Customer Reviews

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Red Zone Cuba [VHS]

5 star:		(46)
4 star:		(12)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Some important people in Hollywood obviously lost some bets; that is the only way I can possibly rationalize the fact that someone let Coleman Francis write, direct, and star in this incredibly lousy movie. Francis lumbers through this movie like a zombie-a very lazy zombie. His penchant for close-ups is probably explained by a desire to show as little of the set as possible. He doesn't even bother about making smooth transitions between scenes; he just cuts each one off and jumps immediately to the next one. Of course, bad movies make for great Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiments, and this is no exception. While Mike and the Bots add a lot of humor to the viewing of Red Zone Cuba, even they are powerless to mute its incredibly boring and bewildering effects on the viewer. When the best part of the movie is John Carradine's singing, you are in trouble. Carradine also apparently lost a large bet; unlike everyone else in this movie, he at least has at least a semblance of a reputation in the industry, and his "guest appearance" is totally unimportant and generally unexplainable.

Here's what might be the plot if Red Zone Cuba had one. Coleman Francis' character has apparently broken out of prison, and he ends up tagging along with two of the most uninteresting characters you would ever meet. When you are on the outs, running from the law, and in need of money very badly, where do you go? Why, to a secret training camp where a handful of men are planning to invade Cuba and take up where the Bay of Pigs invasion failed, of course. Much to the frustration of our three heroes, they are not actually paid up front the thousand dollars they are expecting, and after training for about a day (it's hard to tell because night and day change continuously and look pretty much alike), they're off to Cuba. For a second, it looks like the invading forces (all seven of them) stand a chance-there can't be more than 10 Cubans there to oppose them (including a fellow with the worst Castro [imitation] beard you will ever want to see). Despite being captured and never attempting to flee through the incredibly big hole in the wall of their "prison," the trio somehow make their way back to the States (presumably, but all of the locations look alike) and try to go legit-the key word here is try.

There are some quite funny bits by the guys on the Satellite of Love. Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo are hilarious as they begin the show pretending to be rich, smarmy, pompous gamblers. Halfway through the movie, Mike begins to think he is Carol Channing, thus providing Crow with a golden opportunity to do his wonderful Carol Channing impersonation. There is a short before the film, but it is quite forgettable; posture was seemingly all the rage in the 1950s, and this little film seems to argue that, when giving a speech, how you look is more important than what you say (let me clarify the fact that this is not the famous "plenty of lip and tongue action" short on how to give a speech). For me, the funniest moment of the whole movie has nothing to do with Mike and the Bots-one of the characters says that his daughter has been blind ever since her husband was killed in the war. What? Oh, man, they just don't write movies like this anymore-or if they do, moviemakers have enough sense not to film them.

Here is yet another example of an excellent non-science fiction MST3K episode.
Here's the deal:

After an opening credit sequence featuring John Carradine belching out the theme song, Coleman Francis stars as Griffin, an escaped felon who teams up with two illegal tire-changers named Cook and Landis. After they bond over beans and coffee, the trio decide to join up with the local army to invade Cuba. They hire a rather uncharismatic fellow named Cherokee Jack ("I'm Cherokee Jack") to fly them to the military base. After the absolute worst training session in history, which consisted of wrestling, climbing a rope and jumping off a cliff, the impressive force leave for Cuba. The riveting beach landing scene is a close second to Saving Private Ryan's as far as intensity goes (uhhh...not really). As the invasion force of 8 guys gets picked off one by one by the Cubans, led by a faux-Castro in the worst fake beard of all time, Griffin, Cook and Landis are captured along with their injured "friend" Sergeant Justine (Chastain, actually). They have to spend time in a little shack with "Viva Cuba" scrawled on the wall (so you know it's really Cuba), and all the while watch their fellow soldiers get paint thrown in their faces. After an ingenius plan to strangle the guard that gives them a bowl full of water, the guys escape and fly in a plane back to good ole US of A, leaving Justine behind. When they get back home, they track down Justine's wife, who rather naively gives them directions to and offers to help them with the plunder of the family's tungsten mine. Cook and Landis are captured by the cops, Griffin and Mrs. Justine are shot, and Justine himself makes a triumphant return, only to find his dead wife in the back of a pick-up truck. A dark, dark movie, is this one.

