Customer Reviews

My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the Other Side of Young

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(19)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I am the perfect audience for this book - parts of it felt like it was written straight out of my life. Turning 40 is a major milestone, now more than ever, and since that event is only 4 months behind me, I can really relate to author Stephanie Dolgoff's musings about her "Formerly Hot" life.

"Over the last few years, while I'd been busy working and having twins and not sleeping and getting peed on and eating and yelling at my husband and maybe not taking such good care of myself - and oh, yes, that pesky passage of time thing - I'd become a perfectly nice-looking 40-year-old working mom doing the best she can. Which is totally not the same as a hot chick. That in itself is not a problem. The problem was that my self-definition had yet to catch up with the reality of what the world saw when it looked at me."

I found the first third of this book hilarious and a very realistic portrayal of this time of life. "...I needed jeans, badly. The ones that fit were clearly out of style. The ones that didn't (yeah, no, they hadn't gotten too loose) had a nasty habit of dialing my BlackBerry whenever I carried it in my back pocket."

And when trying to arrange a night out for drinks with friends... "The day before the date, research begins in earnest as to where to go. None of us has been out with any regularity in years so it is unclear which bars/clubs/lounges are still operational, and if people our age ever go there. Slightly younger friends are consulted, half-remembered club names are Googled, nightlife reviews are dug out of the bathroom reading pile. It's a project."

I appreciate the sentiment of this book. We "Formerlys" as a group know that we are fabulous (albeit in a different way than we once were) and in general, appreciate this time of life after the drama and chaos of our youth, we just need a bit of time to settle in.

"I began to carry my new self-definition - that of Formerly - tentatively around with me like a just-in-case sweater, and threw it over my shoulders whenever I had that chilly feeling of being an adult "tween" - i.e., too old to be young but to young to be the kind of person who asks about the availability of parking at her destination before agreeing to go."

The one thing I would say about this book is that after the initial hilarity, the book gets a bit repetitive. I have no idea if this is how the book was put together, but I know the author has a blog, and the book feels like it is an assemblage of those posts. If one was reading a new one each day, they'd feel fresh, but read all in a row, the anecdotes lose a bit of their punch.

I would recommend this book to other "Formerlys" I know...especially if they need a small but well-deserved break from their busy but fulfilling fabulous lives.

Stephanie Dolgoff has captured a lot of the truth about hitting age 40 and beyond. I found growing older quite a shock because, quite frankly, I still refer to people over 30 as "the grown ups" and have a hard time knowing that my ship has forever sailed when it comes to winning the coveted Miss Subways crown, zipping a pair of skinny jeans while standing up or having a Parisian anchor baby. But any woman who can't find something to smile about--and sometimes laugh out loud over--in Dolgoff's book had better prepare for an old age where saying "Get offa my lawn,you whippersnapper" is gonna be the high point of the day.

It's much easier on the psyche to see the plus side of crossing the 40 divide (and I'm not talking dress sizes). You become more more confident...even the salesladies at Saks hardly intimidate. You get better tables at restaurants when out with friends, you can hail a cab like a pro, stare down the thug who dares to challenge you for the armrest on a crowded flight, and appreciate the understated elegance of a single perfect martini.

On the other hand, there are trade-offs. What once were perky as puppies now could pass for the bloodhounds that chased George Clooney in 'O Brother Where Art Thou.' You spend more on Spanx than on the clothes that go over them. You don't have to worry about a bunch of oversexed little surfers bothering you at the beach (yes, I know I put this in the negative column, shut up). And for this Broadway Baby, forget greeting the milkman. I'm happy if I can stay awake through the whole movie.

Ms. Dolgoff gets all this, and she makes it funny. This book is the antidote to the nitwit heroine of "Eat Pray Love," who can't get over her divorce and ends every dinner party by collapsing in a sobbing heap on the bathroom floor--when she's not sitting in an ashram doing those chants that most of us outgrew by the time we realized the Rolling Stones were cooler than the Beatles. Hey, I'm sorry EPL fans...but own up, who would you rather spend time with...Eve, forever plotzing about her erstwhile ex, or a Dolgoff woman who tries to remember former husbands in their correct matrimonial order?

