Customer Reviews

The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection - The Essentials (Manos, the Hands of Fate / Santa Claus Conquers the Martians)

5 star:		(47)
4 star:		(16)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

This is an inexpensive, truly essential set from Rhino. I know that "Manos" has been released before, but it is, after all, the number one requested MST of all time, and for good reason.

By now almost everyone knows that "Manos" is one of the worst movies ever made, appropriately by fertilizer salesman (really) Harold P. Warren. (Is he perhaps a distant relative of "Batwoman" director Jerry Warren?) The film is a tale of a family caught in the snare of pure evil, symbolized largely by Torgo, a caretaker with big knees. ("Uh, that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.") Everything about this movie is the worst in class; those people who believe that Ed Wood is the worst director of all time have clearly never seen "Manos." As if "Manos" weren't enough, the same episode features an otherworldly short ("Hired, Part Two") featuring a man on a porch in a rocking chair swatting at flies, and demonstrating that it is possible to look demonically possessed with a handkerchief on your head. ("Ah! Flying elves are back!") This is truly a wonderful short. Also on the disc is a reel of outtakes ("poopie") which range from amusing to hilarious. For my money the best of the bunch is the attempted "Torgo's Pizza" sketch. ("Let me just get your complimentary crazy bread." "No!") I would guess that I have seen "Manos" probably thirty-plus times over the years, and it still endures as the pinnacle of MST3K as a concept.

The real treat in the set is "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," an early Comedy Central episode, and one of the greatest of all time. The film stars nobody, but does mark the screen debut of Pia Zadora as Girmar ("Girl Martian," get it?) in what may be her most convincing role to date. The concept is awful, the costumes, acting, sets, and cold war, extraterrestrial Santa kidnapping plot must be seen to be believed. I am particularly fond of the comic relief provided by Droppo, the laziest man on Mars. Also prominently featured is the most inane theme song in movie history, composed by no other than Milton DeLugg. Who is Milton DeLugg? You might know him better as Chuck Barris' bandleader from "The Gong Show" (and you will definitely want to gong the theme song). This one really hurts, but in a good way.

There has been some disagreement in the reviews, but my set did come with the bonus DVD, "Shorts Volume Three," and even though I have seen them all before, they don't disappoint. My favorite of all is the unreal "Once Upon a Honeymoon," which features some of the world's worst musical production numbers, featuring rhythmic telephone dialing. This disc is a wonderful bonus, and I am delighted to have all these shorts together in one place.

For the price, this set can't be beat for a diehard MSTie, or someone new to the show who wants to start out with two of the best episodes of all time. This set is highly recommended.

It's about time that there was a release of one of the classic MST3K holiday experiments, just in time for the season. 'Manos' is the definitive example of an MST experiment - goofy, meandering movie with cutting riffs. The 'Poopie' outtake collection is a longer-than-normal selection of bloopers and alternate takes - a must have for any MSTie.

But the real treat of this dual set is "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians". If you're tired of normal holiday fare such as "Home Alone", "A Christmas Story", and "It's a Wonderful Life" place this disk in the player and watch your kids' squeal with delight. "Santa Claus" is a bizarre tale about pathos and depression - among Martians! It seems the only way to cure the holiday blues on Mars is to stage a spectacular kidnapping of the Earthling Santa Claus. Four children (two from Earth and two from Mars) join forces with Dropo, a renegade Martian to rescue Santa, save Christmas on Earth, and bring holiday joy to the Children of Mars. The plot makes sense with the electric performance of a young Miss Pia Zadora. Ok, well maybe not.

Sounds interesting, yes? No? Well, it's a truly awful film, a definite jaw-dropping example of bad cinema. Fortunately, the MST3K treatment is hilarious. Joel and the 'Bots even give us the classic Christmas standard, "A Patrick Swayze Christmas".

I'm chucking my "Charlie Brown Christmas" and "Rudolph's Shiny New Year" in favor of this twisted classic.

Recommended.

One of the reasons that MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 was such an entertaining and interesting show was that it illustrated a staggeringly large variety of bad filmmaking. You'd be amazed at how many things it is possible to mess up. There are the obvious things, of course: bad acting; illogical, incomprehensible scripts; cheesy dialog; woeful special effects. The list goes on. But there are many little things that can go sour too: obvious day-for-night shooting, inaudible sound recording, etc. And, yet, with the literally limitless amount of mistakes that can be made, most of the films aired on MST3k fell in to one of two main categories of terrible movies: the films that were so laughably bad they became entertaining in their own right (so bad they're good), and those films that were bad because they were so unbelievably boring, slow and listless (so bad they're painful). This "Essentials" collection features one of each kind, and each is represented by, perhaps, the most outrageous offender of this kind of bad film.

