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Mrs. Beast [Kindle Edition]

Pamela Ditchoff
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $4.99
 
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  • Length: 178 pages (estimated)
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Book Description

OVER 12,000 KINDLE EDITIONS DOWNLOADED!

Top 10 Amazon "Beauty and the Beast" eBook (June 2012, July 2012, August 2012)

One day Pamela Ditchoff sat down to answer the age-old question of what happened to those famous fairy tale princesses after “Happily Ever After”. In her third novel, Mrs. Beast, award-winning writer Pamela Ditchoff unveils an enchantingly dark, but humorous and enlightened story about what became of the great fairy tale beauties after they said “I Do”.

Mrs. Beast begins with Beauty, who shortly after marrying the Prince realized she preferred her loving Beast to the vain and eccentric Prince. Leaving the comforts of the castle behind, she embarks on a quest to find Elora, the enchantress who changed the beast into a Prince, and convince her to change him back into the Beast. Her quest takes her through Grimm Land, a place where angst clings and spreads like lichen, and where she meets Snow White, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella and learns what became of them after they married their princes. Snow White lives in a commune deep in the woods with the Seven Dwarfs, their seven wives and many children. Rapunzel lives in the low end of Storyendburg and makes her living on the streets. Sleeping Beauty is an opium addict living in the Kingdom of Dreams, and Cinderella hides behind a veil refusing to accept the toll aging has taken. Ms. Ditchoff turns fairy tale beauty inside out and invites the reader to do the same in this delicious twist on these fairy tale classics.


Product Details

  • File Size: 617 KB
  • Print Length: 178 pages
  • Publisher: Stay Thirsty Press - a Division of Stay Thirsty Media, Inc. (March 22, 2009)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B001YQF59K
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #639,285 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

3.7 out of 5 stars
(29)
3.7 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
53 of 57 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Misses Beast January 3, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Fairy tale retellings aren't new to me. Most of them are okay rather than great, but I still like to see where the authors go with them. Mrs. Beast is not something I'd ever recommend to anybody. There's nothing very wrong with the actual writing aside from a few misused words and abused apostrophes. Beauty's hair clacks together, which made me think she was Pinocchio's girlfriend for a moment. I took German for a semester, which is enough to know "Kalbskopf" is probably not calf's lungs. Oh, well. Those things are forgivable.

There were parts I couldn't forgive. There's a part early on that mentions Beauty got it on with Beast before he turned into a human. Fortunately, no details are provided, except for the sperm comparison. The author thought we should know the color and texture of Prince Runyon's semen vs. the wonderful ejaculate of Beast. Apparently, Beast's was pine-scented. (Yeah, I didn't make that up. I imagined Beast chasing Beauty around with a tree-shaped car freshener dangling from his...ahem, I'll stop there.)

There's a fairy godmother character whose every appearance heralds a litany of brand names, like Cuisinart, Milk Bones, and Versace. I don't know what the point of it was. The whole story is trapped between modern and old-fashioned, where people ride horses yet refer to tri-planes. There are too many useless characters, like the dwarves and their wives. Did we need to know what all seven wives were wearing in one paragraph? Maybe it's important later in the story. Perhaps someone who finished the book can let us know. I only got halfway in, and that was due to sheer determination and perversity.

The author equates beauty with stupidity. The characters don't connect with each other in a real way.
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Execrable execution of a not-bad idea! March 5, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Beauty's Beast became a callous, unloving fop when he lost his beast form, and Beauty sets out on a quest to turn him back into the Beast she loved.

