Customer Reviews

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - The Hellcats [VHS]

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is an earlier episode of MST3K (Season Two), but it is very funny primarily because the movie THE HELLCATS is so bad. The plot is not decipherable, but it involves Ross Hagen (yes, he plays Rommel in THE SIDEHACKERS) trying to avenge his brother's death. He does this by joining a drunken sex orgy held by this group called the Hellcats. This is where the plot stops, and MST3K takes over. I especially liked the song "Mass Confusion," which Crow says "describes the plot." This latest Rhino release is top-notch; however, whoever was in charge of writing the synopsis on the back of the boxcover does not know the difference between Joel and Mike. Joel is the host in this episode but the summary says it is Mike about two or three times. Also, on the front cover, the folks at Rhino failed to edit the cast of The Hellcats, instead using the cast from BLOODLUST! Despite these minor mistakes, the final result is a high-quality tape of a classic television show, Mystery Science Theater 3000. Definitely recommended.

Until I discovered MST3K I'd never even seen a "B" movie "biker" picture, but the writers and cast of MST3K always seem to be at their best when making fun of these low-budget stories about sociopaths and societal drop-outs. I was overjoyed when I found out that Hellcats would be offered on DVD as this and the other season 2 gem, "Wild Rebels" are to me among the very best MST3K episodes ever. The stupidity of the characters and dialogue is funny all on its own, but the cast of MST3K raise the humor level many notches and never let up on the poor direction, acting or plot for a second. They even manage to make the music in this film fun and you'll be humming "the bike song" after the closing credits.

One cinematic footnote regards a misidentification I believe of the film's director, Bob Slatzer, who is actually the stockier fellow of the two main "gangsters" and not the thinner one pointed out by Joel and the 'Bots during the picture. I discovered this when I saw Bob Slatzer interviewed in a documentary about Marilyn Monroe. But, this minor error does nothing to diminish the quality and quantity of the humor in this episode, which is so dense with jokes that you'll catch something new each time you watch it. Buy this now!

Hellcats begins promisingly enough, with a catchy little theme song ("Heeeellll-cats! Heeeellll-cats!") that you will not be able to dislodge from your brain for days. It's perky and happy in exactly the way that the movie is not. Then the movie descends into extended periods of boredom punctuated by stupid biker tricks. As another reviewer noted, everything in this movie is padding.

This is one of those movies that would be intolerable were it not for the MST3K treatment. You get to see unattractive people spray beer on each other, make out, ride motorcycles, and engage in dubious feats of strength, although I fear this description makes the movie sound much more entertaining than it actually is.

As for the "plot", Ross Hagen shows up in the US on leave from Vietnam, hangs out with bikers and his dead brother's fiance in some kind of attempt to do something undercover, something happens with the biker gang, and then he goes back to Vietnam. The end. Was it some kind of social commentary, equating the bikers with the Viet Cong? And if so, were they both supposed to be bad guys, or just misunderstood good guys? Was it a failed attempt at a girl-gang film a la the far more entertaining (and non-MST3K) "Switchblade Sisters"? With the truly awful script, direction, lighting and sound, who can tell?

While I wouldn't pass up this DVD altogether, I would acquire the MST3K version of "Sidehackers" first. It's a far more entertaining and bizarre motorcycle movie, with Michael Pataki taking it totally over the top, and Ross Hagen as the hero yet again, in case you can't get enough Ross Hagen. I really hope these two films don't represent the peak of that guy's career.

Ah, the 'other' Ross Hagen motorcycle movie. Reading his bio on IMDb it says at one time he ran an acting school...oh bruther! Well, while Hellcats was certainly prime for the Mystie treatment, a better one to watch is Sidehackers, another Ross Hagen/motorcycle epic.

