My Husband, My Friend: A Memoir [Paperback]

Neile McQueen Toffel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 9, 2006

MY HUSBAND, MY FRIENDTHE REAL STEVE McQUEEN - FROM ABANDONED CHILD TO GLITTERINGSUPERSTAR TO HAUNTED MAN. . . . Now his wife of 15 and a half years, Neile, who rode the dazzling Hollywood roller coaster with him, reveals A Steve McQueen no one knew - his good side, his crazy side, his dark side. . . .

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Penina Spiegel notes in her biography McQueen (reviewed above) that Toffel, McQueen's first wife, informed her about material never before revealed about the late actor. Toffel, however, here presents her own, more intimate story. The affinity between her and her husband was forged by similarly deprived childhoods, she writes; like him, she was neglected by a promiscuous mother. Surviving a Japanese prison camp in the Philippines during World War II, she returned to the U.S. and established herself as a dancer on the Broadway stage in the early 1950s, and then married Steve McQueen. The couple settled in Hollywood, where he rose to stardom. They had two children before their 16-year marriage ended in divorce after McQueen's headlined affair with Ali McGraw. The breakup was the result of her husband's womanizing, public scandals, boozing and drug taking, according to Toffel. Yet she continued to regard him as her friend, she maintains, and they remained bed partners during his later marriages. The book ends with the poignant account of McQueen's death from cancer in 1980. Photos not seen by PW. January 17
Copyright 1985 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 360 pages
• Publisher: AuthorHouse; 20 Anv edition (November 9, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1425918182
• ISBN-13: 978-1425918187
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #622,870 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Steve McQueen by Neile, September 26, 2005

By 

Ms_Scout (Texas USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: My Husband, My Friend (Hardcover)

I just recently read this book for the first time. Its a very interesting book and I'm glad Neile wrote it. She married Steve McQueen before he was Steve McQueen movie star. Neile was actually more successful than Steve when they married. She was the breadwinner for a while after they married. No one can accuse her of marrying for money or fame. After they married, she basically became his supporter and helper to climb that ladder of success and fame. She did a great job too. Steve always trusted her judgment, even after they divorced.

Neile takes us from their humble beginnings to the heights of Steve's fame. She got to enjoy Steve's success for a few years with him before it really started to go to his head and poison their relationship, along with the drugs and women.

Anyone who is interested in the life of Steve McQueen and his career can't ignore this book. Neile was Steve's first wife and longest marriage (15.5 years together) and the mother of his two children. She shares so many interesting stories of their times together. She tells of a cross-country car drive she and Steve made early in their marriage. Steve wanted her to see the US. Once they arrived in New York from California, Neile told Steve she finally knew what America looked like - a blur. Steve loved speed - as in fast cars and motorcycles. Later he came to love another kind of speed.

There are so many interesting stories about so many interesting people - Frank Sinatra, Yul Brenner, Robert Vaughn, James Garner, Paul Newman. Also, Natalee Wood, Lee Remick, Faye Dunaway, Jacqueline Bisset, Suzanne Pleshette, all Steve's co-stars at one time or another. And of course, Ali MacGraw, his co-star in "The Getaway" who married Steve after his divorce from Neile. She was not the reason for the divorce and Neile always liked her and still does. She didn't know his third wife, Barbara Minty, very well, but thought Barbara looked like she could be Ali's daughter.

Neile covers Steve's life all the way to the end when he died of cancer at age 50. I remember when he died in 1980. I was 23 and thought he was getting on up there. Now I realize how many more years he should have had and that he died young.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Michael Manning's Review of "My Husband, My Friend" by Neile Adams, March 27, 2008

By 

MICHAEL MANNING - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

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This review is from: My Husband, My Friend: A Memoir (Paperback)

Neile Adams is a remarkable and beautiful woman who is as relevant today as she was as a dancer and actress in such movies as "The Pajama Game" and "This Could Be The Night". Her candid recollections of her private life with Steve McQueen is heart-rendering and courageous as it is honest. This is no sugar-coated book. Adams reveals her own short comings, as well as her suffering as a result of Steve's childhood trauma and it's life-long effects throughout adulthood with his destructive behavior. I write this as a huge fan of Steve McQueen and with the greatest of respect. The book is very well written and is frankly, hard to put down. Anyone who has suffered multiple losses will relate to Adams and hopefully be inspired that she is a survivor who continues to record as a singer to this day. A "must read"!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you've liked even one McQueen movie, you'll like this book, May 4, 2010

By 

bookkook (DFW TX) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: My Husband, My Friend: A Memoir (Paperback)

Steve McQueen has been gone for 30 years and the number of people that remember when he was A Famous Movie Star are naturally diminishing. However, his story is so compelling that familiarity with just one of his movies will make this book worth your time. Any bikers or car racing enthusiasts will find much to enjoy as well. My suggestions are Bullitt, On any Sunday, or The Great Escape - all of which feature impressive car or bike sequences.

Steve grew up in what now seems like another age. His father abandoned the family quickly, and his mother apparently felt that she was unable to earn a living and raise Steve also. He was left with a kindly uncle, who helped him learn some measure of discipline as a child. Reunited as a teen with his mother, he drifted into minor crime, reform school, and a few years floating around the world drinking and let's say 'dating actively'- before trying to make his way as an actor in New York.

Neile Adams was far more successful than Steve when they fell in love and married - in just four months. She subordinated her career to his as soon as possible, because he wouldn't have it any other way. He was willful, stubborn, hopelessly self centered yet kind and generous, a gamboling boy inside a big tough guy. He had to be the center of all attention, and Neile's attention especially.

Steve was relentlessly unfaithful and a committed drug user from well before their marriage. His bad habits were fueled rather than calmed by his success. The debacles and humiliations related to women and drugs steadily escalated over the years to the point that Neile could no longer tolerate it. She remained his best friend and closest adviser until his death by all accounts. This book relates the story, from Boy meets Girl to the ugly end and back to friendship in a warm, honest and loving way. Neile managed somehow keep her exasperation from becoming bitterness, her disappointment from becoming defeat. She was the love of Steve's life, as he's stated elsewhere, and the reason why is clear in this story. I became a fan of hers during the course of the book.

She is a one time author, and should be heartily commended for her organization, style and ability to tell a story, and her publisher as well for brilliantly allowing her to do so. A critical edit would have resulted in a few different terms and possibly a bit more streamlining, but it wouldn't have been the same story.