I really love Mike and Bots treatment of this one. It is so disjointed and mistake-riddled, that it must be hard to sit through, but somehow they manage it, and make it my favorite episode in the process. Much like Mitchell, I think the fact that the main characters are so loathsome, that the writers cruelty was unfettered. A true classic.

Oh, man. This is a painful one. Production values worse than Manos. Plot less coherent than The Hellcats. Coleman Francis. And theme song sung by John "Oh, to be blessed with such an instrument" Carradine! I personally love this movie, as it is THE worst example of film production I have ever seen, but it isn't for everyone....you have to work up to this one....if you can watch Manos and Hobgoblins back to back, you are ready to try this one. Do not use sharp implements after viewing.

Interestingly enough, I recently had the opportunity to speak to Mike Nelson. I asked him which were his most and least favorite episodes were. He said this was, by far, his least favorite because "It's basically watching three guys in a room talking for an hour." He is, of course, correct. This is why you must be prepared for the stench that is Red Zone Cuba.

I would have loved to see _Red Zone Cuba_ straight up, no sillouette. The "invasion" scenes rival some of the better work of Monty Python. And the Castro look-alike! "I'm Cherokee Jack!" The movie alone would have you paralyzed with laughter.

But then you get M&TB to sit in front of it and you are in for some kind of treat. It was no problem for them to get good riffs out of this one: the riffs came gently and easily, amplifying Francis' spectacle to the nth degree. I was reluctant to laugh as much as I had the need to for fear of missing another comment. This is one of my favorites to be sure. Thank you Coleman Francis, and thank you MST3K!

P.S.- Is it just me or in Red Zone Cuba has Mike not yet found his niche yet in the SOL host segments? Instead of the Mike of the Sci-Fi years whom we could always expect a focused personality from, late S5 Mike is kinda foggy-headed and aimlessly goofy. But then again, replacing Joel had to take some guts, and if Mike hadn't yet found his place in the show I can understand that. But "it's just a show, I should really just relax!"

This DVD of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" offer up the movie "Red Zone Cuba" (which was originally released under the title "Night Train to Mundo Finé"). This awful, incomprehensible, and completely bizarre 1961 film (re-released in 1965) made for one the greatest episodes of the show. This is classic comedy, a must-have for fans, and a must-see for anyone who has never watched an episode of this hysterical TV program.

For those of you unfamiliar with "Mystery Science Theater 3000," (MST3K for short) it is a ninety-minute show featuring a silhouette of a man and two robots in movie theater seats projected in front of a terrible movie. The hosts provide side-splitting, satiric, and culturally-savvy wisecracks to accompany the movie. Each episode also includes sketches and songs and adds up to some of the most hilarious comedy you will ever see.

This DVD offers up episode #619, from late in the show's run on Comedy Central. Mike Nelson had been the host for a full season at this point, and he had really hit his stride with his two robot co-hosts (Tom Servo, voiced by Kevin Murphy, and Crow T. Robot, voiced by Trace Beaulieu). The riffing is razor sharp and wickedly biting, and "Red Zone Cuba" is possibly the best Mike Nelson episode of all time.

This is the second of three movies from director Coleman Francis that MST3K took on. Thanks to his exposure on the show, Mr. Francis has become a bad-movie legend on the level of Ed Wood. But Coleman Francis's flicks make Ed Wood's look like Stanley Kubrick movies by comparison! Coleman Francis was originally a bit-part movie actor, appearing in many Westerns and other b-programmers in the 40s and 50s. He decided to take a crack at movie directing himself, and along with his producer/drinking buddy Anthony Cardoza, crafted three mind-numbingly horrendous yet startlingly bizarre films: "The Skydivers," (available in DVD the collection: "Mystery Science Theater 3000, Vol. 1), this movie, and "The Beast of Yucca Flats" (not on DVD, but it should be some day).

Francis's films have a weird atmosphere: bleakly washed-out gray, packed with scenes of cars approaching, planes landing, people walking, bursts of sound and silence, and plots that are impossible to follow. The acting, from Francis's buddies like Tony Cardoza, is so wooden as to be unbelievable (third grade Christmas pageants have better acting), and the characters are so inexplicably bizarre and the editing so blunt ("I think my neck just got snapped in that jump cut!" Mike screams at one point) that his films seems to take place in another universe. In the hands of the MST3K team, his movies achieve a level of sublime comic entertainment.