While the story idea itself wasn't bad, the execution was awful. Ditchoff mixes tenses and flashbacks without regard to the poor reader trying to follow the storyline. She confuses words, such as "bridal path" for "bridle path" - both useful but NOT interchangeable. When a couple of dwarves come to Beauty's aid and accidentally uncover her "ta-tas," I couldn't take any more.
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13 of 14 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Beauties be aware! May 9, 2010
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I loved the first chapters and had a good laugh. I specially liked the enchantress behind the scenes and her self made mutt; and admired the courage of Beauty and her quest to get her loving Beast back after finding the grass is always greener in the human side. Her early misfortunes and encounters with other famous story book beautie were original and funny, but alas! the enjoyment soon faded soon turning into a noir overload. I like dark humor, satire, noir etc. but in moderation. One by one, the beauties that Beauty encountered, from Snow White, to Cinderella, and without an exception they were all damaged and incapable of being nurturing, loving, caring,and unable to have a good relationship. Besides their beauty, they were endowed with few reedeming qualities and doomed forever after.. Beauties be aware, there is not a happy ending unless you are NOT!!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting idea, some developmental issues June 3, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Mrs. Beast, or the Beauty who won the heart of the Beast, finds that being wed to her now transformed Prince is no fairy tale. He's a selfish, narcissistic airhead who learned nothing from his beastly experience. Beauty sets out to find a way to restore him to his physically ugly, but inwardly noble incarnation. And here is where the story begins to lose me- Beauty can't accept that her princely husband is flighty and imperfectly obnoxious, but happy being himself. She wants to change him to suit herself. Thus the expectant Beauty begins her journey to reclaim her own happiness at the expense of his. Along the way she meets about every famous fairy tale beauty there is, each miserably unhappy and deluded with her reality, and usually making everyone around her miserable, too. Yes, beauty is such a burden. After a while the shrill bleating of these empty souls overwhelms whatever point the author was making. I read this as a free download and would recommend waiting it is free again if you're tempted to read it.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars When a Prince shows his True Colors November 6, 2010
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Mrs. Beast is currently available via Kindle on Amazon. I purchased it since Beauty and the Beast was my all time favorite fairy-tale (thanks Disney). Truely this book is not a happily-ever-after musical. In fact its rather Grimm and disturbing. It has a similar feel of Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (Wicked Years) by Gergory Maguire. I admit Mr. Maguire is one of my least favorite authors but can twist a dirty tale. Ms. Ditchoff is a bit different. She is not afraid to make her readers blush. She has Beauty speak of her sexual encounters with the Beast and how she would wished he never became human. Therefore seeks out the witch to turn her prince back into the Beast.
This book is not for the Teens of the Twilight Saga. Ms. Ditchoff is a Professor and writes and educational and questioning tale of the Grimm fairy tales. I can not say I loved this book. I think bringing Zoophilia into the story tainted it but I that subject just grosses me out.

So why should you read this book? Well it has an interesting take on fairy tales and what they represented to the people who created them. Some of the psychology surprised me. It asks the questions Disney painted over. What really happens after happily-ever-after? Can a prince really change his lifestyle after he is turned into a Beast? and What is the price beauty pays for beautiful people?

I must say this book is intriguing. I would like to meet the author and if ever partake in her classes. She must be something. I might regret it but I am strongly considering reading the sequel PRINCESS BEAST.

Buzz Worthy? Very Much So but not for the reasons i usually read books or my favorite fairy tale

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars AMAZING.
loved it. i couldnt put it down....
better then wicked... i do so wish that i could find these books elsewhere other then kindle, like apple or the nook. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Ely W.
5.0 out of 5 stars a fairy tale for women
What happens after the wedding? Can a beauty truly be a normal wife and mother? The story of our favourite fairy tale beauties and what really happened when they tried to live... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Judith
5.0 out of 5 stars WOW
I had the best time reading this book! Life is not a fairy tale. Every young lady needs to read this book. Great message...
Published 7 months ago by Teresa Cavaliere DePoli
1.0 out of 5 stars Horrible
I am a lover of all things Beauty & the Beast, but this retelling just left me cold. The beast was disgusting. I couldn't bear to finish this book, or even skim it. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Katherine Lee
1.0 out of 5 stars charming premise confused by mysteriously changing points of view and...
The story was...well, implausible. Even for a fairy tale. Spelling and grammar issues were rife, and the author's tendency to switch points of view was mind numbing. Read more
Published 18 months ago by Anna Kirby
3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
Interesting twists and turns to fairy tales we all know and love. A bit of a downer,I prefer happier books and happily everafters.
Published 20 months ago by bratj
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful!
I just adored this book! When I first started reading I thought it was silly, but soon I found that I couldn't put it down. Read more
Published 22 months ago by J. Banks
1.0 out of 5 stars Beauty huh?...disappointed.
I had trouble finish reading this book. It felt endless. I ended up skimming long, endless, and pointless descriptions. I thought the idea had potential. Read more
Published on April 15, 2013 by Paige
3.0 out of 5 stars Cute
I thought it was very interesting the way the author viewed fairy tales. I never would have imagined such sad ever afters.
Published on April 2, 2013 by Clariese
5.0 out of 5 stars I enjoyed this book
This was an interesting story. I will never think the same about Walt Disney's fairy princesses again. You couldn't help but root for the heroine and her tenacity. Read more
Published on February 23, 2013 by Diane Sparks
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More About the Author

