Customer Reviews

The Myth of Maturity: What Teenagers Need from Parents to Become Adults

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I just finished reading Terri Apter's book about helping teenagers and young adults find their way in the world. I will be recommending it to all of our friends! Ms. Apter identifies common misconceptions about how young people "should" be treated while discussing the realities young people face and how they need to be treated. Many of her ideas about helping our children grow into successful (happy, well-adjusted) adults are very common sense and resonate with parents as things we want to do, yet feel society does not support. Apter's ability to provide examples as to why parents need to nurture their young adults is reinforced by her examples of what happens when young adults do not receive such support. As parents we must do what we feel is best for our children and reject the pressures of society to "let them go and learn from their own mistakes". Apter's Myth of Maturity is a great resource for parents.

This book was so appropriate for our situation with our college age daughter. I found the book to be one of the few written specifically for this age group. I have loaned it to two friends who are having problems with their 20+ year old offspring. So many things are written about the teenage years, that you assume after that is over that "maturity" and development is accomplished. I am looking now for other books written by this author. Highest recs!!

Don't let the subtitle mislead you- this book isn't about parenting teenagers at all but rather about 20somethings. The author invents a new term ("thresholders") for adults in their twenties and she advocates the kind of coddling by parents that has led to a prolonged adolescence among so many Gen Yers. I just couldn't relate at all to the stories of "quarterlife" angst by spoiled, whiny, immature 20somethings sponging off Mommy and Daddy. Ms. Apter regards the serial job-hopping and bed-hopping and the delay in becoming financially independent by so many young adults today as a *GOOD* thing. She claims, without providing any convincing evidence to support the assertion, that this kind of drifting is "preparation for a complex and demanding adulthood". Personally, I feel that "the maturity myth" is itself a myth and that the kind of "support" Ms. Apter advocates parents give 20somethings will ultimately hurt more than help. She calls it "scouting the adult world" but these "thresholders" *ARE* adults- and they need to start acting like them!

The chapter on marriage and parenthood by "thresholders" particularly made my blood boil. Ms. Apter claims that getting married prior to one's late twenties prematurely "forecloses" what she calls "the opportunity for real, deep growth" and allegedly "leads to a limited identity." She goes on to claim that 20somethings who settle down "assume the outward form of adulthood, take a shortcut to growth. This strategy invariably fails." As if the kind of "hooking up" that is now the norm among 20somethings allows for real growth of anything aside from the skyrocketing rates of STD's and out-of-wedlock pregnancies. She fails to consider the possibility for growing as a person within the framework of a loving, stable, committed relationship. I'm not the same person I was when I got married a month prior to my 22nd birthday. Getting married young didn't stunt my identity at all- I was able to grow & mature in my 20's just as easily (if not more so) than had I chosen to remain single.

Skip this one if you want your kids to become self-reliant adults.

The Myth of Maturity is a must read for any parent of any older teen or young adult. And, I would recommend that young adults read it as well. It includes sound advice, interesting case studies and Terri Apter's usual perceptiveness. I hope this book gets the recognition it deserves.<(...)

Some kids seem to be taking forever to mature these days. It's as if all they want to do in their 20's is chill and hang and do nothing. This book explains many reasons why this is so, why kids have more problems maturing and take a lot longer, and why parents need to continue emotionally supporting and trying to understand them, often in the face of the kid's hostility or "I don't care" attitude. If you buy this book, and I recommend it highly, don't forget to read the introduction, which is almost a summary of the book. Lastly, Ms. Apter oftens cites a situation and then says "here's what the kid says" and then "here's how the parent responds". I found my self saying time after time "that's exactly how I would respond as a parent." Beforewarned that Ms. Apter is advocating for a different response from the one I would usually give to the child. This is not an uplifting book. But a very necessary one. But there don't seem to be many others like it on the market. Ms. Apter is so perceptive that I can't understand why it wasn't a best seller.

This book is a must for any parenbt or therapist dealing with graduating seniors and college age kids. I am so impressed with Apter's depiction of "thresholders" feelings and how helpful it is to us parents launching our children. If I had not read this book, I am positive I would have perpetuated the myth of maturity and hurt my young adult child in the process.

Valuable even as an 8-year-old book. I've recommended it to ALL of my friends with high school/college age children.

Bought this book for a class I took on campus and did not want to pay the extreme price on campus. Found it on here for a 1/3 of the cost and it was the extact same book it was perfect. Great ship time and wonderful customer service.