Customer Reviews

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Sidehackers [VHS]

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

The Sidehackers is the second episode of Season Two of Mystery Science Theater 3000, marking only the second appearance of Kevin Murphy as the voice of Tom Servo and of TV's Frank as Dr. Forrester's sidekick. While it may be a comparatively early show, it feels like vintage MST3K. While it is entertaining and funny, it is by no means a truly spectacular episode, though. Of course, Joel and the Bots didn't have a whole lot to work with in terms of the movie. Ross Hagen is both the star and the producer, and there is a character named Crapout--that's Sidehackers. It is a terrible excuse of a movie; it's depressing, devoid of comedy, cursed with horrible music, and entirely pointless. It starts out with a lot of sidehacking. What is sidehacking? You have a motorcycle with a little sidecar attached to it, only the sidecar is mainly just a platform and a rail. One guy drives, and the sidehacker guy leans and maneuvers to get the motorcycle through the turns with maximum speed. It sounds a little dangerous, doesn't it? I thought so, but there was not one single sidehacking accident in the movie, which I found disappointing. Of course, you can only show guys sidehacking on a little track out in the middle of nowhere for so long, which is why somebody decided to add something resembling a plot to the movie. This guy Rommel (Hagen) is a sidehacker/motorcycle mechanic (who is not new to this "new" sport, however that is possible) who is all set to marry this nice girl Rita. The couple especially enjoys rolling down hills of grass when they are not engaged in the great sport of sidehacking. This weird, hippie-like guy named J.C. brings his bike to Rommel's shop, gets invited to a sidehacking race, loves it (who wouldn't?), and wants Rommel to join his gig riding bikes at fairs. J.C.'s girlfriend takes a shine to Rommel despite the fact that J.C. proves his love to her by slugging her in the gut. When Rommel rather rudely rebuffs this girl's advances, she tells J.C. that Rommel tried to rape her. Did I mention that J.C. has a temper? Even though he talks like Liberace's brother George when he is having one of his episodes, J.C. is a dangerous guy. Let's just say that Rommel's wedding plans are soon scrapped. From this point on, it's all about revenge, fighting, shooting, and (at least for one weird thug character) telling bad jokes badly--sidehacking, sadly, is completely forgotten midway through the film.

Joel and the Bots do have some pretty good material to offer over the inane dialogue of the actual film, and head writer and future host Mike Nelson puts in a great cameo appearance as J.C. from the movie. The guys do a couple of Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin bits--Crow's Dean Martin impersonation is not particularly good, but it never fails to crack me up. There are a plethora of great references to Patton's "I read your book, you magnificent b_____d" quote about a more famous guy named Rommel. They come up with all kinds of cool names for sidehacking maneuvers and even sing a song about this new sport, so sidehacking's demise can't be blamed on them. The Satellite of Love crew, including Gypsy, finish things off with their rendition of the love theme from Sidehackers, "Only Love Pads the Film." Basically, this is your typical MTS3K episode. I wouldn't put it at the top of my list, but it should certainly be on your list somewhere.

"Sidehacking is the thing to do/ and it doesn't hurt tohave a low IQ/ If you like your life and a little luck/ Big grandprize is twenty-five bucks/ Sidehackin' quench yo' danger thirst/ Stupid ones always seem to come in first/ Yeah" --From Joel and the 'Bots 'heavy charts' about their friends, The Sidehackers

