The church places many expectations on modern Christian women, especially when it comes to motherhood. Often women are discouraged and frustrated, feeling they can never measure up. Carla Barnhill asserts in The Myth of the Perfect Mother that much of what we understand to be God's ideal is actually based on secular culture. Barnhill addresses several issues mothers struggle with, including homeschooling, spanking, working vs. staying at home, depression, and social isolation, and offers a positive view of motherhood based on biblical principles. The Myth of the Perfect Mother provides encouragement for women who face the realities of motherhood and need to be reminded that their ultimate worth lies in their relationship with God. It also provides valuable insight for pastors and counselors who minister to women and families.
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
What happens when the very faith community to which a confused and overwhelmed mother turns for help contributes to her depressed state by preaching a message of impossible idealism? Barnhill, editor of Christian Parenting Today, bravely tackles some ingrained perceptions and attitudes toward motherhood within the evangelical Christian subculture. Based on sound research and the stories of more than 50 women surveyed, her book compiles a compelling case for re-evaluating and exploring the myths of motherhood. When churches elevate the role of motherhood, and family life in general, to "a position of importance that is out of synch with the call of the gospel," women struggle "with the incongruity between who God created them to be and who the church tells them they should be." Addressing such key topics as depression among mothers, disciplining children, the importance of work and the need for relationships, Barnhill finds her strength in the personal anecdotes peppered throughout the book. Her writing is well-informed, honest and engaging, but could be fine-tuned at points. Although she briefly mentions some practical suggestions for churches and ministers, like starting up a Bible study for mothers with childcare included, the book could benefit from additional advice on how best to change the distorted theology she so successfully identifies.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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More About the Author
Carla Barnhill has been in Christian publishing for 13 years. She is the former editor of Christian Parenting Today magazine and also served as Associate Editor of Campus Life magazine. Carla is now a freelance editor and writer, working with publishers such as Zondervan, WaterBrook, Baker, Tyndale, and HarperOne. She is the author of Blessings Every Day and The Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is a featured columnist in Today's Christian Woman magazine, a guest blogger on Christianity Today's Gifted for Leadership website, and the co-founder of The Mommy Revolution (themommyrevolution.com).
Carla has spoken to thousands of mothers at MOPS conventions, women's retreats, and churches around the country. She is a sought-after source of new ideas about motherhood, parenting, and the spiritual formation of children.
Carla lives in Minnesota with her wonderful husband, her dopey dog, and the three best kids ever created.
Carla has spoken to thousands of mothers at MOPS conventions, women's retreats, and churches around the country. She is a sought-after source of new ideas about motherhood, parenting, and the spiritual formation of children.
Carla lives in Minnesota with her wonderful husband, her dopey dog, and the three best kids ever created.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Relief from the Guilt,
By
This review is from: The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women (Paperback)
Carla Barnhill does an excellent job of expressing what many Christian women have felt for a long time, but were afraid to express publicly. Our guilt is often false guilt placed by churches and others. Also, I appreciate her support and focus on Christian Working Moms. Christian Working Moms are often a silent minority in the church. I would highly recommend this book for a new and refreshing perspective.
10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
A fiesty and honest work, but one that lacks a compelling vision.,
By
This review is from: The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women (Paperback)
To Carla I would say: Thank you for being so brutally honest and for being courageous enough to address this hot button issue to the Christian culture.For any interested in a book leading to good or, perhaps, heated conversation, this is perfect. The author brings up topics that have long needed thoughtful analysis in the church, such as: Are we overly focused on the nuclear family? Do we use our children as an excuse to not reach beyond our family? How can churches better serve their working and single moms? And, the over-arching question, what does God truly expect from women who have chosen to be followers of His Son? In her honesty, the reader quickly discovers that the author has and still does suffer from depression. In some ways, this makes her uniquely qualified to speak on the subject of burn-out, guilt and the burdensome social expectations that come with parenthood. Personally, had I the chance, I would have suggested that the author keep this volume as an unpublished journal, and then, 15 or so years from now, having had time to process all of her emotions and thoughts (Carla, I assume writing this book was a very emotional process for you?) write her book then. Maybe she should write a followup book. Perhaps in that book she could focus less on providing criticism and more on some thoughtful solutions, less venting and more helpful analysis. I found this book sorely lacked a positive vision for motherhood. Whether working or staying at home, mothers today desperately need concrete models of motherhood that inspire us toward all that parenting entails. I think Carla would agree with me that the choices we make in parenthood deeply affect our children. But I think this failed to come out in her book. Rather than merely raging at a sub-culture that does have plenty of problems, are there mothers out there who might be willing to write a calm and well processed piece of literature that might lead to beneficial discussion within the Church of the meaning of motherhood?
8 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Really really liked this book.,
By A Reader "A Reader" (Manitou Springs, CO) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women (Paperback)
love, love LOVED this book. I only gave it 4 stars, because I wish it was a bit longer with a bit more analysis. I really enjoyed this because I am in that stage of my life and am sick to death about hearing what kind of mother I am suppose to be according to the great Christian evangelical subculture. I also feel ike the author did a great job describing what the culture expects of you and how it makes you feel if you "mess it up" (your kid turns out "bad").This is a book where I felt like I sat down with a kindred spirit for over lunch. She does it in a funny way, like telling a story of her leaving her son an extra 15 minutes in his crib for some extra zzzzz's and when she gets him he is covered in poop! Maybe its because my daughter is only 11 months old, but I too find it hard to find anything positive about getting up before 7am. Barnhill does a great job of pulling in a lot of different resources that I really like, like Mary Stewart van Leeuwan for instance. Barnhill makes parenting a joint effort, not solely on the shoulders of the mother. Sometimes you can be the best parent in the world according to everyone else, but they might make some rotten decisions. I feel that she did a good job of acknowledging the fact that children are individuals too, not just some people we can control and manipulate into what we want them to be. The talks about the "cult of the family" which I thought did a great job describing where women, a stronger emphasis on working women, get the guilt from. I guess thier families should starve if they don't go to work, or maybe they should go on welfare. I really got a lot of out her chapter on WANTING to work as well. After doing this stay at home gig, I don't think I am cut out for it and I feel GUILTY because I might want to do something else with my life. This definitely helped me process that. I would recommend this book with "The Christian Family in Changing Times."
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