Customer Reviews

My Guy: A Gay Man's Guide to a Lasting Relationship

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

The title should be more like A Gay Man's Guide to Basic Dating from a Disco Drag Queens Viewpoint. I was looking for advice on resolving conflict and keeping the lines of communication open...definitely not the book for me. There is some good advice for those that have no clue about how to start dating, but which seems so obvious. The author seems to contradict himself many times, telling you not to compromise, but then advocating looking for dates is some questionable places.

Martin Kantor's book, My Guy: A Gay man's Guide to a Lasting Relationship is one of those few books that I would classify as
one of my Bibles. I enjoyed reading this book because it was in-
sightful and highly motivating. It also gives valuable informa-
tion on psychological concepts, etc.
Although the book is geared to a gay clientele, individuals of
other orientations can certainly benefit from reading this book.
Once My Guy is read completely, it can be refered to again to re-

fresh one's memory or to consult about certain issues.
In the introduction it stated that many other books on the same subject tend to be superficial and light weight in approach.
I found this to be true as far as another book that I read en-
titled Husband Hunting Made Easy. It had advice such as "Never date
anyone better looking than you; Don't date men who wax; and Never date anyone with the same first name."
In addition, My Guy presents information on how to become Mr.

Right for someone else, how to worm one's way into another's heart, and, what I found to be truly helpful, the concept that one needs to network with others in order to meet that special
person.
As a person who has done historical and cultural research, I
find Kantor's advice to not dedicate one's life to becoming famous and/or leaving ones' mark on the world somewhat difficult to follow. However this is one area where perhaps some of us need to work on or modify somewhat in order to fullfill our needs. (This advice that is being referred to is found in Kantor's section on distractions.)
An important message for gay men to hear is what surely is the
main idea of this book, which in summary is, "Being in a relation
ship is better than not being in one. So get into a relationship! Stop looking for that knight in shining armour. If a guy is good enough, then go for it."
Reading Kantor's book with its step by step process will definitely change your life.

A worthy book-unflinching but also competent and caring. Kantor affirms that a relationship has many values, then offers a nine-step guide to ready oneself toward gaining it. His candid insider's view of the gay male "scene" (and psyche) incisively presents much "dirty laundry," but only the better to wash it clean.

Effective? Well, he does as much as printed words can to help any gay man who is already together enough potentially to be capable of these self-improvements on his own without formal therapy. To such candidates he issues gentle wake-up calls away from general immaturity of self, and ineffectiveness in seeking a man. Become your better self for your hoped-for "better half." (Only hope that the man you seek has also already read this book-or didn't have to...)

We have here considerable craftiness-not bad manipulation, just a laser-radar for finding gay men virtually everywhere. We have mature strategy and tactics. We don't have to be doormats to the other person, but we do need to be flexible, and descend from the many "high horses" which human flesh, men especially, and gay men also, are heir to. (Or as he says, balance between being "a shy shrinking violet and an intrusive Venus flytrap.")

So Kantor's subtle, complex, both-and view (present in his other books also) counsels balance. He says act happy but not euphoric. Be calm but not withdrawn. Be assertive but not pushy. And more.

Oh, and all of it seasoned with frequent (and relevant) fine flashes of the best Jewish-mother wry wit, too. Seasoned wisdom here.

Appropriate advice for those just coming out to the gay scene, but much too basic for those with a few years experience under their belt. Common sense pointers such as work-out, dress nice, exude self-confidence and get out as much as possible to network. The author has the annoying habit of using dated terms like "sisters" to describe gay friends and pushes his own monogamous relationship as an "ideal".

Finally a book that is directed towards gay men written by a gay man who is experienced in helping others find stable, healthy, monogamous relationships. This is what many of us need out here - not another relationship-touting self-help book that goes by stereotypes and pre-conceived notions and leaves you feeling even more hopeless if you are indeed hoping to build a real relationship with someone of the same sex. It is possible and Dr. Kantor gives us a wonderful step-by-step approach. I find myself going back and reading again certain sections and committing it to memory. THANK YOU, Dr. Kantor, for this wonderful guide. It is much needed and much appreciated.

Very insightful and direct. Most interesting were the discussions of networking to meet Mr. Right and improving yourself while seeking, and the patience required during this time. Also, not having unrealistic expectations. What lends most credibility is that it was written by someone with experience - both personally and from counseling gay men. Another interesting chapter was on where to meet someone. I didn't want to put it down.

"My Guy: A Gay Man's Guide to a Lasting Relationship" is beautifully written, and chock full of useful information and advice on relationships. While specifically geared toward gay male relationships, the book has value for both gay and straight readers alike, and offers practical tips that the reader can utilize right away. Dr. Kantor uses his professional expertise to address practical nitty-gritty of finding and keeping a loving relationship---and does so in a useable, easy-to-read format. A great book!

After you read your "coming out" book, this is the next book you should read. I must say that it has excellent advice on dealing with your inner expectations and ideals - reality checks, etc. The book is an awesome read, serious, and easy to understand. Prince Charming is out there! This book will help you get started. I do agree that this book is more for the beginner, and for those looking for serious relationships.

If I could have given it 10 stars I would have. This is an amazing book, just what the single gay man looking to give up frantic cruising and settle down ordered. Hot tips on how to meet that guy of your dreams helped my friends find the man they were looking for. Full of specific doable suggestions based on Dr. Kantor's startling insights into how gay men operate, and sometimes malfunction, with advice on ways to look deeply at yourself and change along indicated lines so that you not only can find the right man for you, you can be the right man for him.

I became interested in this book after seeing someone reading it. I was waiting to see a broadway show and watched a fellow write a love note to his true love, who happened to be a co-star of the show for which I was waiting. When not scribbing notes to his beloved on notepaper, this young guy was readiing "My Guy" for inspiration. I am as big a fan of "Too Close for Confort" as the next guy, so I understand the excitment, but... having viewed what can best be decribed as a nutso stalker who carried "My Guy" around like the nutso fundamentalists carry around the bible, it became apparent that this little self-help book has its limits.

The are limits to who you can have as a lover. One could take all the feel-good stuff from this book, utilize it, and it is still true. You can't have ANYONE.. ultimately it is another person's choice to enter into a relationship with you, or not. That cannot be earned. It is rarely deserved. It is some other individual's choice, over which anyone else has precious little control.

That said, there are some good points made by this book. While you cannot dictate who will be intrerested in having a relationship with you (take it from one who has tried), you can make yourself understand that you deserve someone who will be honest and fair with you in a relationship. The remedy if he is not honest or fair is that you move on, not that he becomes fixed to your specificiations.

Gay dating is complicated-- just like het dating is-- and at least, if not more, understood. The questions and answers provided in "My Guy" are the beginning, and only that for persons who are mature, understanding, and accepting.

This book is worthwhile for novice daters only (for reasons pointed out by other reviewers). It is also only for readers who are insecure enought not to know that they are entitled to respect and equality..