My Father Before Me: How Fathers and Sons Influence Each Other Throughout Their Lives (Hardcover)

by Michael Diamond (Author)
Key Phrases: watchful protector, father hunger, Red Sox, Sigmund Freud, Los Angeles (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Unlike women, says Diamond, to whom mothering ability is natural, men must learn how to be fathers. And as the noted psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott gave us the notion of the "good enough mother," clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Diamond proposes the "good enough father," a man who cultivates his own emotional life and becomes fully engaged in his children's inner lives to enhance their growth. While fathers certainly influence their daughters, he continues, the bond between fathers and sons is "particularly intricate and complex." Diamond delineates the stages of a father's development, beginning during the wife's pregnancy (the author focuses on traditional families, but says his framework applies to nontraditional families as well). He traces the father-son relationship from the protective "guardian" phase of the son's infancy through successive stages of letting go as a father allows his son to separate and mature, guides the boy into manhood and, finally, parent and child move closer together again as a father ages and the reality of death must be accepted. Drawing on his own practice and on psychoanalytic theory, Diamond gives a good foundation for beginning to understand the intricacies of the father-son bond. (Feb.)
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Product Description

A powerful depiction of the unexplored reciprocal relationship between fathers and sons. For decades, mothers were thought to be the only real influence on a child. Now we recognize that the father's involvement also has a profound impact, but how sons affect their fathers is too-often overlooked. In My Father Before Me psychoanalyst Michael J. Diamond firmly establishes fatherhood as an essential event for both the son's and the father's development. With chapters analyzing the father/son relationship throughout the life cycle, and demonstrating the powerful influence between them, Diamond calls for a more inclusive notion of masculinity, thus allowing men to access parts of themselves they previously ignored. He argues that sons are largely responsible for helping their fathers embrace this more flexible notion of manhood, making them better partners and better parents. Diamond has written an important book that enables us to make sense of the question: what does it truly mean to be a man.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 239 pages
• Publisher: W.W. Norton & Co.; 1 edition (February 17, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0393060608
• ISBN-13: 978-0393060607
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.7 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #361,111 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars PARENTS NEED TO READ THIS, June 27, 2007

By	Stephen Lowe "slowe" (Los Angeles, CA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Dr. Diamond is exploring the relatively uncharted waters of the psychological relationship between fathers and sons. As a father reading the book, I realized how many things I took for granted in the relationship between my father and me and between me and my sons that are broken down and discussed in this book. The analysis and the examples provide a reference for how I conducted myself at various times in my life and the effect it may have had on my family. This is a wonderfully insightful look, written in straigt forward prose, to learn how to be a better son and father.
P.S. It doesn't hurt to be a baseball fan. For those of us who love the game, there are lots of examples where baseball is the vehicle for insights and understanding.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Parenting Alliance, March 11, 2007

By	Emma Richfield (Los Angeles, CA) - See all my reviews

Although, Diamond's book is ostensibly about the reciprocal father son relationship through out the life cycle, he opines the importance and need for a "parental alliance", whereby both parents support the others role in active parenting. As Diamond re-asserts the important role of the father he by no means neglects a mother's role and at the same time stresses how this "united front" on parenting allows for the son (child) to experience
the gifts that both partners bring to child rearing. This is a MUST read for both men and women who are either new parents or seasoned parents searching for a mindful and contemporary paradigm on understanding the nuances of parenting.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful read for the layman and the clinician, March 8, 2007

By	B. Monder MSW BCD (New York) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Dr. Diamond's book is accessible and informative and warm. His clinical work with his patients comes through so beautifully and tenderly. As I read his book, I was filled with emotion for all the fathers and sons I know. And as a clinician, I was rethinking my work with my own male patients. Lives are multifaceted and complex; and in Dr. Diamond's case examples he provides vignettes of many different kinds of relationships. Each vignette educates the reader and illustrates the capacity of people to grow and heal at any age. I recommend this book for fathers, sons, mothers, sisters, and clinicians of any persuasion.