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My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy Paperback – April 28, 2008


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My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy + The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians: How to Stay Sane and Care for Yourself from Pre-conception through Birth, 2nd Edition
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 241 pages
  • Publisher: Cleis Press (April 28, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1573443158
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573443159
  • Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 5.1 x 7.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,604,787 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Andrea Askowitz brilliant debut memoir is the exact kind of thing I'm always looking for at the bookstore--something that reads like an intimate yet super funny, painfully true letter from my very best friend. Andrea is like a girl version of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs, mining perfect comedic moments from the very worst of life's offerings. You don't have to be miserable, lonely or a lesbian to completely relate to the hilarious journey that is Andrea's life." -- Jill Soloway author of Tiny Women In Shiny Pants and writer on Six Feet Under.

"Funny, sad, unblinkingly honest--I would give this one to any pregnant friend and a few who aren't."-Joyce Maynard author of At Home in the World, The Usual Rules and To Die For

"Andrea is the lesbian Annie Lamott. Her book makes me want not to donate sperm."-Taylor Negron, actor -- More Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"Hilarious and all too true. After my own miserable lesbian pregnancy, Andrea Askowitz's confessions cheered me up immeasurably."-Ariel Gore author of The Hip Mama Survival Guide

"Andrea Askowitz, is warm, funny and filthy"--Slate.com -- Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"This is one whiny, bitchy pregnant lady--and you can't help but love her. Askowitz is funny and fearless." -- Louise Sloan author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom

"You don't have to be a miserable, lonely, pregnant lesbian to adore Andrea Askowitz's awfully funny story. Anyone who enjoys schadenfreude, laugh-out-loud asides, and frank depictions of biological horrors will love this wonderful book. You will read it dog-eared and quote the most outrageous parts at length to all your friends. An awfully funny story." -- Jennifer Traig author of Devil In the Details: Scenes from an Obsessive Girlhood

From the Back Cover

Andrea Askowitz has the best life in the world. She's pregnant and healthy. She has friends and family who love her. She has money and meaningful work. And all she can do is obsess about the one thing she doesn't have: Kate, her ex-girlfriend. My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is a funny, whiny, all-too-real account of one girl's true adventure in maternity. From finding a great donor who turns out to be shooting blanks ("I was a lesbian with male fertility problems.") through all-day morning sickness and graduation into "fat-girl underwear," Andrea's life reads like an antidote to sugar-sweet pregnancy guides and memoirs. In week 8, her sense of smell becomes so strong that she can tell what deodorant people are wearing. In week 28, she plans a pity party, complete with black-only dress code and a violin player: "It isn't an attempt to make fun of myself, because that would be too joyous." Irreverent and whip-smart, My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is potent therapy for ill-timed break-ups, leg cramps, constipation, and every other downside to a dream come true.

More About the Author

I've performed stories about my life at venues throughout Los Angeles and Miami including Sit 'n Spin at Comedy Central Stage, Spark at Powerhouse Theater, Lip Service at the Zephyr Theatre, Word-a-Rama at Highland Grounds, the Fake Gallery, Lip Service at Books & Books, and Miami Book Fair International.

I'm the co-producer of Lip Service, the most honest and entertaining literary event outside of New York City. Lip Service is true stories out loud and is a quarterly production of Books & Books in Miami.For submission schedules and show dates go to: http://www.lipservicestories.com

My work has also appeared in The New York Blade, The Washington Blade, The Manhattan Resident, Looking Queer, Feminist Alternative Press, Affinity, TWN, Hers, Offsprung.com, and ibelle, a very cool 'zine that went under.

I got a master's degree from The George Washington University and a bachelor's degree from the University of Pennsylvania and spent several years after college trying to save the world as an environmental advocate and civil rights organizer. My last real job was directing Bike Out, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of queer youth through mountain biking expeditions.

Now, I'm a full time mom and writer and an occasional adjunct professor of creative nonfiction at Florida International University.

Customer Reviews

3.7 out of 5 stars
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See all 11 customer reviews
You feel like you are truly being let into her life.
Jade Blue
I've read some of Andrea's work, and now raced through MY MISERABLE LONELY LESBIAN PREGNANCY that justjustjust came out.
J Faust
Like David Sedaris if he lost the ability to be funny and endearing.
Amazon Customer

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Ashleigh on April 1, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I understand that memoirs anymore are striving for the 'shock and awe', but this book takes it a little far. I suppose if you are interested in reading this novel and are A.) NOT pregnant or wishing to become pregnant or B.) NOT a lesbian, I get that it might be charming or funny, in a satirical way.

I didn't find Ms. Askowitz endearing in any way. She came across as whiny and petulant, and I spent the whole time wishing she'd just shut up and quit complaining. As a lesbian, it's not like she became pregnant on accident. I know that pregnancy isn't always blue skies and perfection, but do I really need to hear someone b*tch about it for an entire novel? I'm actually upset with myself for finishing the book, since it didn't end any better than it began.