First up is the "so bad it's good" film: SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS. At the time I'm writing these words, the Christmas season is well upon us and it becomes childishly simple to name literally dozens of great, classic Christmas movies. They're broadcast continuously on the airwaves starting from the end of Thanksgiving, so it's easy to forget that making your film a story about Christmas is not a guarantee of success. SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS is one of the goofiest movies ever made (and you only have to look at the title to figure out that one). The plot involves a kidnapping attempt on one Mr. Kringle (no, not the annoying dork from the Best Buy ads) by a group of -- you guessed it -- Martians. Yes, it is a kids' movie and, yes, kids' movies often don't stick to the rigid doctrine of logical coherence, but this is mad stuff by anyone's standards. Look for a young Pia Zadora for additional amusement. This is entertaining.

And as entertaining as SANTA is, MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE is anything but. MANOS is arguably the most famous episode of the show and is something that every fan of the series needs to endure. And note that I stated "fan" there. This is certainly not a film for people new to the genre of bad filmmaking. It's bad. Really bad. Bad in the worst way, really -- it's incredibly, unbelievably, undeniably boring. You may think you've seen bad movies before, but this one is rough to get through. If you're up for a challenge, go for this.

These are truly the essential episodes of MST3k. SANTA is funny enough in its own ineptitude, so the mocking comments of the cast are purely a much-welcomed bonus. And MANOS is painful enough in its own right that the heckling is a much-needed distraction from the pure misery. This is a great introduction to the series as it's terribly representative of both extremes. If you want to know what MST3k is all about, then this is a good place to start.

(As an aside, I heard Michael J. Nelson doing a promotional interview on a local rock station a few months back and he still seems amused by the fact that "Manos: The Hands of Fate" literally means "Hands: The Hands of Fate". As, as I must say, am I.)

Just to let you know, some time ago Rhino polled its fans on which episodes they would most like to see released on DVD. The results of this (and a similar VHS poll) can be found somewhere on mst3kinfo.com.

Anyway, Manos was far and away #1 in this poll, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was #2. That's likely why those two episodes were chosen for the set.

Actually, you guys should be VERY thankful...SCCTM just barely beat out Mitchell for the #2 spot, by a scant 6 votes. That, of course, would've resulted in this whole set being stuff that's already been released...so we're pretty lucky that at least something new came out of this.

As for the episodes themselves, what can I say? Both deserve their reputations as classics IMO.

This is a two-disc set with Manos: The Hands of Fate and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, two of the ALL-TIME funniest MST3K episodes. The Manos disc also has the "Poopie" 30-minute bloopers reel, a great collection of outtakes from the first few seasons of the show.

Manos: The Hands of Fate as a movie is an amazing curiosity it is so bad and so odd. A fertilizer salesman in Texas decided he wanted to write, direct and star in a scary movie and this is the result. It's scary alright! Wait till you see "Torgo" and the glorious inaction of this film. The staff at MST3K often named this film as the worst thing they ever had to watch while making the show. It is legendary among MST3K fans ('MSTies') because the movie is just so, so bad, but the jokes are so, so funny in spite of it. A real oddity and very funny stuff from the MST3K crew. There is also a short in this episode called, "Hired", an old corporate training film about teaching men to sell cars door-to-door; an interesting bit of history and very funny when Joel and the 'Bots get done with it.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a grade-Z kids movie from the 1960's and it has just about the absolute goofiest costumes, acting and music of any film ever. The much less than great Pia Zadora is one of the kids in the film. However, the MST3K crew really wrote some of their best material making fun of this one. Wait till you hear Crow's Christmas Carol, "A Patrick Swayze Christmas." This is must-see comedy for anyone who likes a good laugh.

Calling this set "Essentials" is not a misnomer, these are truly some terrific episodes of the funniest television show ever. Movie Sign!

This DVD collection is truly essential for all fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000. "MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE" is unquestionably one of the worst things ever filmed. (I hesitate to call it a movie.) Even Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank apologize to Joel and the 'Bots for forcing them to watch this. The first 15 minutes or so consists of nothing more than footage of a car driving out in the countryside. Fortunately, Joel and the 'Bots provide hilarious commentary during the long periods when no dialog is spoken. Torgo, the caretaker with a severe case of water on the knees, is a far more interesting character than his evil master. The scene of the master's six wives wrestling in their nightgowns is, as Tom Servo and Crow point out, probably the only reason this film was made.

"POOPIE!: THE OFFICIAL OUTTAKES REEL" is included as a bonus feature. I must commend Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo for valor above and beyond the call of duty. Crow's head catches fire, Tom's head falls off and, troopers that they are, they continue speaking their lines without missing a beat. Joel spaces out, Mike cracks up, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank blow their lines and break up laughing, yet Crow and Tom Servo never even crack a smile. Thirty minutes is the perfect length for viewing this, before the bloopers get too repetitive.

"SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS" immediately became my favorite Christmas movie after viewing the MST3K version of it. The children of Mars are depressed because they are watching television transmissions from Earth about Santa Claus, while they don't celebrate Christmas on Mars. One of the Martian children is played by Pia Zadora who, come to think of it, has a Martian sounding name! Rather than create their own holiday, the Martians decide to come to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus. Santa eventually wins over the Martians and is returned to earth unharmed, which is more than I can say for anyone who watches this movie. The host segments are among the best, especially when Joel and the 'Bots sing "Let's Have A Patrick Swayze Christmas," with lyrics by future MST3K host Mike Nelson.

"Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.
And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing.
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my bar.
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you touch my car!
I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.
I think that right jolly old elf better make out his will!
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them all!"

Yes, "Manos" has already been released on DVD. And if you already own that celluloid disaster, you have to decide whether "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is worth the duplication.

Stop right there: It is.

The third season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 was one of the program's best. But it's one of the least represented on Rhino's video and DVD releases. The crew spent most of 1991 watching the films of Sandy Frank and Roger Corman, and both men were enraged by the show's treatment of their movies. When the rights to the films expired in the mid-90s, Frank, reportedly angered by the "Sandy Frank" song in one episode, refused to renew them, and a large swath of MST3K disappeared from sight. Only three third season movies are still in circulation: The classics "Cave Dwellers" and "Pod People," and the solid "The Unearthly" from later in the season. ("Attack of the Colossal Beast" was briefly on video in 1996, but withdrawn because of rights issues.)

That means that many of MST's best moments have been unavailable, and what a joy it is to have "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" back. This high energy travesty, made in 1964, is a bizarre mash of holiday cheer and science fiction, as poorly-costumed aliens kidnap St. Nicholas to bring cheer to Martian children. The premise is strange, the sets are cheap, and the actors bluster like a sandstorm on the red planet. It's a camp classic.

The MST3K treatment is terrific. Joel, Tom and Crow all come through, with brilliant commentary ("Santa Claus: Killed in Vietnam") and the memorable "A Patrick Swayze Christmas." Any Christmas song with a threat to "break your kneecaps if you . . . . touch my car" deserves a spot in the canon.

There's not much more to say about "Manos," save that it proves there are far, far worse things than an Ed Wood production. "Manos" may not be the worst film ever done by Mystery Science Theater 3000 -- the incomprehensible "Monster A-Go-Go," not released on video, is almost unwatchable -- but it certainly belongs in that discussion. "Hired! Part 2", the short preceding it, is achingly funny, a wonderful send-up of a 1940 Chevrolet training film. The opening scenes with the grandfather on the porch ("Ah! Flying elves are back!") rank with the show's best moments.

If you already own "Manos," buy this set. You'll get a third-season classic, and you can put your extra "Manos" up for auction somewhere. MST fans will enjoy a bounty this fall: a collection due in October will give us the great "Mr. B Natural" short. Enjoy it all.

Although is this a great way to see the best "worst" movies, I was expecting the 3rd DVD, "Shorts" to come with this set (it is called "Essentials" after all). However, "Shorts" does NOT come with this DVD- like another reviewer said, that DVD is only available through Rhino... and as of today, Rhino is out of this title. On the other hand, you do get the excellent "Manos: The Hand of Fate" and "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"- two of the worst movies of all time... and at a cheaper price than if you purchased at Rhino.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is wrong is so many ways it can't help but make your Holiday a little more cheerful. At least you're not in the movie. And the host segments are some of the best. It really touched me. Right here...er...I mean here.
And we all know Manos : The Hands of Fate. For two reasons, most of us are MST3K fans and because it has already been on tape. Both it and Hired: Part II, came out on VHS years ago, along with the Blooper Reel which is just the bloopers and out-takes from Pooopie (Volume 1). Yes, Manos, is bad, really, really bad, but why waste the space on this DVD with a repeater? Why not a fresh MST3K episode not yet released. Another episode related to Santa, like Santa Claus - Show 521, or one related to Mars, like Rocketship X-M - Show 201? I had to take away a star.
"It's a bug hunt, man, a bug hunt!"

This DVD is probably worth the price just for the "bloopers" (or poopie as MST3Kers call it). It contains one of the worst movies ever made, "The Hands of Manos" which is justifiably torn to pieces by Joel and the bots. The other film, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is an episode I had not previously seen so I was happy to add it to my collection. If you are an MST3K fan then you will enjoy this collection. If you are not, then you probably don't enjoy any of the MST3K episodes. This one is worth having and at a reasonable price.

I would really like to see Rhino (or someone) release full seasons of MST3K, at a reasonable price. This is really a very funny show and unfortunately I wasn't aware of it until its last few years on the sci-fi channel. I am really thankful that many of the older episodes are out on either DVD or tape. I just hope to see more released.