Customer Reviews

My Three Sons: The Birth of a New Family

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My Three Sons -The Birth of a New Family is in many ways a portrait of a modern family unit. Two gay men choose to adopt -and raise as their own -three brothers that may otherwise have been separated or destined to tumultuous foster care. The recounting of the early days of this `instant family' is both heart-achingly poignant as well laugh-out-loud funny. I think this book will offer great moral support to other adoptive parents, gay and straight - and to those considering adoption. There is a great need for people willing to adopt locally rather than overseas-and to accept older kids. With almost startling honestly the author shares the fears and insecurities one faces when deciding to take on this responsibility. And with equal candor we get to share the powerful, moving moments of love and joy that come with all parenting--with echoes of lessons and fears passed on from generation to generation. So My Three Sons, as it turns out, is not simply an endorsement of a `non-traditional' family structure. It is a testament to the universal nature of life's lessons, of being a member of any family and of loving and raising a child. It's a beautiful reminder of how much alike we all are.

The three boys on the cover of this volume, ages about fifteen, eleven, and six, seem to be jumping for joy. And they have good reason! Siblings,they have been taken from their mother, a serious drug addict unable to take of them, by the court, placed sporadically into the less-than-ideal foster system, and then, finally, adopted--all three together--by a couple: two gay men. The book, which covers a period of three years, is the story of how the five of them transformed into a loving, stable, tight-knit family. Written by John Sonego, a consultant and professional fundraiser (among other things), this story has unique aspects, of course--three siblings adopted together, gay adopter parents as starters. Yet the problems these individuals face are much the same as those addressed within any family, blood-related, blended, merged, extended, adoptive or whatever: setting limits, sibling rivalry, private time and space for the parents, mealtime behavior, monitoring and limiting Internet access, personal hygiene, help with homework, chores, determining consequences for bad behavior, and that plethora of experiences every family passes through as children mature.
And this three-year journey also marks a tremendous growth for both parents. The author, for example, a self-admitted perfectionist and classic A-type personality, has learned more patience, more acceptance of others' shortcomings, especially his own, more flexibility, and more control of justified anger in tense situations, among others.
The book contains numerous humorous moments that evoke smiles as well as belly-laughs; for example, the exchange between the prospective parents awed at the spectacle of the exuberant boys wildly playing football; it roughly runs as follows: Do you know how to play football? Reply: No . . . maybe we can hire someone to teach us! There are many occasions for family joy, such as resplendent holiday meal (the author, it appears, is also a gifted cook), birthday parties and gifts, play dates, sleepovers, vacations, and travel, such as to a château in the Loire Valley and to Paris. And there is poignancy here as well, which more than once made this reader take a quick, deep breath so as to hold back (. . . I admit it! . . .) the welling up of tears, as when the family, especially the parents, deal with the suicide of a larger-than-life, much-loving, much-loved friend and honorary uncle who dined with the family each week, and its harrowing aftermath.
This is a great read for everyone, an elegantly written, thoughtful, thought-provoking, heart-warming meditation on what is means to be a family, and how these five men have gotten there.
Two suggestions to the author: (1) If he has not done so already, hire an agent IMMEDIATELY for the screenplay; and (2) Prepare to write a follow-up in seven years (or less), like Michael Apted's Seven-Up series, which has traced the lives of a group of British children from age seven onward, every seven years.
I anxiously await both the film and the next book!

Carlo Coppola, M.A., N.C.C.
Marriage & Family Counselor