Customer Reviews

My Secret Bully

5 star:		(26)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Monica, a "tween" (8-12) is facing the ugly truth about subtle bullying. Her former friend Katie makes snide comments about her to other girls; excludes her from games and tells Monica who she can and cannot talk to.

Monica is devastated; she and Katie had been friends since they were in kindergarten. She cannot understand why Katie turned against her. She tells her mother about the problem, but the two are at a loss as to what to do. To Monica's mother's credit, she does not tell her to be nicer to Katie or blame her; I know from personal experience that when I was a tween that was the kind of atrocious advice I would have been given.

When Katie's insidious hostility becomes so aggressive, Monica suffers from tension and stomach pains. She dreads school. Naturally, this forces her hand into telling her mother about the problem. Monica is empowered once she learns her mother is an ally and not beguiled and duped by Other People's Children, as I always believed mine was. (I never understood why people who are blessed with children sing the praises of Other People's Children to their own.)

Monica's mother comes up with an excellent solution. She said to confront Katie using mental strategy; instead of stooping to retaliation, Monica might say, "Does it make you feel good to say mean things to me in front of other people?" and comments of that ilk. That way the bullying behavior would be on record and Monica could stand tall and walk away, knowing she'd called Katie on her behavior.

Sadly, such insidious nastiness is very common among girls. This is to date the best book I've come across in openly and intelligently dealing with this subject. I highly recommend it to all parents and educators.

I'm 10 years old and I've seen and heard girls be mean to each other just like in the book. When I read the book, it gave me a lot of ideas of what my friends and I could say and do when other kids are mean to us.It's also a good eye opener for people who are bullies. It made me realize that I'm even a bully sometimes.

Unfortunately, relational aggression is not a rare occurrence, and the type of bullying depicted in this story is far too common. Monica is being tormented not physically but "relationally" by her friend Katie. Katie is talking about Monica behind her back and excluding her from activities they used to do together. Monica begins to feel socially isolated and begins to wonder if there is something wrong with her. Fortunately, she finds the support she needs from her mother who helps her develop some coping tools for dealing with Katie. There is a valuable note to parents and teachers at the end of the book as well as some discussion questions which will facilitate some great discussions both in the home and in the classroom. Highly Recommended!

This subtle type of bullying is probably more universal--and definitely more insidious--than the kind we usually think of. I've never seen it addressed so explicitly before, and that alone is indispensable in helping kids to recognize what's happening to them and getting a grip on what to do about it. The subtle torture girls inflict on other girls can be extremely debilitating and damaging, not only at the time, but for the rest of their lives. Trudy Ludwig has created a beautiful book and done an extremely valuable service. I wish every girl could read it.

I bought this book when my 9 yr old daughter was experiencing this exact type of bullying. She was miserable and I had no clear "fix" for the problem. I bought this book in desperation and asked her teacher to read it to the class without letting them know who gave her the book. She read it and followed it with a discussion regarding bullying. The bullying has stopped!! I don't know if the bully saw herself in this book or was afraid she would be punished, but the results were the same. Thanks for such a necessary book!!

As a bullying prevention educator, I am always looking for childrens' books about bullying that show bullies' behavior clearly, that affirm targets' feelings, and that present helpful solutions. Reading this book to young people and discussing the issues it brings up has been a hit with young people aged 7-12 in many different schools, with teachers, parents, and children describing it as the high point of my workshop. The students at the school where I work continue to refer to this book as they talk about friendship issues. My Secret Bully captures the truth of relational bullying- bullying within friendships. It helps young people see how they expose themselves to further pain by staying in friendships with people who hurt them, and how they can get out of those friendships. The clear writing and attractive illustrations help young people connect with the characters and the story. A useful discussion guide at the end of the book helps adults talk with children about destructive friendships. Highly recommended for parents, teachers, youth group leaders, and all who work with children.
Stan Davis
...

This wonderful story is accompanied by beautiful watercolor illustrations to create a tone of understanding while dealing with a topic as unsettling as bullying; more specifically, relational aggression. In this book, a girl is being secretly manipulated by her best friend, a situation so common these days. What is uncommon, and sets this book apart from others on the topic, is that the girl confides in her mother, and together, they develop a solution. It not only demonstrates how adults can indeed help in situations like this, but it also reminds targets of devastating peer aggression that they do not deserve this treatment, and they do not need to tolerate it. Additionally, the book provides talking points and resources, so it is a wonderful tool to initiate conversations about peer aggression and seek solutions.

I so enjoyed reading "My Secret Bully" with my son, a first grader. The emotionally charged content of the book prompted wonderful questions and opened the door for discussion of a very confusing, and often very painful, subject. As an involved parent in my son's school, and a member of the Board of Trustees of our local library, I will make every effort to have this wonderful, thought-provoking teaching tool available to our community's children.

Excellent read! Two thumbs up! My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig is a must-have for any parent whose child has been bullied by a peer.

When Monica's good friend Katie starts excluding her and begins whispering behind her back, Monica is faced with a painful situation. She and Katie used to be good friends but now, for some unknown reason, Katie's turned their friendship upside down and is choosing to purposefully hurt Monica through avoidance, teasing and ridicule. Why? Monica doesn't know and the exclusion is causing her to have stomachaches.

It isn't until Monica confides in her mother about the situation with Katie, that Monica is taught an important lesson: Friends don't hurt friends.

Through role-playing with her Mom, Monica learns to take proactive steps, such as using humor, to help diffuse Katie's bullying. Monica learns that her mother is always there to protect her and to share constructive advice when handling Katie's bully tactics. Most importantly, Monica learns that Katie's behavior is not her fault and she does not need to accept the poor treatment from her so-called friend.

As parents and teachers we can use My Secret Bully as a tool to talk to our children and students about the issue of bullying and address positive ways to diffuse the aggression.

As adults it is important that we step alongside the children in our lives, protecting them from bullies, and teaching them how to be good friends to one another while creating a more compassionate, kindhearted world to live in.

Armchair Interviews says: Highly recommended for parents to read with their children.

This is a great book for discussing bullying and relational aggression with elementary school students. Reading it with large and small groups of kids has opened the door to great discussions about friendship, personal boundaries, and strategies to cope with all forms of bullying. "My Secret Bully" is one of a very few children's books that addresses the issue of relational aggression between young friends. I recommend it for parents, educators, and counselors of children and pre-teens.