Customer Reviews

My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

For years, I used erotica books as surrogate fantasy material, believing that I was incapable of fantasizing during sex, that I had no fantasies of my own and had to use other people's. Reading "My Secret Garden" changed my perception of myself drastically. Those horrid, disturbing thoughts that floated into my brain, that I would shove down quickly as "sick," were indeed fantasies. The brave women who contributed their fantasies and feelings showed me that even if what I was drawn to was "sick," it certainly wasn't uncommon.

I am especially grateful to the women who commented on making the decision to share, or not share, their fantasies with their lovers. This was crucial for me. At a time when my thoughts were to be confessed on demand, I deprived my lover by depriving myself: those weren't fantasies, they were just random weird thoughts that made me uncomfortable. However, after getting out of a bad relationship and realizing that my mind was my own toy, I realized that I could explore those thoughts without fear of exposure to anyone but myself.

One I allowed myself my own secret garden, I found that I could share with myself and my current lovers in a way that previous ones had tried to coerce out of me. Living well is indeed the best revenge, and I thank Nancy Friday for her subversive assistence.

There are sections and chapters. Here's a listing of the section headings:

Introduction: Twenty-Five Years in the Garden

1. "Tell Me What You Are Thinking About," He Said

2. "Why Fantasize When You Have Me?"

3. The House of Fantasy

4. "Where Did A Nice Girl Like You Get An Idea Like That?"

5. Guilt and Fantasy, Or, "Why The Fig Leaf?"

6. Fantasy Accepted

7. Quickies

Afterword: "In Defense of Nancy Friday" by Martin Shepard, M.D., psychiatrist

Along with fantasies submitted via taped interview and by mail, Friday includes her own analysis of the history of women's erotic nature, the era at the time of initial publication and the fantasies themselves. There's no bibliography and no footnotes; she mostly refers to any sources in her text itself. She's a good writer, whether I agree with her at each chapter or not.

Written letters are kept in the style in which they were sent. Some of the women are amazingly articulate. Some of the letters are a painful read from a literary standpoint. But I think that enforces the idea that all of the submissions are genuine.

People who are interested in this book simply as another erotica compilation may well be disappointed. This is an academic study of women's fantasies, and not a "best of" compilation. If anything, it's a compilation of what Friday observed to be most representative of her times. And a quarter of a century after its initial publication, it changed my life.

I first read this book on the shelves of my public library when I was still a teenager, and I'll NEVER forget that first rush. WOW - someone else actually has these ideas going through their head?!

Mind you, that was 10 years ago. I've re-purchased the book many times over, because I keep on losing it or giving it away. This book is a fantastic combination of the psychology behind women's sexual fantasies and the actual fantasies themselves. I'll be honest - I haven't masturbated to these fantasies in years.. although I did constantly when I was still a teen.

This book opened my eyes up to the 'taboo' of sexual fantasy, and helped me understand at a crucial time in my life that fantasy is healthy and a necessary part of anyone's life. I no longer have ANY sexual taboos.. and it's mostly because of this book.

"This first of Nancy's books of womens sexual fantasies was a landmark in liberating women from the sexual dark-ages.Despite its age it can still get the pulse racing and opens your eyes to things never dreamt of before.It also provides a fascinating insight into 70s womens fantasies.

I first read this book 25 years ago. It was the "Hottest" thing I had ever ever read. I was a mother of two young children. It was nice to know that other women had fantasies and that they were just plain fun and nothing to be ashamed of. I am 25 years past my shyness now but am glad to know the book is still in print.

This book was a brazen attempt (in it's era )to liberate Women to realize that their sexual fantasies are okay. If more women and men would read this book, perhaps it could help to alleviate some of the sexual tension between our sexes.Then we could get on with the communication issue, that we all need so much.

Nancy Friday asked women around the world, to send in their sexual fantasies and experiences. What she got even shocked her. Some of, if not THE most provocative fantasies and experiences ever published. I have owned(notice I said "have owned") a couple of copies of this extraordinary book. But each time I bought one, someone would want to "see it", and I would never get it back. Like Forbidden Flowers (a similar publication by Nancy Friday), anytime someone seen me reading a copy, they'd want to read a page. Only thing is, I never had anyone who could only read one page. They would be so captivated by its contents, they'd read more and more. I've had as many as 5 women at a time, come up to me and inquire as to what I was reading, then ask to let them "read a page". As they read, mouths dropped open, eyes would widen, faces would turn flush, and giggles galore would occur. It's amazing how a book can make women in their 20's 30's 40's and 50's act.
This is in no way like one of those "letters" books you've heard about in porno shops. Those letter books are not even in the same league!!! And its not a book with a bunch of 4 letter words in it to help sales, though there are a very few of them in it. No, it's what, and how it's said that makes this one risque' to say the least. Millions have been printed, and millions have sold. It's been a few years since I owned a copy of this book, and for various reasons. But I love to write reviews for Amazon, and since it is a book I've read several times through (grin), I felt I should write about it.
Getting back to the book, be prepared to be shocked. It is totally uncensored, and includes Nancy's own research into human relations. If you desire to find out if other people have had similar fantasies and experiences that you've had. If you seek to learn about research done on the topic of sexual fantasies, you'll want to read My Secret Garden, and Forbidden Flowers.

...ok, I simply have to say a few words about this book. I was a repressed teen. Had fantasies but felt shameful, dirty, weird. I don't even recall how it was that I found myself in a bookstore thumbing through this book, but I felt SO aroused and...more to the point, LIBERATED..and validated. I wasn't alone in my "weird" fantasies! . I left the store with red ears and a throbbing pulse. Took me many weeks ( maybe it even was months..I don't really remember now, as it was a lot of years ago!) to go back and shame-facedly purchase the book. I won't go into detail here, but suffice it to say, certain pages were dog eared..for many years. ( other pages were never even looked at twice) That one book was the key that opened me up to being a very sexually open and expressive woman. Bravo. Lisa in CT

This book is still breaking ground 20-something years later and the stories of arousal and passion go far beyond what you think could happen in real life, except alot of them are true,,,, And they are having WAY more fun than you.... I Highly RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO ANYTONE EXPLORING THEIR SEXUALITY. THS IS YOUR CHANCE TO KNOW THAT WAHT EVER IS IN YOUR MIND IS IN OTHERES MINDS AS WELL

This book puts a spotlight on one of the "mental prisons" in which so many women (and men, also) spend their lives. Friday shows us the secret and denied fantasies that a few couragious women were bold enough to share with the world.

When I first bought My Secret Garden, I was expecting to read some hot steamy erotica. And this is book is not exactly erotica. It's more of the lines of educational research, but in my opinion no longer relevant because this book was written in the 1970's and was a taboo shocker when it came out. I'm writing this review in 2004 and nearly 30 years later we've pretty much know everything by now and I certainally was not shocked when I read it.

But I think My Secret Garden is very sincere and honest. Nancy Friday is obviously a very intelligent person, though she tends to blab on and on and really doesn't get to the point, I lose interest in what she is saying. The women write about what turns them on or about past sexual experiences, but rarely get into explicit detail about their fantasies, which I was expecting.

My Secret Garden is a good book if you want to learn more about women and their different concepts of fantasies, but if you're looking forward to reading detailed erotica, I'd look elsewhere.