My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the Other Side of Young [Hardcover]

Stephanie Dolgoff (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 17, 2010

When men stop making lecherous catcalls and Spanx get comfortable in your lingerie drawer, when marketers target you for Activia instead of $200 premium denim, when you have to start wearing makeup to get that “I’m not wearing any makeup” glow and are “ma’amed” outside the Deep South, it may dawn on you that somehow you have crossed an invisible line: You are not the young, relevant, in-the-mix woman you used to be. But neither are you old, or even what you think of as middle-aged. You are no longer what you were, but not quite sure what you are. 

Stephanie Dolgoff calls this stage of a woman’s life “Formerly,” the state of mind and body she herself is in now: Her roaring twenties are behind her, but she’s not in hot flash territory, either. My Formerly Hot Life, showcasing Dolgoff’s wacky and wise observations about this little-discussed flux time, demonstrates that becoming a Formerly is intensely poignant if you’re paying attention, and hilarious even if you’re not. From fashion to friendship, beauty to body image, married sex to single searching, mothering to careering (or both), Dolgoff reveals the upside to not being forever 21—even as you watch the things you once thought were so essential to a happy life go the way of the cassette tape. You may be formerly thin, formerly cool, formerly (seemingly) carefree, formerly cutting-edge, but in reading My Formerly Hot Life you are reminded that you are finally more comfortable in your skin (formerly obsessed with your weight), finally following your instincts (formerly ruled by the opinions of others), and finally happy with where you are (formerly focused on the guy or job you thought would take you where you thought you should be). While you may no longer be as close to the media-machine-generated idea of fabulous, you can do many, many more things fabulously.

Wildly entertaining and inspiring, My Formerly Hot Life proves that once you let yourself laugh about that which is passing, life is richer, more fun, and more satisfying. Despite what you’re led to believe, growing older most certainly means growing better.
 

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Stephanie Dolgoff on My Formerly Hot Life

A few years back, when my mom and my husband saw that I was launching a website called Formerly Hot, essentially about having just aged out of being the "hot" chick I was for most of my life, they fell all over themselves to reassure me that I am, in fact, still hot, in my own not-so-young-anymore kind of way. My husband very sweetly told me I could get fat(ter), saggy(er), blotch(ier), and my pores could continue to expand like crop circles all over my face and to him, I would still be the relatively young and desirable woman he married. Bless him. My mother simply took issue with the idea that older women were no longer hot, and chided me for putting myself down.

That’s when I realized I needed to clarify my mission, and now that Formerly Hot the blog has grown into My Formerly Hot Life, the book, I’ll take this opportunity to do so again.

The book is not a marathon fishing-for-compliments trip (although I won’t be turning any down). I know I still look fine, and on a good day, great. I wholeheartedly agree with my mom’s estimation that a woman’s hotness is not necessarily inversely proportional to how many candles she has on her birthday cake.

I wrote the book to have a laughing look at the unvarnished truth about getting older--the good, the bad, and those unexpected b----slaps that still seem to come out of nowhere, even if you’re relatively well adjusted to the fact that you’re not forever 21. It’s about those moments--whether it’s when you’re the one wishing your neighbors would turn down the damn music because it’s after 10 (can "kids these days, sheesh!" be far off now?), or when you’re bracing yourself for the whistle from the construction crew that never comes--when it is suddenly ultra clear that you’re occupying an entirely new category of human being.

When I first realized I was a Formerly--the term I came up with to indicate that you’re formerly what you were, but you may not be quite sure what you are yet--my main indicator was how far away I had moved from the standard perfectly symmetrical, thin, perky-boobed female ideal (not that I had ever arrived.) It became pretty clear pretty quickly that this whole Formerly transformation had only partly to do with my looks. In fact, the shift was much more profound.

And wonderful. The longer I spent on this side of young, the more obvious it became that Formerly Territory was a much happier place to live, for me and the hundreds of women I spoke to about it. There are distinct upsides to being a Formerly, ones that no one talks about. I used to feel like a composite of other people’s opinions of me; now, I am comfortable with who I am, and other people’s opinions are, well, just their opinions. I follow my instincts, what’s comfortable for me, rather than what I think I "should" do or what everyone else seems to think is the move. Life feels less intense, less dramatic, more relaxed and peaceful. In other words, time passes. Things change. And that’s cool.

Except when it’s not. Getting older, even if you’re not old, can sometimes suck! It would be nice not to have to look up every texting abbreviation someone sends to me before replying, for instance. I used to know such things. I’m not going to tell you that I welcome every wrinkle and pucker as a symbol of the rich and wise life my trusty body and I have lived happily together. I am regularly shocked by the new iteration of me that stares back from the mirror. I promise never to intone that you must "embrace your life changes," or that 50 is the new 40 is the new 30 is the new 29. You are what you are but you don’t always have to be smiling about it.

