My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy (Paperback)

by Andrea Askowitz (Author) "At 11 A.M..." (more)
Key Phrases: birth center, Bike Out, Andrea Stern, Los Angeles (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Andrea Askowitz brilliant debut memoir is the exact kind of thing I'm always looking for at the bookstore--something that reads like an intimate yet super funny, painfully true letter from my very best friend. Andrea is like a girl version of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs, mining perfect comedic moments from the very worst of life's offerings. You don't have to be miserable, lonely or a lesbian to completely relate to the hilarious journey that is Andrea's life." -- Jill Soloway author of Tiny Women In Shiny Pants and writer on Six Feet Under.

"Funny, sad, unblinkingly honest--I would give this one to any pregnant friend and a few who aren't."-Joyce Maynard author of At Home in the World, The Usual Rules and To Die For

"Andrea is the lesbian Annie Lamott. Her book makes me want not to donate sperm."-Taylor Negron, actor -- More Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"Hilarious and all too true. After my own miserable lesbian pregnancy, Andrea Askowitz's confessions cheered me up immeasurably."-Ariel Gore author of The Hip Mama Survival Guide

"Andrea Askowitz, is warm, funny and filthy"--Slate.com -- Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"This is one whiny, bitchy pregnant lady--and you can't help but love her. Askowitz is funny and fearless." -- Louise Sloan author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom

"You don't have to be a miserable, lonely, pregnant lesbian to adore Andrea Askowitz's awfully funny story. Anyone who enjoys schadenfreude, laugh-out-loud asides, and frank depictions of biological horrors will love this wonderful book. You will read it dog-eared and quote the most outrageous parts at length to all your friends. An awfully funny story." -- Jennifer Traig author of Devil In the Details: Scenes from an Obsessive Girlhood

Product Description
"The woman closest to me is eating Saltines. The sound of her eating makes me want to retch. I wish she would offer me one."

Andrea Askowitz has the best life in the world. She's pregnant and healthy. She has friends and family who love her. She has money and meaningful work. And all she can do is obsess about the one thing she doesn't have: Kate, her ex-girlfriend. My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is a funny, whiny, all-too-real account of one girl's true adventure in maternity. From finding a great donor who turns out to be shooting blanks ("I was a lesbian with male fertility problems.") through all-day morning sickness and graduation into "fat-girl underwear," Andrea's life reads like an antidote to sugar-sweet pregnancy guides and memoirs. In week 8, her sense of smell becomes so strong that she can tell what deodorant people are wearing. In week 28, she plans a pity party, complete with black-only dress code and a violin player: "It isn't an attempt to make fun of myself, because that would be too joyous."

Irreverent and whip-smart, My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is potent therapy for ill-timed break-ups, leg cramps, constipation, and every other downside to a dream come true.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 241 pages
• Publisher: Cleis Press; illustrated edition edition (April 28, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1573443158
• ISBN-13: 978-1573443159
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 4.9 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #466,769 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars As Cranky, Foul-Mouthed, and Funny As She Wants To Be, May 11, 2008

By	Rachel Kramer Bussel "Cupcakes Take the Cake ... (New York City) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)

This book may have a rubber ducky on it and a baby born at the end of it, but beyond that, it has little to do with most parenting/pregnancy books, and the fact that Askowitz is single or a lesbian aren't, ultimately, what sets it apart so much as her outlook. She's supposed to be ecstatic; she split up with her long-term girlfriend and went through the rounds of picking out a sperm donor specifically so she could become the mom she's longed to be.

But she's not happy. At all. She misses her girlfriend fiercely, and is still dealing with the harrowing death of her lifelong friend. Both of these events, the breakup and the loss of her friend, form the backdrop to the growing life inside of her. Yet they don't stop Askowitz from being scathingly hilarious, sparing no one, including her siblings, parents, extended family, friends, exes, coworkers and Lesbian Camping. When talking about how her ex-girlfriend Kate gained 40 pounds while they were together, Askowitz doesn't hide her revulsion, and upon being asked "Would you want my body?" Askowitz replies "No, but it's perfect on you." Askowitz then wonders, "Why couldn't I have said nothing, or changed the subject?" It might be tough to take if your its recipient, but as a reader, Askowitz has taken her best moments and turned them into something that readers can laugh at.