Ross is a some sort of law enforcement agent who goes undercover to infiltrate a goofy biker gang after his brother is killed. For some strange reason, Ross teams up with his murdered brothers' girlfriend to achieve this. I will admit that after awhile, I just stopped trying to figure out what was going on in the movie, and just focused on the humor provided by Joel and the 'bots. I did notice a lot of dancing (cough, cough), beer swilling, and general activities you would associate with a psuedo 60's hippie biker gang. Probably the funniest part in the movie for me was when the leader of the biker gang is challenged to a race by the leader of another biker gang. We're treated to about five minutes of watching the people watching the race. I mean, we don't even get to see the race, only hear the reving of engines as the riders supposedly race around. I'm not sure why they couldn't have included some footage of the actual race, being that this is a movie that's heavy on the whole motorcycle thing, but whatever...it wouldn't have made the movie any better.

While this isn't my favorite episode, it's still really funny and worth getting if you're a fan. Not a lot of extras on this one except the trailer and the flipside of the disc has the un-mystiefied version of the movie.

I loved this episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 featuring the film, "Hellcats"! "Hellcats" revolves around a biker gang in the sixties as they get drunk, stoned, and beaten up for random reasons. The dance/party sequences are hilarious thanks to the commentary by Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo! I also liked that fact that you could watch the uncut version of the film without the MST3K commentary. It's almost like night and day without Joel and the gang!

I would highly recommend this DVD to any fan of MST3K as well as people would love a good laugh!!!! You won't be disappointed!!!!!

There is no excuse for "The Hellcats" to have ever been made. Not one. There is also no excuse for the casting, the screenplay, the cinematography, the direction, the sound editing, and I'm sure that there would be no excuses offered.

But there is a reason it was made, and it had to do with drive-in theaters. "The Hellcats", I'm sure, was something of an ATM for the producers and the theater owners, the bottom-half of the double-bill (which would have been referred to at my old fave drive-in as "OUR 2ND BIG FEATURE") that would have been out-of-focus, ignored, or forgotten. But the booking fees alone would pay for the production, and by the time anybody noticed that this flick was chock-a-block with contempt for the prospective audience, the cars were pulling in to the stalls, John and Marsha were sipping soda pop and wondering who was going to make the first move, and all the right people would begin re-lining their wallets.

And that's where MST3K comes in, resurrecting this garbage heap, and shining some light on one of the purest examples of how not to ever make a movie. Although the host sequences are flashbacks to previous episodes, they are still funny, and show the real creativity of the writers and performers.

The movie (by itself) is unwatchable. Not only because of its sheer stupidity, and at times, even because of the incompetence in its making.

An example. A rival gang meets up with our heroes (?) and their leaders challenge each other to a race. They take off, and for a good three or four minutes of screen time, we see various shots of the bored-looking gangs, and hear what sounds like low-horsepower engines revving and slowing, revving and slowing, revving and slowing. Then the gang leaders re-appear, race over. As Crow says, "What an exciting race." And when they decide to fight, it's Ross - playing a Vietnam vet - who cools 'em out, saying, "Peace, brothers! No more war!" (To which Joel says, "Hey, look! It's Ross Hagen, the Prince of Peace!")

The gang on the satellite finds fodder everywhere, from the remarkably bad camera work ("FOCUS!" is heard at least four times), the psychedelic parties that look like the least-fun frat mixers ever (although Crow disagrees), to the fact that Ross Hagen is the star (famous from "Sidehackers", his refrain of, "Chili peppers burn my gut," can be heard more than once).

My favorite scene? Towards the end, Ross is caught, beaten up and tied to a table. Well, more correctly, his knees are tied to a table. To which Crow says, "Those guys have a lot to learn about tying people to furniture."

There is a feeling hanging over the non-MSTied movie that a whole lot of people got tricked into doing this over a long summer weekend, and when they realized what had happened, they still didn't care. This movie hates the audience, and it says so, over and over. The SOL says it right back.

This is without a doubt one of the worst movies ever forced upon the inhabitants of the SOL. It concerns a guy getting revenge on the gangsters who killed his brother. He does this by joining a outlaw motorcycle gang, where drugs and alcohol are the staples of life. Joel and the 'bots rip this movie to shreds, among the oddities of this film are: an exciting off-camera motorcycle race, endless scenes of people riding motorcyles and an odd fight scene near the end. It is a perfect antidote for a bad day.

