Customer Reviews

How Much for Just the Planet? (Star Trek, Book 36)

5 star:		(31)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

This book has occasionally been called the sequel to "The Final Reflection". Actually, it is no such thing. But it is the book which *could have been* the sequel, had Paramount granted John M. Ford free rein to write another about the Klingon culture he had so meticulously developed in his first Trek novel. Instead, Paramount had begun to exercise tighter control over pro-novelists' creativity, and this book was Ford's response to such stiflement. And by Kahless' Hand, did he have fun with it! "How Much For Just the Planet" is not just a spoof of Star Trek, but a spoof of Paramount itself: "...Scott's eye was caught by an unusual constellation: a ring of stars haloing a distant peak. 'Look at that, now. Doesn't it awe you a little? To think there might be a higher power than us, arranging matters?'..." (To fully appreciate that passage, envision the Paramount icon.) So we get Kirk and the Klingons in a riotous quasi-musical Busby Berkely-type comedy production culminating in the intergalactic pie-fight. Trek purists tend to hate this novel as much as Paramount and Pocket do, but Ford's fans laugh along with him. Vengeance is a dish best served cold, and this one tastes sweet as a pink n'gaan milkshake!

It seems like the people who detest this book (and there seems to be a lot of them) have forgotten that many of the original STAR TREK episodes were played for comedy. One of the appealing things about "The Original Series" (TOS) is that it wasn't particularly hamstrung by conventionality. Sure TOS did great drama (think "City on the Edge of Forever") but some of the most innovative and beloved episodes such as "A Piece of the Action" or "The Trouble with Tribbles" were flat out comedies.

"How Much for Just the Planet?" by author John M. Ford continues this tradition in style. This is Ford's second (and apparently last) STAR TREK novel, following up his outstanding "The Final Reflection." But, unlike that deadly serious book, Ford boldly takes us where no TREK novel has gone before, the final frontier of humour.

The plotline begins quite conventionally, with Kirk et al of the USS Enterprise making their way to the planet Direidi, a treasure trove of dilithium (crystals vital for warp travel) to represent the United Federation of Planets. The problem is that representatives of the Klingon Empire are also on-planet negotiating for mineral rights. Even more disturbing is that the indigenous population of the planet is behaving just a little bit, well...funny.

The rest of the story is a humourous adventure of mistaken identity, valuable mcguffins, mass distraction, misplaced jealousy, Gilbert & Sullivan songs, paranoid computers, peppermint flavored Vulcan milkshakes and yes, a pie fight.

The difficulty in reading "How Much For Just the Planet?" comes from the problem of trying to convey timing through the written word. Most of the impact of comedy comes not from the written word, but from the timing in the delivery. (This is likely why no other TREK novel has followed the humourous course.) It is not enough to simply read the text in this novel, you have to actively imagine how the actors (Shatner, et al) would precisely respond in their roles. You have to take your knowledge of how they've responded in the past, in TV episodes or movies, and actively integrate it into this story. This could be difficult to do even for a real TREK fan.

But for those willing to put the effort into it, "How Much For Just the Planet?" is an extremely rewarding novel. It's a pity that Ford seems uninterested in writing another TREK novel, as this one and "The Final Reflection" (the only TREK novel that I'd argue counts as real literature) shows a willingness to play with the franchise and break out of the conventional and boring approaches to STAR TREK in almost all the other books.

It was a difficult decision whether to give this novel four stars or five, and not because it was "somewhere in between". It was either very specifically four stars, or very specifically five.

There is a legitimate school of thought that says that it should get five stars, because it accomplishes what it sets out to accomplish (being a hilariously funny spoof of Star Trek) near-perfectly.

There is another school of thought which says that Star Trek is at its best when it manages to maintain a sense of humor about itself, WHILE NONETHELESS TELLING A DRAMATIC STORY. This book succeeds gloriously in maintaining a sense of humor, but fails at actually telling a dramatic story. It makes for an enjoyable read, but it a flawed Star trek novel because it misses the balance between the two.

As you can tell by the fact that I ultimately rated it four stars, I'm of the second school of thought. Still, it is a marvellous romp, reminiscent in style of Robert Asperin's "Myth" series.

(Of course, there's a third school of thought, which maintains that "THAT'S NOT FUNNY! How dare they mock Star Trek?" But just ignore that school of thought. Unless, of course, you firmly believe that Star Trek should always be taken seriously.)

This book is not a loose comedic romp. It's an immaculately constructed and *extremely* funny farce (and if you think those are easy, just try writing one). On top of that, it has deft, witty Gilbert&Sullivan-style musical numbers scattered throughout, and some beautiful set-piece scenes -- starting with the opening, where we're introduced to the main characters by watching them eat their various breakfasts. Much follows. I doubt there's a page in the book that can safely be read while drinking a Coke. The climax is appallingly unlikely, yet somehow satisfyingly predictable. In short, this is a dazzling display of technical virtuosity and comic genius that happens to also be a Star Trek tie-in novel, and I laughed so hard I hurt myself. When I re-read it again later, the same thing happened. The only reason to not read this book is because you're saving it to cheer you up the next time you have oral surgery or the flu.

This has to be the funniest Star Trek book I have ever read ... probably one of the funniest books as well. While some books have a few mildly comic scenes, this one made me laugh do hard that I was a mess. Totally incoherent with tears, the works!

The Vulcan, T'Vey is priceless and I've always liked the Vulcans more after reading this delightful book.

The book has 3 different back stories going on, which all come together at the end. Kirk and the Enterprise arrive on the planet of Deiriedi and their interactions with the local inhabitants form the first part of the story. Then there is the story of T'Vey and the crew of the freighter and their mishap that lands them on the planet. Lastly there are the Klingons who come to defend their rights to the dilithium ore and want to beat Kirk et al to the punch. The locals have their own ideas and play one group against the other. Over it all, in the background, both Kirk and the Klingons try very hard to behave so that the Organians don't zap them for their bad behavior.