Oh, and she also rightly calls Sex and the City on a particularly self-loathing moment, which Amazon probably won't let me repost (it has the "p" word in it). Prepare for a lot of profanity. Prepare to sometimes get sick of Askowitz's whining. Prepare to laugh uproariously at very simple but moments, like her reflections on one of her potential sperm donors: "5599's brother was diagnosed and treated for obsessive-compulsive disorder at 21. He wrote: `My brother's health is excellent. He's taking medication, and he's fine now.' His maternal grandmother drank herself to death at 45. He'd probably say she's fine now. He's out."

Sometimes it's hard to wonder just how those in her life put up with Askowitz's demands during her pregnancy, yet this is what makes powerful memoir: honesty. She doesn't sugarcoat her grouchiness or the intensity of labor. And perhaps the most vital story here isn't about Askowitz becoming a mother, but searching for acceptance from her family after feeling like the family freak after she came out as a teenager. The end is the tearjerker the rest of the book hasn't quite prepared you for, yet she still ends on a note so befitting this book, I'll just have to quote it: "Excuse me, Dana, that's my tit."

Askowtiz may have been miserable and lonely, but this book is full of humor, not the kind going for cheap easy laughs, but a very strongly Jewish, feminist, often righteous, lesbian brand of humor Askowitz was clearly born with. It's uncensored, full of dyke drama, told in sometimes brief diary snippets, with other asides into her childhood in Los Angeles. This memoir has roots, and will make you laugh as well as cry as it goes from childhood to death to birth and circles through the three. I'm glad Askowitz didn't try to soften any of her edges, because her sadness, flashes of anger, moments of self-pity and doubt coincide perfectly with her humor and faith in the future and her child. And you so don't need to be a lesbian or pregnant to enjoy it (though I'd imagine being either will make it an even better read).

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Going it Alone, May 11, 2008

By	Amos Lassen (Little Rock, Arkansas) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)

Askowitz, Andrea. "My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy", Cleis Press, 2008.

Going it Alone

Amos Lassen

I never thought that I would enjoy reading a book about a lesbian being pregnant, but I must say I absolutely loved Andrea Askowitz's "My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy". It is tremendously funny and honest at the same time as well as being a bit "naughty".
There is no question in my mind that Andrea Askowitz is what we call a "Jewish American princess" or more familiarly a jap. She is unmarried and she is a loner. More important is that she decided to become a mother even though she is not in a relationship and still is upset that our last affair did not work out. But she is a lesbian and she is proud of that. Her adventures and misadventures had me smiling the entire time that I read her book.
She also provides us with some valuable information like an alternative view to reproduction and how a lesbian with a liberal bend feels about becoming a parent. I came out of this book really liking not only the book but the author as well. It's a fun read so get a copy and see for yourself.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great read! , May 2, 2008

By	Yael Weinman (Washington, DC) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Yes, I was Andrea's roommate sophomore year, and yes, I skipped Desperate Housewives (and Brothers & Sisters) to read her book. You don't have to be a friend of Andrea's to love this book. And you don't have to be a lesbian to relate to her life. Even if you've never been pregnant you'll get something out of the wide range of emotions captured in this sometimes funny, sometimes painful book. It chronicles Andrea's life as she tries to get pregnant, tries to stay sane during pregnancy, and tries to get the baby out, which she finally does. (The way she describes labor and what it does to her body will make you laugh and cringe at the same time.) The book also gives you a glimpse of Andrea's life growing up in Miami, as the only daughter in a nice Jewish family and her intense high school friendships, some of which she has maintained throughout her life. You'll also learn about her coming out as a lesbian and how she aches for her ex-girlfriend for whom she still has strong feelings. A strong presence in the book is her high school friend that died of cancer and left behind a husband and two small children. I knew this friend and remember the strong bond between them even though there were such different people. I strongly recommend this book - you'll laugh, you'll cry, it's better than CATS! (Did I mention that a cat also plays a role in the book?) Enjoy the book!