My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy [Paperback]

Andrea Askowitz (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 28, 2008

In this memoir of her 40 weeks and five days in hell, Andrea Askowitz takes an unflinching look at her pregnant life from struggling with hormones to poor body image to a self imposed exile from family to take us on a ride through the turbulence of single lesbian motherhood. Along the way we meet her liberal parents as they struggle with their daughter's choices, the lover she longs to reconnect with who goes M.I.A. before the pregnancy, the friends who turn out to be no help at all and strangers who offer up some unlikely kindness. Andrea presents herself real, raw, impossibly cranky yet deeply touching with her self-deprecating dark sense of humor that will make you wince or better yet send you into uncontrollable fits of laughter

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Andrea Askowitz brilliant debut memoir is the exact kind of thing I'm always looking for at the bookstore--something that reads like an intimate yet super funny, painfully true letter from my very best friend. Andrea is like a girl version of David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs, mining perfect comedic moments from the very worst of life's offerings. You don't have to be miserable, lonely or a lesbian to completely relate to the hilarious journey that is Andrea's life." -- Jill Soloway author of Tiny Women In Shiny Pants and writer on Six Feet Under.

"Funny, sad, unblinkingly honest--I would give this one to any pregnant friend and a few who aren't."-Joyce Maynard author of At Home in the World, The Usual Rules and To Die For

"Andrea is the lesbian Annie Lamott. Her book makes me want not to donate sperm."-Taylor Negron, actor -- More Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"Hilarious and all too true. After my own miserable lesbian pregnancy, Andrea Askowitz's confessions cheered me up immeasurably."-Ariel Gore author of The Hip Mama Survival Guide

"Andrea Askowitz, is warm, funny and filthy"--Slate.com -- Praise for Andrea Askowitz

"This is one whiny, bitchy pregnant lady--and you can't help but love her. Askowitz is funny and fearless." -- Louise Sloan author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom

"You don't have to be a miserable, lonely, pregnant lesbian to adore Andrea Askowitz's awfully funny story. Anyone who enjoys schadenfreude, laugh-out-loud asides, and frank depictions of biological horrors will love this wonderful book. You will read it dog-eared and quote the most outrageous parts at length to all your friends. An awfully funny story." -- Jennifer Traig author of Devil In the Details: Scenes from an Obsessive Girlhood

From the Back Cover

Andrea Askowitz has the best life in the world. She's pregnant and healthy. She has friends and family who love her. She has money and meaningful work. And all she can do is obsess about the one thing she doesn't have: Kate, her ex-girlfriend. My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is a funny, whiny, all-too-real account of one girl's true adventure in maternity. From finding a great donor who turns out to be shooting blanks ("I was a lesbian with male fertility problems.") through all-day morning sickness and graduation into "fat-girl underwear," Andrea's life reads like an antidote to sugar-sweet pregnancy guides and memoirs. In week 8, her sense of smell becomes so strong that she can tell what deodorant people are wearing. In week 28, she plans a pity party, complete with black-only dress code and a violin player: "It isn't an attempt to make fun of myself, because that would be too joyous." Irreverent and whip-smart, My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is potent therapy for ill-timed break-ups, leg cramps, constipation, and every other downside to a dream come true.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 241 pages
• Publisher: Cleis Press (April 28, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1573443158
• ISBN-13: 978-1573443159
• Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 5.1 x 7.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #519,842 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #19 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Biographies & Memoirs > Lesbian
  • #72 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Parenting & Families

More About the Author

I've performed stories about my life at venues throughout Los Angeles and Miami including Sit 'n Spin at Comedy Central Stage, Spark at Powerhouse Theater, Lip Service at the Zephyr Theatre, Word-a-Rama at Highland Grounds, the Fake Gallery, Lip Service at Books & Books, and Miami Book Fair International.

I'm the co-producer of Lip Service, the most honest and entertaining literary event outside of New York City. Lip Service is true stories out loud and is a quarterly production of Books & Books in Miami.For submission schedules and show dates go to: http://www.lipservicestories.com

My work has also appeared in The New York Blade, The Washington Blade, The Manhattan Resident, Looking Queer, Feminist Alternative Press, Affinity, TWN, Hers, Offsprung.com, and ibelle, a very cool 'zine that went under.

I got a master's degree from The George Washington University and a bachelor's degree from the University of Pennsylvania and spent several years after college trying to save the world as an environmental advocate and civil rights organizer. My last real job was directing Bike Out, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of queer youth through mountain biking expeditions.

Now, I'm a full time mom and writer and an occasional adjunct professor of creative nonfiction at Florida International University.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Uh, no. April 1, 2011

By Ashleigh

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I understand that memoirs anymore are striving for the 'shock and awe', but this book takes it a little far. I suppose if you are interested in reading this novel and are A.) NOT pregnant or wishing to become pregnant or B.) NOT a lesbian, I get that it might be charming or funny, in a satirical way.