It's beautifully written and a joy to read even if you've read it before. Thank you John Ford for a real treat.

If you've read the other reviews on the subject, you already know that "How much for just the Planet" is a book which bitterly divides people who read it into two camps. You either love it, or hate it, and there just isn't any in-between. Those who love it are able to appreciate a beautifully crafted piece of farce, creative plot twists, believable and funny minor characters, and tons of side references to make a cinema-lover grin - or groan - all the way through the book.

Those who hate the book will make any number of claims why - it's not funny, it's blatant character rape, he shouldn't have done it without the "Permission of the Great Bird of the Galaxy." What it boils down to is, they probably don't appreciate the humor, think that the ability to whip up a filk version of "Pop Goes the Weasle" makes them qualified to judge musical parody, and are upset because this book violates every one of their sacred cows and sets them out to dry. And it does so in an unapologetic, yet completely harmless manner.

One of this book's critics made the point that the book fails because it fails to tell a serious story. Not so. It's just easy to miss, if you're being too literal-minded. When you get right down to it, the basic plot of this novel is as formulaic as they come. Kirk et al land on a planet hoping to obtain its valuable mineral resources for the Federation. The Klingons do the same. They curse and swagger for a while. The residents of the planet, meanwhile, desiring to be part of neither the Federation nor the Empire, have their own way of discouraging the two sides from fighting...and so it goes.

The "point" of this novel that so many people seem to be missing is that the crew of the Enterprise and the Klingons are more alike than they are different. They have personal interests which don't often get brought up in old series episodes, where it is strictly "us" versus "them" where human-klingon relations are concerned. And if you take a randomly-chosen crew of humans and a randomly-chosen crew of klingons, it is entirely likely that there is going to be some overlap. They might even <gasp> GET ALONG. Admittedly, there are going to be prejudices and cultural differences to overcome. The fact that Ford did not bludgeon us over the head with this message doesn't make it any the less valid. And the fact that he chose to present it in a humorous way which played a bit fast and loose with some of our assumptions doesn't either.

Guys, You're entitled to your opinions. But before you crawl back into your shell of fandom, pick up a copy of "Bimbos of the Death Sun" by Sharyn McCrumb and read it. And THINK about it.

As for the rest of us, who haven't elevated Gene Roddenbury to deity status yet, who saw "Free Enterprise" and laughed at it, and who Like or LOVE Star Trek without seeing it as a way of life (yup...I'm FIJAGH all the way, folks...) this novel is a delightful change of pace from the formulaic drivel that makes up the vast majority of published Trek literature.

This book was sadly out-of-print for many years, but was brought back just recently. That's good, because quite honestly Star Trek books tend to follow a specific formula: crew arrives on planet, encounters problem, fixes problem, lives happily ever after. This book takes a weirder outlook... it's more what people would write for fanfiction than an actual novel, which is a darn shame!

Dilithium is valuable--you find that out within a short amount of time. And when amazing deposits of it are found on the relatively-advanced planet Direidi (Dee-RYE-dee) both a Klingon cruiser and the USS Enterprise are sent there to stake a claim. But the inhabitants of the planet are apparently going to have some fun with our heroes...

Frankly the summary sounds a bit dry, but this book is anything but. Combine a neurotic Vulcan, a crazy computer, an inflatable starship, a princess in love, peppermint Vulcan milkshakes, Kirk fending off a Klingon with soda-water, blue grits, and a lot of weird songs. And the climax is to DIE for. It's goofy, but it's fun.

If you insist on the characters rigidly adhering to what you see on the show, then you will hate this book. If you're willing to see them loosen up, dance and sing, and get involved in madcap adventures, then you will love this book!

Star trek has always been at its best when It doesn't take itself too seriously and How Much for Just the Planet really fits the bill. This story is so good it makes me wish the crew was intact and young enough to make the movie. I first read it on my way to chemotherapy appointments. I would be laughing to myself on the bus. It must have been quite a sight...a middle aged woman, bald as a billard ball, reading a Star trek novel and laughing out loud. It really brightened my day.
I believe this is one of the best stories written ,especially if you get the musical references.

This kind of parody and self-mockery is rarely seen, nor done so well. Not everybody will like its insistence on not taking itself seriously, or its improbable plot. But it is howlingly funny to those who can appreciate a little physical humor and parody.

Kirk and a bunch of Klingons find themselves on a strange new planet, having to negotiate for a rare mineral. The planet's indigenous population turns out to not want either group there and takes steps to get them both off the planet. This sounds like a fairly straightforward plot, but the twists and turns that arise from it are, to say the least, silly.

This is slapstick at its finest. It is roaringly funny filk songs sung by the most wildly improbable cast one can imagine. It's Klingons in formal Earth-style tuxes and dresses. It's a landing crew soaked in replicated strawberry milkshake. It's a dominatrix leading a Busby-style musical scene. It's Bones totally hung over and a Klingon fed to a laundry chute.

I can well imagine that not all fans are going to get into this. It solidly pokes fun at everything Star Trek fandom has revered for 20 years. It's not serious; it's barely even plausible. But that's part of the fun for me. If you like your SF seasoned with more than the average amount of humor, you may find this to be fun as well. Probably its only detraction is that I didn't know all the songs being referenced. I'm probably just too young!

Although it is a departure from standard Star Trek submissions, this piece of work is just plain relaxed enjoyment. The vision of a Klingon warrior dressed in formals dumped down a garbage chute made me laugh out loud. Even the finest Starfleet crews need a day like this once in a while. Keep this one on the coffee table.