My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face [Hardcover]

Michael Ian Black (Author)

Book Description

Release date: July 15, 2008

Get ready for the read of your life. Never before has a single book combined awesome vans, unicorns, Billy Joel, and erotic fiction in such a potent combination. A writing tour de force? Perhaps. A reading experience that will sear itself into your consciousness like a red-hot branding iron? Without question.

Comedian and basic cable superstar Michael Ian Black unleashes the full fury of his astonishing intellect in this collection of short comic essays. My Custom Van is a no-holds-barred assault to the funny bone that will literally beat you into submission with hilarity*.

How did he do it? How did he create such a fine anthology? Answer: With love. Michael opened his heart and used the magical power of love to write more than fifty thought-provoking essays like, "Why I Used a Day-Glo Magic Marker to Color My Dick Yellow," and "An Open Letter to the Hair Stylist Who Somehow Convinced Me to Get a Perm When I Was in Sixth Grade."

Maybe you think love is not a substitute for "good writing skills" and "spell check." Bull pucky! When it comes to writing books, love is the most powerful word processor of all.

Sounds pretty great, right? And yet...something is still holding you back from paying the full purchase price of this book. What is it? Perhaps you secretly believe you do not deserve a book this good. Nonsense -- you deserve this book and so much more. In fact, if Michael could have written you all the stars in the sky, that's what he would have done. But he couldn't do that, due to his lack of knowledge in the area of astronomy. So he wrote this book instead.

And this flap copy.

Enjoy.

* Michael Ian Black is not responsible for any actual injuries caused by reading this book.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Fun to read while you're pooping." -- Sarah Silverman

"I always walk away jealous and a little fearful of Michael Ian Black's sharp comedic wit. If you like your comedy dry, absurd, and unforced, you will love this book." -- Jim Gaffigan

"Like all custom vans, Michael Ian Black's book is customized to fit all your needs and wants for the journey of your life. It's luxurious, entertaining, spooky, disturbing, and hilarious. Devil's in the details! It's stocked with tacos, vampires, squirrels, a cleaning lady, scented candles, salami, tundra, and a foreword by Abe Lincoln himself -- now that's Class with a capital C. Enjoy the ride of your lifetime." -- Amy Sedaris

"Michael Ian Black has proven that even the most simple-minded among us can occasionally create works of genius." -- Stephen Colbert

"Michael Ian Black is so wrong that he's right." -- Lewis Black

"Michael Ian Black speaks to the laughless in all of us and asks, 'Why aren't you laughing?' Then he takes the laughless in all of us roughly by the shoulders and INSISTS THAT WE LAUGH, usually by writing exceedingly funny and compellingessays such as those included in this volume." -- John Hodgman

"This is a great book for shut-ins, for people who like to laugh at sentences, and people who like to move their belongings from place to place. In fact, anyone who likes to pack or ship anything will find a lot to like in these pages." -- Dave Eggers --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Michael Ian Black is a writer, comedian, and actor who has created and starred in many television series, including Michael and Michael Have Issues, Stella, and The State. He also starred in the NBC television show Ed and on VH1’s I Love The... series. He wrote the screenplay for the film Run, Fatboy, Run and wrote and directed the film Wedding Daze. Michael regularly tours the country as a stand-up comedian and is the bestselling author of the book My Custom Van (and 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face) and the children’s books Chicken Cheeks, The Purple Kangaroo, A Pig Parade Is a Terrible Idea, and I’m Bored. Michael lives in Connecticut with his wife and two children.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 223 pages
• Publisher: Gallery Books; First Edition edition (July 15, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416964053
• ISBN-13: 978-1416964056
• Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.9 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (270 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #692,220 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

40 of 41 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Maybe I'm not classy enough for the vine... September 4, 2008

By Em EmCee

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

...but I love this book to death. I want to be buried with it. When I die, I want it to be because I laughed so hard I accidentally ate the book and then I want to be buried in a coffin made out of this book. Just kidding - I want to be cremated.

Okay, here's my real review:

Michael Ian Black is a genius and to me, his book is hilarious. But like any brand of comedy, you have to be predisposed to it. If it's not up your alley, it's not up your alley. It seems to me that those reviewing this book negatively (I'm looking at you, Amazon Vine) are not taking into account that this is a particular type of humor and are instead reviewing based on their personal comedic preferences. It's like going to see a sci-fi movie and saying it wasn't good because you prefer romantic comedies.

Within this genre of comedy, however, Michael Ian Black does it best. If you like your humor a little vulgar and definitely surprising, then this this book is for you. If you prefer the Blue Collar Comedy Tour or remember The State or Stella as the stupidest things you've ever seen, then it's probably best to shy away from this one.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Warning: May cause severe laughter September 2, 2008

By Leslie Ann Lewis VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

What can I expect from a collection of humorous essays introduced by Abe Lincoln? Apparently, hilarity.

I have enjoyed the talents of Michael Ian Black for several years across several television stations and different program formats, but I approached the book carefully for several reasons. In my opinion, so much of comedy is in the timing of the delivery, the cadence of the speech, and the inflection in the voice that I often approach comedic books with trepidation, if not outright fear, of wasting my time. I have read books written by other comedians that fell flat because there was not enough thought given to the change in format. Written comedy has to be presented a little differently sometimes to still come out funny, and some jokes do not translate at all (try reading a transcript of "Who's on first?"). Additionally, many comics try to write a whole book and present it the way they would a set or a monologue. A book cannot be fine tuned to the reaction of the audience as it is read (at least, not yet) so there is no way to gauge which part you should ad lib a little on and which part you should drop. It is also hard to be topical because some issues have no lasting impact and you cannot really revisit them. Few comedic books have earned my respect and few still have been recommended by me to friends and family.

Somehow, Mr. Black managed to discover a way to not only preserve his delivery but also to give us a book with humor that has no expiration date. Presenting his work as a collection of essays gives the reader options not available in a traditional format. Here, if I start reading an essay and it does not suit my mood I can simply flip a couple of pages and move on to a different entry. It also makes it something you can easily put down and come back to again (see Sarah Silverman's suggestion on the back cover).

The delivery works, the format works, and the humor is the sort I can visit over and over again when I need a good laugh. I highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys sarcasm, laughter, and occasional nonsense.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Radical Feminist Poet branches out to comedy/satire August 31, 2008

By Daniel L. Bateman

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

I am mostly familiar with Michael Ian Black from his radical feminist poetry, written under a pseudonym of course. But we know who he is.

Seriously though, I am familiar with Michael Ian Black the basic cable TV superstar, from shows such as "The State" and the bite-sized nuggets of inanity from "I Love the 70's/80's/90's/Bradys."

Since I'm used to Black in TV nugget form, can he successfully hold my interest in book form? Thankfully so, because My Custom Van is split into bite-sized nugget essays on topics ranging from erotic fiction to instructions for cleaning ladies ("My advice would be to hold your breath, clean as much as you can, run outside, take another deep breath, and then clean some more.")

His humor isn't as observational as comics like Carlin, Seinfeld, and Attell. His essays are zany dysfunctional takes and anecdotes on many different topics, usually with a crazy twist at the end of each one. Very entertaining. And, let's be honest, in this Internet and TV society of fast cuts and instant gratification, who would have the patience for an entire 200+ page book with one continuous plot or theme?

I sort of expected to learn more about Black in this book. All in all, I'm not sure how much this book is really about Michael Ian Black, you can't tell since he writes most of his essays from the viewpoint of fictional personas. If the viewpoints expressed by the fictional personas are really Black's, he is a sad, sick, twisted, funny man.

But I still do respect him for his radical feminist poetry.