This movie is awfulness to the n-th degree, and not only deserved the lashing it gets from the denizens of the SOL, but should be dissected frame by frame by wannabe filmmakers so they can learn how NOT to make an action-packed revenge-driven D-grade picture. For me, the first warning sign was the studio logo at the very beginning: whenever I see 'Crown International Pictures' before a movie, I know enough to change the channel. Low-budget and low-energy, the movie starts at a sidehack race, a strange sort of blend of motocross and, well, two-man bobsledding, I guess, which isn't the worst sporting event I've ever seen dedicated to film. And it's called "The Sidehackers", so you'd probably assume going in that the movie's plot would mostly revolve around...well...sidehack racing, and how dangerous it might be, and how the guys who thought it up were told how crazy they were to try to make this idea fly, right? But no, of course not, that would have made this a potentially interesting or, at least entertaining, movie. Instead the movie is about a guy named Rommel, played by veteran D-grade character actor Ross Hagen (who also produced this labor of love), who's just about to settle down with his lovely fiancee Rita, when he meets up with the mildly psychotic JC (played by Mike Pataki, whose hammy, scenery-chewing, woman-punching performance isn't remotely fun to watch for even one minute), whose ego Rommel almost immediately bruises by refusing to ditch his life and join JC and his roving gang on the road. To make matters worse, Rommel rebuffs the advances of JC's girlfriend, who immediately tells JC that Rommel attacked her. Long story short, an emotionally wounded JC and a few of his boys ambush the couple, beat Rommel up, and murder his poor fiancee. Naturally, this leads Rommel to hire a gang of thugs to help him avenge his girlfriend's death in a final, bloody showdown in one of those standard-issue movie deserts. And somewhere else, others are sidehacking, having a grand old time, but we don't get to see that, of course, because...because...aww, who knows what the filmmakers were thinking. All I know is, it didn't have anything to do with the audience.

While this movie is almost as vile as anything ever filmed, it also is a perfect match for the MST treatment. Between the atrocious nature of the characters, the flat, uninvolving direction, and the sudden shift in tone of the screenplay, this movie deserves to be ripped. Thanks to Joel and the 'Bots, you will laugh long and hard. Special note needs to be made of the shots at the opening sequence, where the picture is incredibly small (Crow: "This is gonna be hard to watch." Joel: "Postage Stamp Theater Presents..."), then expands, making all the bodies look like they've been stretched vertically (Servo: "Filmed in Long-Torso Vision."), while the credits roll. This also allows for one of my favorite running gags, giving Quinn Martin-like episode titles to the movie (Joel: "A Bicycle Built for Death", Crow: "Baby, Can You Drive My Murder", Servo: "These Boots Were Made For Arson"). Even Cambot gets in on the action later in the movie, with a clever parody that sports fans will appreciate. Later, Joel and his robot pals try on Rommel hats (Joel: "We can't be Rommel, but we can try to emulate him and spread the good word about Rommel."), but can't stop thinking about...Rita...(WAAAAAAAH!). Then JC visits the satellite to spout off against Rommel in a laugh-out-loud scene. (Not surprisingly, Mike Nelson's read of the character was better than that of the actor in the movie. See if you don't agree.) And when it's all over but the funerals, Joel cheers everybody up with a twist on the somber love theme from the movie. All in all, a fantastically funny episode. So funny in fact, you'll forget all about the fact that Rita was...brutally...murdered...WAAAAAAAAAH!

Easily one of the best spoofs, finally out on video! Trust me, a great laugh from the begining to the end with twisted humor and stupid hats. Contains one of the funneist lines ever spooken by Joel: "Have you ever seen me this happy?" "Sure, but you did know I was looking". Trust me, it's worth the price for that line alone.

This is one of my favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 (aka MST3K) episodes! Contrary to the listing, this is a JOEL HODGSON episode, from the Second Season of the show. The biker movie featured is completely awful, but the comments from Joel and the 'Bots are dead-on in spoofing this film. If only this was available on DVD, it'll be perfect (hurry up, Rhino!)

Well, I must say that this was probably my least favorite MST3K episode. Not that the riffs or host segments were bad (they are good, and funny), simply because SIDEHACKERS is one of the vilest, most disgusting films I've ever seen (despite it being 'mystied'). Other films like MANOS are laughably gross, but this one just makes one feel dirty. Blech!

"Sidehacking is the thing to do/ and it doesn't hurt to have a low IQ/ If you like your life and a little luck/ Big grand prize is twenty-five bucks/ Sidehackin' quench yo' danger thirst/ Stupid ones always seem to come in first/ Yeah" --From Joel and the 'Bots 'heavy charts' about their friends, The Sidehackers