The one thing I'll give her is that she does admit that she's a pain and her attitude was poor at times. Even with those admittances, I still found her memoir disheartening and ugly.

When I bought this book, I read all the reviews saying it's a cheeky, cute, funny memoir and thought to myself that it would be a good read for me, a lesbian hoping to conceive a child soon. I was completely and totally wrong. My partner and I were both horrified by this novel. If you're looking for a nice, funny memoir about a lesbian pregnancy, THIS IS NOT IT. The title is less tongue-in-cheek than you might think. I considered re-selling it through Amazon, but I'm not even willing to put this book back into circulation!
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Rachel Kramer Bussel VINE VOICE on May 11, 2008
Format: Paperback
This book may have a rubber ducky on it and a baby born at the end of it, but beyond that, it has little to do with most parenting/pregnancy books, and the fact that Askowitz is single or a lesbian aren't, ultimately, what sets it apart so much as her outlook. She's supposed to be ecstatic; she split up with her long-term girlfriend and went through the rounds of picking out a sperm donor specifically so she could become the mom she's longed to be.

But she's not happy. At all. She misses her girlfriend fiercely, and is still dealing with the harrowing death of her lifelong friend. Both of these events, the breakup and the loss of her friend, form the backdrop to the growing life inside of her. Yet they don't stop Askowitz from being scathingly hilarious, sparing no one, including her siblings, parents, extended family, friends, exes, coworkers and Lesbian Camping. When talking about how her ex-girlfriend Kate gained 40 pounds while they were together, Askowitz doesn't hide her revulsion, and upon being asked "Would you want my body?" Askowitz replies "No, but it's perfect on you." Askowitz then wonders, "Why couldn't I have said nothing, or changed the subject?" It might be tough to take if your its recipient, but as a reader, Askowitz has taken her best moments and turned them into something that readers can laugh at.

Oh, and she also rightly calls Sex and the City on a particularly self-loathing moment, which Amazon probably won't let me repost (it has the "p" word in it). Prepare for a lot of profanity. Prepare to sometimes get sick of Askowitz's whining. Prepare to laugh uproariously at very simple but moments, like her reflections on one of her potential sperm donors: "5599's brother was diagnosed and treated for obsessive-compulsive disorder at 21.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on July 6, 2012
Format: Paperback
My partner wants to have a baby, and God help us all if she turns into the nightmare that is Andrea Askowitz in this novel. Another reader said she came off as petulant. I agree. I know she chalks it up to her pregnancy emotions, but the whole time I just want to say "STOP BEING A JERK TO YOUR FRIENDS, stop calling your ex and get some support." Maddeningly irritating. Someone likened her to David Sedaris, a little. I guess I agree. Like David Sedaris if he lost the ability to be funny and endearing.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By E. Harary on May 2, 2008
Format: Paperback
I loved this book. I felt like a voyeur, an experience that felt
both naughty and satisfying. I got to know Andrea Askowitz. Now I
feel like she's a really good old friend.
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Format: Paperback
The author was someone I couldn't warm too. She was mean to her family, her friends, the military (furious her sperm bank offered to bank sperm for men about to tour Iraq) & well...the world in general.
It's hard to enjoy a book when you really dislike the person. It's a pity as its not a bad book. I've just rarely disliked an author more. So self absorbed & thoughtless. And just plain mean.
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By Scott D. Pomfret on October 1, 2008
Format: Paperback
A sure testament to a writer's talent is her ability to draw and hold a reader for whom the subject matter is congenitally unfamiliar. Andrea Askowitz has lots of talent: her comic tale of the hormonal trainwreck that was her Left Coast pregnancy without a partner kept me - a homosexual, non-Jewish man from the East Coast with no intention of raising children -- in stitches from start to finish. Never has schadenfreude been so sweet.

After breaking up with her girlfriend of five years, Askowitz decides to try pregnancy alone. She goes to the sperm bank, sifts through donors, falls in love with her OB/GYN, becomes deeply depressed, disses her brother, obsesses over everything that could go wrong, self-diagnoses non-existent cancer, gets "fat," learns what "doula" and a thousand other strange words mean, and ultimately gives birth to a child. Some of the fun along the way is certainly born of her self-absorption and misery and malcontentedness, but Askowitz is looking for witness as much as laughs. She imagines a party in which she invites her closest friends, insists they wear black and listen to her recite her top ten complaints about her life. "Thank you for coming," she writes. "Do not have fun."

Askowitz writes in a manner so immediate that the emotional surges, flashes of envy and of fury, and instant judgments as to people's worth are visceral. I didn't like those people Askowitz didn't like, and for those who complained about Askowitz's uncensored mouth, I stood by her in saying, Get used to it! I even winced when her nether parts ripped from stem to stern during birth.

A selection of some of Askowitz's choice humor:

* Days before Askowitz gives birth, "Nurse Jones ...
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