Not to be confused (unfortunately) with the 1957 Ronald Reagan-Nancy Davis movie 'Hellcats of the Navy,' this episode reunites many of the actors who brought us another Season Two MST epic, 'Sidehackers,' which is also on Rhino video. Like 'Sidehackers,' 'Hellcats' is an unpleasant film about drugs, murder, biker gangs, and the basically good kids who get caught up in all that stuff.

The riffing on this film is pretty good, and captures the playfulness and exuberance that especially characterized the early seasons. The host segments are a little lame, in that they're largely flashbacks to other episodes (this episode came about three-fourths of the way through the second season, so there's not even that much to flash back *to* yet). On the other hand, none of the episodes in which these segments originally appeared have been released on video (yet?), so from that standpoint I suppose it's nice to see them here. But they're not as topical as they often are in other episodes.

Still, I love MST's early years even more than I love the later years, and encourage all fans to stock up on Season Two episodes whenever possible.

I'm not sure where and how the most dangerous radioactive material in the world is secured, but The Hellcats should be stored in the same place, as far removed from mankind as possible. The evidence indicates that the movie is supposed to be a video of people endlessly riding bikes out in the middle of nowhere, but at the last minute someone decided to insert a few moments of a largely incomprehensible plot into the final product. Even writer Mike Nelson later admitted that this is a movie that should never have been subjected to the MST3K treatment, but fortunately Joel and the Bots manage to extract some real humor out of this monstrosity of moviemaking. Here's the story (or what might be the story if it actually existed): The Hellcats is a group of skanky young hippie types who spend their lives getting stoned, getting drunk, overdosing, riding motorcycles, and engaging in free-spirited, unhygienic parties--oh, they also run drugs from Mexico for a big boss man (who is played by the man who perfected the art of reading his lines just as if he were indeed reading them). Two cops are out to bust Mr. Big, and one of them gets knocked off when he starts to get too close. The dead cop's fiancée and brother team up and go undercover in an effort to nail the bad guys. Much drinking, carousing, biker hijinks, bad dancing to utterly horrible music, and unintelligible mumbling follow.

Somehow, Joel and the Bots make what would be an otherwise horrifying situation bearable with liberal doses of comedy. This is fortunate indeed because the skits on the Satellite of Love consist largely of flashbacks to previous skits (the reason for this is that the whole staff went to New York for a meeting with representatives of the Comedy Channel at the time this episode was being filmed). If you are looking for commercially released MST3K shows, I would place this one close to the bottom of your list unless you are determined to purchase the videos in order of original air date. The most important thing is that you do not, under any circumstances, watch the original The Hellcats movie by itself, for only Joel and the Bots can see you through this one safely.

I must say a word about the summary available on the back of the video. I have no idea how this happens and is not caught, but the summary says that Mike Nelson rather than Joel Hodgson is our human commentator. This is the ninth experiment of Season Two, and Mike Nelson was a full three years away from replacing Joel on the show.

With this movie, the plot is over and done with before the credits are over . . . but thank God for the three wisacres in space.I mean really, this guy in the military learns that his brother was killed while having this . . . um . . . "picnic" with a girl, so in order to find out who killed him, he joins this motorcycle gang where they openly do drugs, drink booze in strange ways (at least we HOPE it's booze) and at the highlight of the movie have this weird stunt where they pull the guy at the arms and feet with these two tractors.After hours of boozing and this cool race (that we can't see, but I'm sure it was a good one) between these guys they get back to the plot for the last fifteen minutes of the movie and everybody follows this one girl in a ten minute long scene where we see every minute of a single file line of people following her one block behind the other to this hide-out where the killer is and there's this big fight on this boat . . ..Of course, this plotless twisted tale becomes great fodder for the guys who toss out one good crack after another.