Born into one of Pakistan's most influential families, Tehmina Durrani was raised in the privileged milieu of Lahore high society and educated at the same school as Benazir Bhutto. Like all women of her rank, she was expected to marry a wealthy Muslim, bear him many children and lead a sheltered life of air-conditioned leisure. When she married Mustafa Khar, one of Pakistan's most eminent political figures, she continued to move in the best circles, and learned to keep up the public facade as a glamorous, cultivated wife, and mother of four children. In private, however, the story-book romance rapidly turned sour. Mustafa Khar became violently possessive and jealous, and succeeded in cutting his wife off from the outside world. For the course of her 14-year marriage, she suffered alone, in silence. This is the story of Tehmina's rebellion from an unhappy marriage. As a Muslim woman seeking a divorce, she paid a high price. She signed away all financial support, lost the custody of her children, and found herself alienated from her friends and disowned by her parents. The book, which she originally published herself after publishers in Pakistan refused to do so, shocked Pakistan society. She had succeeeded in reconciling her faith in Islam with her ardent belief in women's rights.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Not well-written but will keep you engaged,
By Caspar H. (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews
This review is from: My Feudal Lord: A Devastating Indictment of Women's Role in Muslim Society (Mass Market Paperback)
As someone whose parents lived and grew up in Pakistan, I find it pretty hard to sympathise with the Pakistani elite - if you want to blame someone for the state of the country today, blame them. As a result there may be an inherent bias in this review.
But that's not what this book is about, this is about a woman who was stuck in an abusive marriage. There is no doubt that Tehmina Durrani suffered at the hands of Mustafa Khar, her second husband, and no woman should live in fear of domestic violence. However, I couldn't get past the fact that she cheated on her first husband and left him and her children for Khar who was a known philanderer - his marriage to Durrani would be his sixth. What made her think he would change his ways? What did she find attractive in a monster like Khar? Why did she leave her first husband? The answers to these questions can be found within the book but I didn't find them very satisfying. As a result, I found it hard to reconcile the Tehmina of the second half of the book with the Tehmina we are introduced to at the start. This is a sad and shocking story. It's not well-written but the first half is definitely a page-turner. Some people have said that parts of it may have been exaggerated but domestic abuse is domestic abuse: it's wrong, no matter how far it goes. The problem here is why should I feel sorry for her when she knew this guy was sick and twisted? All the warning signs were there but she ignored them. She even befriended Khar's wife and witnessed the kind of life she was living but that wasn't enough either. The whole first half I felt like screaming, "Don't do it! Please, don't do it!", so when she does I found it hard to sympathise with her. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning Khar's behaviour. The point I'm trying to make is that she let herself fall for him. No matter what the circumstances were, if she was a self-respecting woman she would not have gotten involved with a misogynistic sadist like that man. This wasn't a teenager or a young woman, she had a husband, children, a family that supported her. There were no good reasons to go for Khar. Many Pakistani women have held her up as a hero. I too think her work at exposing abuse has been both noble and necessary in a culture that encourages women to conceal their hurt to protect their husbands. My other concern with this book is the political angle. We are introduced to a lot of prominent Pakistani politicians in the book and we see the circles they move in. These people are so far removed from the average Pakistani it makes me furious to think that they've stayed in power this long. By keeping the public uninformed in the right territories, they can keep repeating the lies and no one remembers or cares.
3.0 out of 5 stars
A little too exaggerated but a good read nonetheless,
This review is from: My Feudal Lord: A Devastating Indictment of Women's Role in Muslim Society (Mass Market Paperback)
It was a very captivating book. I took it as a fictional book, so I enjoyed it. Rest assured that all elite (or any other type)ladies in "muslim" countries like Pakistan dont suffer like that, like a few readers suggested. The book I think had nothing to do with religion or nationality, it was about infidelity, corruption, and abuse!!!
I dont know how much truth there is to this story but its very well written and worth reading!
5.0 out of 5 stars
Not new, but still relevant,
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This review is from: My Feudal Lord: A Devastating Indictment of Women's Role in Muslim Society (Mass Market Paperback)
This book was the first recommended to me by a male friend in Pakistan when I visited there last year. Although not a new bestseller, it provides context for understanding Pakistan. Beware--it is not upbeat, but I found it thoroughly enlightening and helpful.
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