On balance, though, even as I’m letting go of the stuff I thought was indispensable to happiness when I was younger, I’m happier than my younger self ever could have imagined. That’s what My Formerly Hot Life is about--laughing at ourselves and our obsession with youth, even as we see that life is so much richer on the other side of young. The women I’ve spoken to for the book wouldn’t trade where they are today for another chance for a teenager’s body, and that’s a message I hope the readers of this book can carry with them for all their days.

---

Review

“Remember all those deep and important life transitions going on amongst a group of smart, beautiful women that the last, tepid Sex and  the City movie tried—and failed—to capture? Skip the film; Dolgoff’s got it all in her book, and in a far more genuine way....Dolgoff’s style is energetic, funny, highly engaging, and self-aware....Bottom Line: Whether you’re going through the Formerly transition yourself or looking back on it (or catching hints of it down the road), Dolgoff’s book is a wonderful take on the early 40s.” —Newsweek.com

"If you’ve ever hiked up your boobs just to remind yourself how they used to look, secretly hoped the wino on the corner would whistle at you like he used to, or recently realized that they are now making elevator music out of your favorite ‘classic’ tunes, you will love this book. It’s pee-in-your-pants funny and it’s all too true!"– Jenny McCarthy, author of Belly Laughs and Baby Laughs

"My Formerly Hot Life belongs right next to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love for the woman trying to understand and embrace her complicated contemporary life. At the same time as it is laugh-out-loud funny, it will help you discard the old notions and expectations of yourself that no longer fit. Reading it will help you access the hotness you thought was diminishing…but that might just be heating up." —Margo Maine, Ph.D., author The Body Myth: Adult Women and the Pressure to Be Perfect

"What Time has forced Stephanie Dolgoff to give up (pop culture savvy, the ability to easily pull overnighters and/or fit into skinny jeans), she has gained in wit, complexity and insight. Every woman on this side of a Cosabella thong will relate to her take on women’s friendships, plastic surgery, and how to find value in something bigger than your ever-sinking ass."—Wendy Shanker, author of Are You My Guru? How Medicine, Meditation & Madonna Saved My Life

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; 1 edition (August 17, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345521455
• ISBN-13: 978-0345521453
• Product Dimensions: 5.7 x 1 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (66 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #109,507 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Stephanie Dolgoff has been writing and editing for magazines and newspapers since she graduated from college in 1989. Her first book, MY FORMERLY HOT LIFE: DISPATCHES FROM JUST THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUNG, based on her blog Formerlyhot.com, is due out in September of 2010.

Stephanie is a contributing editor at Parenting. Before that, she was a contributing editor at Real Simple, health director and features director at SELF magazine, and prior to that, executive editor and senior contributing editor at Glamour. She's written for "O" The Oprah Magazine, Fitness, Health, Parents, Redbook, Seventeen, CosmoGirl, Ladies Home Journal, Prevention, American Photo, and many others. For five years she authored a monthly sex column for teens, Ask Anything, for the now defunct YM magazine. Her articles have also appeared in the New York Times and the New York Post.

Stephanie has won several awards for her writing, and a section she helped to oversee, SELF magazine's 2005 Breast Cancer Handbook, won the ASME award in the category of personal service. Her work has also been published in several books, including The Elephant in the Playroom (Penguin), and The Enlightened Bracketologist (Bloomsbury). One of her essays appeared in Behind the Bedroom Door (Delacorte), in 2008.

To view a few of her television appearances, click here
When she's not working at Health, Stephanie is cranking out Formerly Hot, and looking for new and innovative ways to get the word out about her book.

Stephanie was born and raised in New York City, where she still lives with her husband and twin girls. She attended Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Funny and True to Life, August 17, 2010

By 

Karie Hoskins "karieh" (Everett, WA USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the Other Side of Young (Hardcover)

I am the perfect audience for this book - parts of it felt like it was written straight out of my life. Turning 40 is a major milestone, now more than ever, and since that event is only 4 months behind me, I can really relate to author Stephanie Dolgoff's musings about her "Formerly Hot" life.

"Over the last few years, while I'd been busy working and having twins and not sleeping and getting peed on and eating and yelling at my husband and maybe not taking such good care of myself - and oh, yes, that pesky passage of time thing - I'd become a perfectly nice-looking 40-year-old working mom doing the best she can. Which is totally not the same as a hot chick. That in itself is not a problem. The problem was that my self-definition had yet to catch up with the reality of what the world saw when it looked at me."

I found the first third of this book hilarious and a very realistic portrayal of this time of life. "...I needed jeans, badly. The ones that fit were clearly out of style. The ones that didn't (yeah, no, they hadn't gotten too loose) had a nasty habit of dialing my BlackBerry whenever I carried it in my back pocket."