Getting older isn't something to be afraid of. If it's good enough for Susan Sarandon, it's good enough for you and me. Besides, if you live right, eat right, and start having things lifted, tightened and surgically rebuilt when you hit the half century mark, you'll sail through the ensuing decades looking and feeling like a new woman -- because most of you will be!

Enjoy this book and share it with grown up friends!

If you've been feeling stuck between age groups...not quite old, not quite young...this book might be for you.
If you've noticed that young store employees have started calling you "maam" instead of "miss", this book might be for you.
If you feel too mature for most of the clothes in your closet, this book might be for you.
If people tell you that you look good, and then add "for your age" to the end of the sentence, this book might be for you.
If you refuse to believe that 'hotness' ends in your 20's, this book might be for you.

The author writes a blog about her adventures as a 'formerly' young attractive woman. This book is a summary of her blog.
I gave this book 3 stars. It was entertaining, because I can relate to many of the things she's experienced, or I expect these things to happen to me in the next few years. I believe the goal of this book is to help women age gracefully and realize that they are not alone in the experience...and that 'formerly' is a great time of life.

I loved this book! I had read the Formerly Hot blog, I had also read people's comments after other blogs posted articles on the upcoming publication of this book and it seemed many people were troubled (some actually enraged!) by the idea that you turned a certain age and were no longer HOT, or at least thats what the title suggested to them. They completely missed the point!

I was never a guy magnet in my 20s. Unlike Stephanie Dolgoff I was never asked the time for any reason other than guysjust wanted the time :( I was attractive enough and even at times beautiful, but not in the Sex in the City way that gets you a night out without having to pay for a single drink. I actually get much more attention today as a 43 yr old mother of 3 than I EVER got in my 20s. I attribute that to knowing myself and being ridiculously confident (something I NEVER was) and all of those other things related to being a 'Formerly' that Stephanie talks about in this book.

Even though I am far happier with myself now than I ever was when I belonged to that ever so desirable 19-35 demographic, I still went through all of those painful, slow motion at times, "bitch-slap" realizations that I was no longer the age I felt I was. You know, when you realize that all of the hot new actors (the ones that you respect and can actually act) being touted as the next Pacino or Meryl, could actually be your CHILDREN!!! - NO!!!....yes...sigh.

Well thank you Stephanie, for saying it and for helping me laugh about it and for still looking pretty darn hot as a formerly.

Ok, so let me start with the caveat that I'm not quite yet old enough to fit into the "formerly hot" demographic if you go by age alone, I'm 9 years younger than the author. That being said, I thought I would be able to relate to this book because I did a lot of "wild and crazy" stuff in the years before I was Married with Cats and a Mortgage, so I figured I would be able to relate.

So. Not. True.

Maybe it's because the author was raised in NYC, so she has a different scale that she uses to judge the normal life experience of most women (for example, I was raised in a farm town where the super-cool kids bought their clothes at Express *before* they went on the clearance racks, so shopping for jeans isn't a huge problem for me because I just go to Old Navy, and probably will until I'm about 70 - never bought expensive designer jeans, so I'll never miss it), but I knew this book wasn't going to do it for me when she recounted how her days of going out clubbing in open-toed stilettos while it was snowing are clearly over, and now she passes those young 20-somethings and might, for a second, feel self conscious because she's unattractively dressed in a huge coat and boots, but at least she's warm. And that makes her feel grown up and wise.

But here's the thing.

I lived in NYC too when I was a young 20-something, and I also used to pass by groups of girls wearing, like, no clothes in a snowstorm. But my practical friends and I, wearing out scarfs and warm coats, would just joke about how cute they'd all look when they had pneumonia and were coughing up a lung.

So now I get it - the author was one of "those" girls. So this book should be renamed: "When the Insecure Girls Finally Start to Grow Up." In which case, I wouldn't have ordered it.

Lest I sound too harsh, the writing is what kept me going. She's definitely a talented writer, to keep me coming back for chapter after chapter of listening to her whine about how she's not as skinny as she once was. And in the last chapter, she displayed a sliver of self-awareness, which I found somewhat redeeming.

I fully expected this book to be funny and deliver lots of laughs and great humor. Unfortunately I was quite disappointed.

As mentioned by a few other readers, the author has a very wordy, meandering style to her writing. I often thought "Geez - get to your point" and "Didn't she learn to edit her commentary?". Also like other readers I found myself losing interest.

