little room for failure here. Dr. Kenneth D. George is a professor at the University of Pennsylvania and runs a private practice in psychotherapy, working with gay single men and gay couples. It has taken many years for him to write this little book. He's been busy finding his own Mr. Right. He and his partner, Christopher Beck (an artist) have found each other. They celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary by enjoying a cruise on the Queen Elizabeth II --- a GAY cruise. In their vows to each other ...well, I'll let you read that for yourself.

Charlie Perkins

19 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What is it that you REALLY want???, February 7, 2001

By 

Edwin Camacho (Los Angeles, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mr. Right Is out There: The Gay Man's Guide to Finding and Maintaining Love (Paperback)

For one, when I read a book and it changes my life I want to pass it on to my friends. If that is any inclination how this book possessed me, you should know that I have bought 5 other copies for friends.

This book is beyond what words on this screen can say. Words that fit; Enlightening, Challenging, and Comprehensive. Not only will you reinvent yourself but you can completely outline what it is that you are looking for, in a healthy relationship.

Being broken up recently from a relationship, that I should not have been in, this book helped me realize that the person I was with was Mr. Wrong and the only thing standing in my way from meeting Mr. Right, was myself...and the fact that I did not want to let go.

Please take the time and read this book. It will help you... This is not only for the single crew, if you are in a relationship it will make you evaluate whether or not you are with the right person. I would love to recommend this book to anyone I date prior to officially starting the dating process...:-)

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book!, May 12, 2005

By 

the_pool_of_tears (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mr. Right Is out There: The Gay Man's Guide to Finding and Maintaining Love (Paperback)

Great book... who knew most gay men suffered from internalized homophobia??? It reinforces some of things from Joe Korts (Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Life) It's definatley worth reading!