"Red Zone Cuba" is Francis's finest (in other words, worst) hour. A runaway convict named Griffin (played by the greasy, obese Mr. Francis himself) joins two drifters, Landis and Cook, somewhere in New Mexico. They fly down to Florida (which looks like New Mexico) to join the Bay of Pigs invasion. It fails because the U.S. only hires eight insurgents and gives them twenty minutes of training in how to jump before unleashing them on Cuba. Imprisoned in Cuba (which looks like New Mexico), Griffin and his buddies stage a daring escape, fly all the way to...New Mexico, I guess...and then stuff a guy down a well, find a mountain of pitch blend, have trouble with a convertible top...

Well look, your guess is as good as mine as to what in the heck is going on in this film. I can't really describe what a wonderful experience this movie is with the MST3K team heckling along. Oh, and did I mention John Carradine pops up in a cameo and actually sings? Because he does! The film eventually drives Mike Nelson insane, and he thinks he's Carol Channing.

As a bonus, the MST3K boys watch a short film before the movie, "Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance," designed to help the salesman of the 50s present a speech effectively by putting his hands on his knees and rotating them. (I'm not kidding.) As with most short films on MST3K, this one is hilarious.

If you are new to MST3K, this is one of the best episodes to start with - it's as funny as they come! If you are fan, this is one of the MUST HAVES of the whole series run. But you already know that, Cherokee Jack!

If you have never seen Mystery Science Theater 3000 this is the one to start with. Everything just clicks in this episode. The wonderfully bad Coleman Francis film makes perfect fodder for Mike and the bots. From the opening tones of the John Carradine sung theme, to the last Beast-of-Yucca-Flats-like helicopter rundown at the end, Red Zone Cuba is a riot. When Mike and the bots start making Curly of the 3 Stooges references at Coleman, through the inept guerilla training sequences, to the invasion of Cuba.....this is just one of the funniest episodes of the show. I know some folks get caught up in the Joel vs. Mike, or Comedy Central vs. Sci-Fi thing....who cares? This one-of-a-kind show is sorely missed in today's reality TV/King of Queens/According to Jim world, and no matter which episode you pop in you are guaranteed a good laugh with MST3K. Red Zone Cuba, for me just tops the list.

This film took several viewings to receive the full impact of its
awfulness. The immortal theme song, "Night Train to Mundo Fine", croaked by John Carradine, the tubby and begrimed Coleman Francis, the all-too-brief appearance of "Cherokee Jack", who surely has the oddest line delivery of any actor EVER! The hilarious training camp sequence (climb a rope, jump off a small sand dune, climb back up on the rope) and the tragic Bay Of Pigs invasion force, consisting of 7 guys.
A guy in a big fake beard playing Castro...the weird interlude where the blind woman plays the piano as they drop her daddy down a well(for what reason I never could figure out). The jolly hunt for uranium, or whatever, ending in the shooting of an innocent woman. The eventual manhunt and long, dull death of the men who "rode all the way to Hell", or at least as far as Barstow! Rent this movie and prepare to be dazzled.

....that the basic idea for Red Zone Cuba could have made for an exciting, hard-edged political thriller. Three drifters, one who is very much on the lam, join a military outfit to fight Castro simply so they can grab a payday and eat regular. They are captured and then escape being executed. Fleeing Cuba, they track down the widow of one of their fellow soldiers who died while being held captive. Along with the widow, the three men plan to make a big score but are killed during a gunfight with the police.

Picture Robert Aldrich or Sam Peckinpah directing with Warren Oates, Strother Martin & Harry Dean Stanton as the three losers. Sounds like a pretty good flick, doesn't it? My advice to you is to imagine that film while you are transfixed by the awfulness of auteur Coleman Francis' vision. A previous reviewer correctly noted that those who cite Ed Wood as the epitome of bad really don't know what they are talking about. Red Zone Cuba & Skydivers, both directed by Mr. Francis, put Angora Boy to absolute shame.