This movie is awfulness to the n-th degree, and not only deserved the lashing it gets from the denizens of the SOL, but should be dissected frame by frame by wannabe filmmakers so they can learn how NOT to make an action-packed revenge-driven D-grade picture. For me, the first warning sign was the studio logo at the very beginning: whenever I see 'Crown International Pictures' before a movie, I know enough to change the channel. Low-budget and low-energy, the movie starts at a sidehack race, a strange sort of blend of motocross and, well, two-man bobsledding, I guess, which isn't the worst sporting event I've ever seen dedicated to film. And it's called "The Sidehackers", so you'd probably assume going in that the movie's plot would mostly revolve around...well...sidehack racing, and how dangerous it might be, and how the guys who thought it up were told how crazy they were to try to make this idea fly, right? But no, of course not, that would have made this a potentially interesting or, at least entertaining, movie. Instead the movie is about a guy named Rommel, played by veteran D-grade character actor Ross Hagen (who also produced this labor of love), who's just about to settle down with his lovely fiancee Rita, when he meets up with the mildly psychotic JC (played by Mike Pataki, whose hammy, scenery-chewing, woman-punching performance isn't remotely fun to watch for even one minute), whose ego Rommel almost immediately bruises by refusing to ditch his life and join JC and his roving gang on the road. To make matters worse, Rommel rebuffs the advances of JC's girlfriend, who immediately tells JC that Rommel attacked her. Long story short, an emotionally wounded JC and a few of his boys ambush the couple, beat Rommel up, and murder his poor fiancee. Naturally, this leads Rommel to hire a gang of thugs to help him avenge his girlfriend's death in a final, bloody showdown in one of those standard-issue movie deserts. And somewhere else, others are sidehacking, having a grand old time, but we don't get to see that, of course, because...because...aww, who knows what the filmmakers were thinking. All I know is, it didn't have anything to do with the audience.

While this movie is almost as vile as anything ever filmed, it also is a perfect match for the MST treatment. Between the atrocious nature of the characters, the flat, uninvolving direction, and the sudden shift in tone of the screenplay, this movie deserves to be ripped. Thanks to Joel and the 'Bots, you will laugh long and hard. Special note needs to be made of the shots at the opening sequence, where the picture is incredibly small (Crow: "This is gonna be hard to watch." Joel: "Postage Stamp Theater Presents..."), then expands, making all the bodies look like they've been stretched vertically (Servo: "Filmed in Long-Torso Vision."), while the credits roll. This also allows for one of my favorite running gags, giving Quinn Martin-like episode titles to the movie (Joel: "A Bicycle Built for Death", Crow: "Baby, Can You Drive My Murder", Servo: "These Boots Were Made For Arson"). Even Cambot gets in on the action later in the movie, with a clever parody that sports fans will appreciate. Later, Joel and his robot pals try on Rommel hats (Joel: "We can't be Rommel, but we can try to emulate him and spread the good word about Rommel."), but can't stop thinking about...Rita...(WAAAAAAAH!). Then JC visits the satellite to spout off against Rommel in a laugh-out-loud scene. (Not surprisingly, Mike Nelson's read of the character was better than that of the actor in the movie. See if you don't agree.) And when it's all over but the funerals, Joel cheers everybody up with a twist on the somber love theme from the movie. All in all, a fantastically funny episode. So funny in fact, you'll forget all about the fact that Rita was...brutally...murdered...WAAAAAAAAAH!

This is one of MST3K's better shows, even though the last half of the movie forgoes sidehack racing in favor of mindless violence. In one of the host segments, Joel, Tom Servo and Crow do a commentary on the race in the nonstop style of sports commentators. They even make up their own racing terminology, which I'll paraphrase. "He just completed a perfect dipsy doodle with a reverse right leg kick on that last turn." The Sidehack Song sung by Joel is far superior to the wimpy music in the movie itself. That got me to thinking. What if Brian, Carl and Dennis Wilson grew up near a sidehack track instead of the beach? They might have written songs like, Sidehackin' USA, Sidehackin' Safari, Sidewalk Sidehackin' and Sidehacker Girl. Of course, their biggest hit would have been Bad Vibrations. "I'm picking up bad vibrations. My sidehack rig needs alterations. Bad, bad, bad, bad vibrations!"

This is not the best MST by far. It was far to sleazy for me. If you want a good MST go for "Pod People" or "I Accuse My Parents." those I think are the best, not this one

My review title says it all, BUY THIS!

Favorite Riff-Cambot: Cambot Scoreboard: Joel and the 'Bots: 5, Mad Scientists: 0, Boardom: 9, Movie: 1.