I didn't find Ms. Askowitz endearing in any way. She came across as whiny and petulant, and I spent the whole time wishing she'd just shut up and quit complaining. As a lesbian, it's not like she became pregnant on accident. I know that pregnancy isn't always blue skies and perfection, but do I really need to hear someone b*tch about it for an entire novel? I'm actually upset with myself for finishing the book, since it didn't end any better than it began.

The one thing I'll give her is that she does admit that she's a pain and her attitude was poor at times. Even with those admittances, I still found her memoir disheartening and ugly.

When I bought this book, I read all the reviews saying it's a cheeky, cute, funny memoir and thought to myself that it would be a good read for me, a lesbian hoping to conceive a child soon. I was completely and totally wrong. My partner and I were both horrified by this novel. If you're looking for a nice, funny memoir about a lesbian pregnancy, THIS IS NOT IT. The title is less tongue-in-cheek than you might think. I considered re-selling it through Amazon, but I'm not even willing to put this book back into circulation!

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars As Cranky, Foul-Mouthed, and Funny As She Wants To Be May 11, 2008

By Rachel Kramer Bussel VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

This book may have a rubber ducky on it and a baby born at the end of it, but beyond that, it has little to do with most parenting/pregnancy books, and the fact that Askowitz is single or a lesbian aren't, ultimately, what sets it apart so much as her outlook. She's supposed to be ecstatic; she split up with her long-term girlfriend and went through the rounds of picking out a sperm donor specifically so she could become the mom she's longed to be.

But she's not happy. At all. She misses her girlfriend fiercely, and is still dealing with the harrowing death of her lifelong friend. Both of these events, the breakup and the loss of her friend, form the backdrop to the growing life inside of her. Yet they don't stop Askowitz from being scathingly hilarious, sparing no one, including her siblings, parents, extended family, friends, exes, coworkers and Lesbian Camping. When talking about how her ex-girlfriend Kate gained 40 pounds while they were together, Askowitz doesn't hide her revulsion, and upon being asked "Would you want my body?" Askowitz replies "No, but it's perfect on you." Askowitz then wonders, "Why couldn't I have said nothing, or changed the subject?" It might be tough to take if your its recipient, but as a reader, Askowitz has taken her best moments and turned them into something that readers can laugh at.

Oh, and she also rightly calls Sex and the City on a particularly self-loathing moment, which Amazon probably won't let me repost (it has the "p" word in it). Prepare for a lot of profanity. Prepare to sometimes get sick of Askowitz's whining. Prepare to laugh uproariously at very simple but moments, like her reflections on one of her potential sperm donors: "5599's brother was diagnosed and treated for obsessive-compulsive disorder at 21. He wrote: `My brother's health is excellent. He's taking medication, and he's fine now.' His maternal grandmother drank herself to death at 45. He'd probably say she's fine now. He's out."

Sometimes it's hard to wonder just how those in her life put up with Askowitz's demands during her pregnancy, yet this is what makes powerful memoir: honesty. She doesn't sugarcoat her grouchiness or the intensity of labor. And perhaps the most vital story here isn't about Askowitz becoming a mother, but searching for acceptance from her family after feeling like the family freak after she came out as a teenager. The end is the tearjerker the rest of the book hasn't quite prepared you for, yet she still ends on a note so befitting this book, I'll just have to quote it: "Excuse me, Dana, that's my tit."

Askowtiz may have been miserable and lonely, but this book is full of humor, not the kind going for cheap easy laughs, but a very strongly Jewish, feminist, often righteous, lesbian brand of humor Askowitz was clearly born with. It's uncensored, full of dyke drama, told in sometimes brief diary snippets, with other asides into her childhood in Los Angeles. This memoir has roots, and will make you laugh as well as cry as it goes from childhood to death to birth and circles through the three. I'm glad Askowitz didn't try to soften any of her edges, because her sadness, flashes of anger, moments of self-pity and doubt coincide perfectly with her humor and faith in the future and her child. And you so don't need to be a lesbian or pregnant to enjoy it (though I'd imagine being either will make it an even better read).

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars This will scare you off pregnancy. July 6, 2012

By crud pickle

Format:Paperback

My partner wants to have a baby, and God help us all if she turns into the nightmare that is Andrea Askowitz in this novel. Another reader said she came off as petulant. I agree. I know she chalks it up to her pregnancy emotions, but the whole time I just want to say "STOP BEING A JERK TO YOUR FRIENDS, stop calling your ex and get some support." Maddeningly irritating. Someone likened her to David Sedaris, a little. I guess I agree. Like David Sedaris if he lost the ability to be funny and endearing.