Biography

Pamela Ditchoff lives in Liverpool, Nova Scotia.

Career

In the mid-1980's, Ditchoff worked at WFSL-TV47 in Lansing, Michigan as head copywriter/creative consultant and then as a Graduate Teaching Assistant at Michigan State University. During this period, her early fiction and poetry was published in various literary magazines.[1].

Ditchoff's first book, Poetry: One, Two, Three, was published by Interact Press, an educational publisher, in 1989, as a guide for teaching poetry in the classroom.[2]

In 1993, Ditchoff was recognized in Who's Who in Writers, Editors & Poets: United States & Canada, 1992-1993[3] for her significant literary contributions.

Ditchoff's first novel,The Mirror of Monsters and Prodigies[4], Coffee House Press, 1995, was a semi-fictional oral history of dwarves, giants, conjoined twins, bearded women, and other special people. The book was featured in a segment on NPR's All Things Considered[5].

In 2003, Ditchoff's second novel, Seven Days & Seven Sins, was published by Shaye Areheart Books at Random House. Labeled a modern-day Our Town[6], the novel explored the subtle tragedies and the hope for redemption tucked deep inside every house in an average suburban neighborhood in Lansing, Michigan.[7]

Ditchoff moved to Liverpool in 2006 and completed her third novel, Mrs. Beast, about the lives of the Grimm's Fairy Tales princesses after they said "I Do". Stewart O'Nan, author of Snow Angels, said: "Mrs. Beast riffs on the story of Beauty and the Beast in a funky, contemporary way, much like Anne Sexton's Transformations took on the fairy tale, or John Gardner in his children's books. Pamela is a writer of great talent, ambition, and accomplishment."[8]

Mrs. Beast was published by Stay Thirsty Press, a division of Stay Thirsty Media, Inc., in March 2009, first as an eBook on the Amazon Kindle Platform for the Kindle, the iPhone and the iPod touch.

In September, 2010, Stay Thirsty Press published Ditchoff's sequel to Mrs. Beast, Princess Beast.

The Book Of Leaves was pubished in May, 2012 by Amazon's Create Space.

Works
Novels
* The Book Of Leaves, May, 2012
* Princess Beast, Stay Thirsty Press, 2010.
* Mrs. Beast, Stay Thirsty Press, 2009. ASIN: B001YQF59K [1]
* Seven Days & Seven Sins, Shaye Areheart Books, Random House, 2003.
ISBN 978-0609609798 [2]
* The Mirror of Monsters and Prodigies, Coffee House Press, 1995.
ISBN 978-1566890359 [3]

Non-fiction

* Lexigram Learns America's Capitals, Interact Press, 1992
* Poetry: One, Two, Three, Interact Press, 1989

Poetry and short fiction

* Lakeside Park Concert, Gargoyle #48, 2005[9]
* Fourteen in I Am Becoming The Woman I Wanted, Papier-Mache Press, 1994
* Concert in the Bread Loaf Barn, Whose Woods These Are, David Bain ed.,
Ecco Press, 1993.[10]
* This Year's Venison in Vital Lines: Contemporary Fiction About Medicine,
Jon Mukand, MD ed., St. Martin's Press, 1990.

Awards

* Walter Dakin Fellow, Sewanee Writers' Conference, 1998.
* Who's Who in Writers, Editors & Poets: United States & Canada,
1992-1993.[11]
* John Ciardi Scholar, Bread Loaf Writers' Conference, 1991.[12]
* Winner, Chicago Review[13]Award in Fiction, 1991.
* Michigan Addy Award for Excellence as producer/director of Artpeace, 1984.

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