I had originally intended to write my review after fully reading the book (as is most commonly done, obviously...) However, at this point I just can't bring myself to bother finishing it as it just doesn't seem to hold my interest.

I also agree with another reviewer who suggested this would have been better suited to a magazine article rather than a full length book. It did have more of that feel to me - as though it was originally intended to be an article and the author later decided to add a bunch of filler and make it into a book instead. We would have all been better served if it were an article instead, I think.

For those who loved the book - I'm glad you do and I wish that I did! The premise was so promising. Oh well.

Summary: Long winded, meandering writing style. Didn't deliver on the humor. Disappointing.

There was a lot of to laugh at and identify with as Stephanie Dolgoff presents her "Formerly Hot Life."

Too, there was a great deal of reality as one transitions into the 40's.

What made this book a three star was the incessant recanting of woe is me. It seems that Stephanie has a pretty great life and her obsession with herself becomes annoying.

I knew it was going downhill for certain when Stephanie referenced in analogy Anne Frank, Baghdad bombings etc.
There is no way I can justify any humor on aging and cite such horrific instances.

I had great hopes for a humorous take on gracefully easing into the fourth decade of womanhood after I read an interview with the author in the New York Times. Unfortunately, this book is a mildly funny one-tone song. This books is one long, narcissistic whine about "woe is me and my aging." The book periodically acknowledges that there are greater woes in the world than becoming "formerly hot," where men no longer hit on you, when the body grows jiggly. I realize that this book is supposed to be light, frothy, and fun, but I didn't enjoy this slog. The books's essays felt like listening to a friend who was the former hunk magnet whine incessantly about how she was no longer such a hottie in her forties. It gets tiresome and repetitive and frankly, as working moms, we all have better ways to spend our time. I got as far as I did in this book since I was obligated to read as much as possible for the Amazon Vine program.

My Formerly Hot Life's funny beginning lured me in on the first page, but by page 4, my mind was swirling. By page 15, I had a headache and kept losing my place. I found the writer's style is impossibly circuitous, overly detailed.

Maybe it's her "Type-Every-Single-Random-Thought-That-Comes-In-My-Head" style. (It's too much!) Or maybe it's that this book would have been better off left as a blog or a magazine article. Was she just trying to pad her stories with details to fill an entire book?

She has good points to make, but good luck follwing her long winded & meandering paragraphs to get to a gem. I find it especially interesting that Mrs. Dolgoff is an editor, one who would seemingly know better. Ironic.

Sadly, I can't recommend this book because I didn't even want to finish it.

I picked up this book after seeing Ms. Dolgoff on the Today Show last month. I liked her and the subject matter of this book (dust bin dry synopsis: self worth hinging on appearance and the impact of aging) was interesting. I am not particularly into the whole "one woman's journey of epic self discovery" thing and will admit to being one of the people who put down Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia while Ms. Gilbert was still Eating. (Mostly irrelevant side note: I did like the movie Under the Tuscan Sun (Widescreen Edition) - but I think that had more to do with the divine Diane Lane than the subject matter of the story.) These sorts of books tend to be either humorous (requiring you to enjoy the author's particular brand of silly) information intensive (requiring you to care enough to sit through the lecture) or maudlin (requiring you to have your therapist on speed dial). Thankfully Ms. Dolgoff examines and informs while keeping things on the light side. Being a woman of a certain age in this country is no picnic but if we can't laugh about our absurd self-obsession then how are we to go on?

This book reads like a series of blog entries - chapters being devoted to consideration of different issues associated with the slide/ascent from firm and formless to saggy but solid. Some chapters are more humorous: like "B**ch Slap Birthday" in which the author realizes that she has slid from Babe to Boring. Other chapters are almost poignant: "Of Two Minds , One Body" is a solid reflection on the hypocrisy of saying we want to be like Ruth Meier Ginsberg and spending our time, money and energy on living up to the perennially young Demi Moore. We know where true value lies but we don't trust ourselves or others to value it. As the author observes in the final paragraph of the chapter, "That's my biggest fear about looking older: not that I'll wind up alone or unloved, but that I'll wind up unheard."


Overall this is a worthwhile and entertaining look at going from ripening to ripe.