Customer Reviews

In My Father's Arms: A True Story of Incest (Oxford American's "One of the best Southern Books of All Time")

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I am "Caroline". I have just finished reading my brother's book. His sensitivity and pain grab your soul. At times I felt I was floating above, reading about someone else, not my brother, not my family. Walt's journey, as told in the book, has been a long and hard one. I am so proud of his courage, He is a gentle, sincere, witty, and intelligent man. Despite his abuse, all the little Walts (some of whom I knew) and Walt have never faltered in character. That is the miracle in all this. No one who reads this book will be untouched. I hope that those readers who have been abused will find this book part of their healing. For those who have not, I hope it will give a clearer understanding of what it feel like to be abused and the lasting effects of it. Knowledge is a powerful tool in any fight. It is my hope that this knowledge will bring help to those who need it, whether it is in the form of laws, therapy, or simple a helping freind.

As a psychotherapist that specializes in treating men with a history of sexual abuse and having been an incest victim my self, I have read a great deal of the literature and books on the subject. This is one of the best at really conveying the pain and impact upon a developing mind and body. A fast but powerful read that anyone who really wants to understand or to see that he was not the only one. I will recommend it highly in all of my workshops on abuse and to my clients that are ready to face their pain. I am grateful that Walter shared his pain and most of all his healing. It will help many.

While novels reflect the human condition and provide the reader with vicarious experiences, biography brings life itself to the printed page. Autobiography and memoirs are especially intriguing, despite the fact that the author only reveals those aspects of his life that he chooses to share with others. Autobiography and memoirs most often provide a catharsis for the author. The writer relives his experiences by sharing them with his readers. The memoirist enhances the understanding of human psychology through sharing experiences with others, while he views himself simultaneously. deMilly's work, which would not have been published a few decades ago, deals candidly with the subjects of incest and pedophilia. It is no wonder that the author experiences multiple personality syndrome at the hands of a father whose pedophilia extends to his own son. In graphic detail, deMilly spells out the ordeal of a child who knows intrinsically that something terribly wrong is happening - yet he cannot tell it to anyone. With the onset of adolescence, deMilly's problems are compounded by his own emerging sexual preference - which he cannot fathom. Could it be that his homosexuality is attributable to the sexual abuse from his parent? Psychotherapy does not provide satisfactory answers or solutions. deMilly has written a brave memoir, a testament to the strength of the human spirit to survive successfully in society. His work is a positive addition to the expanding discipline of gay and lesbian studies.

Taking a powerfully disturbing story and writing about it in a simple, almost poetic, manner is truly profound. Walter De Milly's personal story about child abuse, his relationship with his father, and his own way of dealing with it and understanding it, is a great accomplishment in the art of storytelling. The book deals with the loss of innocence, disturbing childhood memories, and the interaction between Walter and his father, both as a child and adult. One sentence in the book lends dramatic insight into the feelings of the author throughout his ordeal and the aftermath: "The eyes scream what the lips dare not whisper." One can only imagine how a boy's silence could be ignored when all one had to do was look into his eyes. It is a story well told and strongly felt by any reader.

As you can well imagine, this material is rather hard to take. Mercifully the book isn't too long, and by that comment I simply mean that the author is never verbose. He doesn't allow his story to become maudlin. What struck me most was how sympathic the author is with his father. He is able to convey a myriad of conflicting emotions - confusion, anger, love - with a clear and candid style. What his father did to Walter and all those other boys was horrendous and, some would say, unforgivable. What this book did for me was to communicate the ambiguities in his father's character. This was not just a tragedy for Walter, but for his father as well. Don't misunderstand. I'm not condoning his father's actions. No, I'm just saying that one can understand and feel a certain pity for someone obviously afflicted by demons too powerful to fight or conquer. This is a very special book, both sad and optimistic, objective and pointedly direct.

"The eyes scream what the lips dare not whisper" -- these are images of father-son sexual abuse that no one should have to live with in their head and Walter de Milly and other victims should not have to live with alone.

Walter de Milly's short memoir remains one of the precious few opportunities to truly experience the utterly horrifying truths of father-son incest in all its sickening complexity and to understand the rank evil lies and trickery of an unstoppable and selfish serial male target pedophile. Deeply disturbing in its beautiful poetic prose; tragically ultimately lacking in the crucial summary naming of this "father" as exactly the unspeakably sick monster that he was, a pedophile who belonged in prison or a mental institution. In My Father's Arms remains a study in the triumph of evil -- nevermind a pedophile father's "mental illness" -- enabled in a deeply disturbed "loyal, loving and sentimental" (and tragically naive) family. You will never forget Walter's Southern story of a dissociative and multiple personality disorder producing "good" family, and he and other shattered victims of the X-Files insidiousness of father-son incest and male target pedophiles will never be out of your prayers after. The classic People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck and the astute Intimate Worlds by Maggie Scarf are both wise companion reading. Highly recommended.

Currently trying to understand my own past, De Milly's story is told with such clarity and care, that after I put it down (i read it in one sitting) I felt comforted. De Milly confronts something most of us try to keep quiet, and he does so with grace and compassion. The book, undoubtedly a reflection of the man, is painfully sincere. Thank you Walter De Milly for opening the door for so many of us.

Walter de Milly's story isn't necessarily more horrific than other survivors of incest. But the depth of his understanding of what he went through and his prodigious talents as a writer combine to make me feel that this slender volume may simply be the ultimate incest survivor story, that it couldn't possible get any better than this.

With his measured, nearly dreamlike voice, deMilly takes us back to the 60's South and to the family bombshelter where the sexual abuse began in earnest, allowing the reader inside the mind and soul of a young boy who is now locked in anguished sexual conflict with his handsome and smiling father. From this chilling opening, the writer unfolds his story of pain and gut determination to survive, creating unforgettable portraits of the people and events around him.

One comes away from "In my Father's Arms" with the feeling of having just encountered an instant classic.

I heard this writer read when he was a panelist at the Key West Literarty seminar, and was struck by the lyricism of his work. I bought the memoir immediately after, and have to add to the chorus of praise: This is a powerful and beautifully written book.

A clear, wonderous gem. Told with special tenderness and honesty. The best book of this kind I've read. Worth more and more.