And when trying to arrange a night out for drinks with friends... "The day before the date, research begins in earnest as to where to go. None of us has been out with any regularity in years so it is unclear which bars/clubs/lounges are still operational, and if people our age ever go there. Slightly younger friends are consulted, half-remembered club names are Googled, nightlife reviews are dug out of the bathroom reading pile. It's a project."

I appreciate the sentiment of this book. We "Formerlys" as a group know that we are fabulous (albeit in a different way than we once were) and in general, appreciate this time of life after the drama and chaos of our youth, we just need a bit of time to settle in.

"I began to carry my new self-definition - that of Formerly - tentatively around with me like a just-in-case sweater, and threw it over my shoulders whenever I had that chilly feeling of being an adult "tween" - i.e., too old to be young but to young to be the kind of person who asks about the availability of parking at her destination before agreeing to go."

The one thing I would say about this book is that after the initial hilarity, the book gets a bit repetitive. I have no idea if this is how the book was put together, but I know the author has a blog, and the book feels like it is an assemblage of those posts. If one was reading a new one each day, they'd feel fresh, but read all in a row, the anecdotes lose a bit of their punch.

I would recommend this book to other "Formerlys" I know...especially if they need a small but well-deserved break from their busy but fulfilling fabulous lives.

14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars We're not saggy. We're Sagacious & Sag-a-licious, August 17, 2010

By 

NyiNya "NyiNya" (It was broken when I got here...) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the Other Side of Young (Hardcover)

Stephanie Dolgoff has captured a lot of the truth about hitting age 40 and beyond. I found growing older quite a shock because, quite frankly, I still refer to people over 30 as "the grown ups" and have a hard time knowing that my ship has forever sailed when it comes to winning the coveted Miss Subways crown, zipping a pair of skinny jeans while standing up or having a Parisian anchor baby. But any woman who can't find something to smile about--and sometimes laugh out loud over--in Dolgoff's book had better prepare for an old age where saying "Get offa my lawn,you whippersnapper" is gonna be the high point of the day.

It's much easier on the psyche to see the plus side of crossing the 40 divide (and I'm not talking dress sizes). You become more more confident...even the salesladies at Saks hardly intimidate. You get better tables at restaurants when out with friends, you can hail a cab like a pro, stare down the thug who dares to challenge you for the armrest on a crowded flight, and appreciate the understated elegance of a single perfect martini.

On the other hand, there are trade-offs. What once were perky as puppies now could pass for the bloodhounds that chased George Clooney in 'O Brother Where Art Thou.' You spend more on Spanx than on the clothes that go over them. You don't have to worry about a bunch of oversexed little surfers bothering you at the beach (yes, I know I put this in the negative column, shut up). And for this Broadway Baby, forget greeting the milkman. I'm happy if I can stay awake through the whole movie.

Ms. Dolgoff gets all this, and she makes it funny. This book is the antidote to the nitwit heroine of "Eat Pray Love," who can't get over her divorce and ends every dinner party by collapsing in a sobbing heap on the bathroom floor--when she's not sitting in an ashram doing those chants that most of us outgrew by the time we realized the Rolling Stones were cooler than the Beatles. Hey, I'm sorry EPL fans...but own up, who would you rather spend time with...Eve, forever plotzing about her erstwhile ex, or a Dolgoff woman who tries to remember former husbands in their correct matrimonial order?

Getting older isn't something to be afraid of. If it's good enough for Susan Sarandon, it's good enough for you and me. Besides, if you live right, eat right, and start having things lifted, tightened and surgically rebuilt when you hit the half century mark, you'll sail through the ensuing decades looking and feeling like a new woman -- because most of you will be!

Enjoy this book and share it with grown up friends!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful for women of a certain age..., August 17, 2010

By 

Angela Wolf "bookangel" (Hamburg, PA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the Other Side of Young (Hardcover)

If you've been feeling stuck between age groups...not quite old, not quite young...this book might be for you.

If you've noticed that young store employees have started calling you "maam" instead of "miss", this book might be for you.

If you feel too mature for most of the clothes in your closet, this book might be for you.

If people tell you that you look good, and then add "for your age" to the end of the sentence, this book might be for you.

If you refuse to believe that 'hotness' ends in your 20's, this book might be for you.

The author writes a blog about her adventures as a 'formerly' young attractive woman. This book is a summary of her blog.

I gave this book 3 stars. It was entertaining, because I can relate to many of the things she's experienced, or I expect these things to happen to me in the next few years. I believe the goal of this book is to help women age gracefully and realize that they are not alone in the experience...and that 'formerly' is a great time of life.