Ed Wood films tend to have a beginning, a middle and an end. We know who the good guys and bad guys are. We know what is happening and what each character wants. Granted, all of this is done very badly in his films. The acting is atrocious and the writing almost touches genius in its ineptitude. But, in spite of all that goes wrong in an Ed Wood film, they are entertaining. Plan 9 From Outer Space is fun. Glen or Glenda is fun. Bride of The Monster is a lot of fun.

Coleman Francis doesn't even have Ed Wood's infectious exuberance. A hideous man with an equally hideous worldview. The pacing of his films wouldn't even qualify as glacial. Actors wander in and out of each take mumbling their lines with no commitment or idea what they are doing. The editing, as nearly every reviewer has noted, seems to actively TRY to make you hurt yourself while watching from one scene to the next. Already a pretty painful affair.

Mike, Crow and Servo really fire on all cylinders in this episode. You can tell that they clearly have no desire to even attempt lobbing softballs at such a vile piece of garbage. Instead they are merciless and Coleman Francis, deservedly, takes a MST3K beating that surpasses even those of Joe Don Baker, Torgo and Arch Hall Jr. from Eegah! Unlike the film they are watching, the writing for this episode is top-flight Mystery Science Theater. I dock it one star simply because Red Zone Cuba is just that bad. Watch at your own risk.

I wholeheartedly agree with assertions that Coleman Francis was a far worse writer/director than Ed Wood. Say what you want about Mr. Wood, he could at least employ dialogue that allowed for character development and develop a relatively cohesive plot. Indeed, Red Zone Cuba is a horrible movie, and yet I feel strangely drawn to it because I am baffled as to why CF thought such a tale deserved screen time. I can only surmise that Francis thought it remarkable that the bay of pigs invasion relied heavily on government-backed militants and Free Cuba activists who didn't care where the men they recruited came from; they just needed warm bodies on the front line. Ex-cons and luckless drifters like the two desperadoes with the escaped con Griffin were almost certainly among their numbers. Dull plot, virtually absent dialogue, and bleak landscapes notwithstanding, what makes Red Zone Cuba a really terrible movie is that it just isn't focused at all. One might think with a $30,000 budget, Francis would confine the story more directly to the Bay of Pigs invasion in Cuba. Ideally, the movie might have ended with the trio's escape and more time and effort would have gone into developing a cohesive plot and general film statement. Instead, the film packs on forty extra pitiful minutes AFTER the escape when the three pillage and loot their way West to cheat a widow out of a hardly credible 'mine'. Why bother? Wasn't, as Crow stated, this movie supposed to be about Cuba? Herein lies the paradox of the movie: was it about the Bay of Pigs invasion force, or was it about a vile escaped con called Griffin, who 'ran all the way to hell?' Was the story extended into a tale of Griffin's last days because, perhaps, Francis' ego wasn't assuaged by the quantity of screen time he got? Or am i just reading way too much into the whole damn thing? I feel fortunate to have seen the movie, and grateful to Best Brains for having softened the blow of the second worst movie I have ever seen. I didn't like this particular MST the first time i saw it, but it seems to have garnered a special place in my heart now. I recommend this comically revamped film as a thinkpiece as well as a classic MST3K episode.

Red Zone Cuba is, along with Manos The Hand of Fate, the best MST3k episode hands down.

I would say Deathstalkers would be in the top three as well.

The pace is slow and pointless. The dialouge meaningless and bordering on psychotic. It is such a pointless and non-sensical film you just have to turn away at points.

Who could forget these lines:

" My mother was a wood duck"

" I'm Cherokee Jack"

" Water, sick man, thirsty"

Who could forget the classic scene with the old man and the well? The blind piano player? The invasion of Cuba? The prisoner camp at "Cuba"? The tire changing scence? The scene where you just hear crickets for 5 minutes and nothing else? How about the scene where they smoke cigarettes? How about the great scene where they "fly" from New Mecixo to New Mexico? How about the "dirt and the drainpipe" scene?

The truth is, this is a hilarous, hilarious MST3k episode. It will make you spit up your drink and hit the floor in laughter. the cast is so stupid, the writing so poor and the editing so akward you won't believe it.

" Hi,I'm Cherokee Jack"