Customer Reviews

The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Carla Barnhill does an excellent job of expressing what many Christian women have felt for a long time, but were afraid to express publicly. Our guilt is often false guilt placed by churches and others. Also, I appreciate her support and focus on Christian Working Moms. Christian Working Moms are often a silent minority in the church. I would highly recommend this book for a new and refreshing perspective.

To Carla I would say: Thank you for being so brutally honest and for being courageous enough to address this hot button issue to the Christian culture.

For any interested in a book leading to good or, perhaps, heated conversation, this is perfect. The author brings up topics that have long needed thoughtful analysis in the church, such as: Are we overly focused on the nuclear family? Do we use our children as an excuse to not reach beyond our family? How can churches better serve their working and single moms? And, the over-arching question, what does God truly expect from women who have chosen to be followers of His Son?

In her honesty, the reader quickly discovers that the author has and still does suffer from depression. In some ways, this makes her uniquely qualified to speak on the subject of burn-out, guilt and the burdensome social expectations that come with parenthood. Personally, had I the chance, I would have suggested that the author keep this volume as an unpublished journal, and then, 15 or so years from now, having had time to process all of her emotions and thoughts (Carla, I assume writing this book was a very emotional process for you?) write her book then. Maybe she should write a followup book. Perhaps in that book she could focus less on providing criticism and more on some thoughtful solutions, less venting and more helpful analysis.

I found this book sorely lacked a positive vision for motherhood. Whether working or staying at home, mothers today desperately need concrete models of motherhood that inspire us toward all that parenting entails. I think Carla would agree with me that the choices we make in parenthood deeply affect our children. But I think this failed to come out in her book. Rather than merely raging at a sub-culture that does have plenty of problems, are there mothers out there who might be willing to write a calm and well processed piece of literature that might lead to beneficial discussion within the Church of the meaning of motherhood?

love, love LOVED this book. I only gave it 4 stars, because I wish it was a bit longer with a bit more analysis. I really enjoyed this because I am in that stage of my life and am sick to death about hearing what kind of mother I am suppose to be according to the great Christian evangelical subculture. I also feel ike the author did a great job describing what the culture expects of you and how it makes you feel if you "mess it up" (your kid turns out "bad").

This is a book where I felt like I sat down with a kindred spirit for over lunch. She does it in a funny way, like telling a story of her leaving her son an extra 15 minutes in his crib for some extra zzzzz's and when she gets him he is covered in poop! Maybe its because my daughter is only 11 months old, but I too find it hard to find anything positive about getting up before 7am.

Barnhill does a great job of pulling in a lot of different resources that I really like, like Mary Stewart van Leeuwan for instance. Barnhill makes parenting a joint effort, not solely on the shoulders of the mother. Sometimes you can be the best parent in the world according to everyone else, but they might make some rotten decisions. I feel that she did a good job of acknowledging the fact that children are individuals too, not just some people we can control and manipulate into what we want them to be.

The talks about the "cult of the family" which I thought did a great job describing where women, a stronger emphasis on working women, get the guilt from. I guess thier families should starve if they don't go to work, or maybe they should go on welfare. I really got a lot of out her chapter on WANTING to work as well. After doing this stay at home gig, I don't think I am cut out for it and I feel GUILTY because I might want to do something else with my life. This definitely helped me process that.

I would recommend this book with "The Christian Family in Changing Times."

this book is very very good. I have long thought that there was a link between Andrea Yates and the unbelievable pressure to be perfect that exists in certain pockets of christianity. I have also privately thought to myself the very words that the author uses about "the cult of the family" and "the parenting cult". people who would never consider themselves legalists are in fact very legalistic about family matters. that said I did have a couple of problems with this book. one is that far too much space is taken up with working mother guilt..probably because it is an issue that has impacted the author greatly. I would have appreciated a broader focus on more issues besides this one. breastfeeding is an ENOROUS issue. the whole "attachment parenting" subculture is also every bit as cultic as the "Ezzo" business. yes there are a few sentences about people being reamed for their baby sleep habits but anyone talking about mother guilt would be very remiss to fail to mention William and Martha Sears who is one of the biggest propagators of it. perhaps because he is a fellow contributor to CPT along with the author she steered clear of him. or maybe it was just an oversight...second the whole spanking issue....it has been my observation that those in christian circles who are divisive about spanking are those who do not...not those who do. perhaps like the Ezzo/Sears issue maybe this is because so many christians think in extremes rather than in balance it becomes polarized. I will say it: there are some children who just need s a spanking. all the nonviolent discipline rhetoric in the world will not change that. the author is very respectful to spankers she knows but it still feels like doublespeak. some kids never need a spanking and it is very easy to agree with the nonspanking philosophy if these children happen to be yours. that said, for some peculiar reason every christian book out there about spanking acts as if it is the punishment of choice all the time and has detailed training programs for spanking every time the kid displays a bad attitude or says "no". no wonder so many of these people whose kids react poorly to this jump to the no spanking wagon. it is a shame that the best philosophy of corporal punishment comes from someone who does not even claim to be a christian and that is John Rosemond. he states that spankings are most effective when they are very rare events: ie the kid knows that if he is spanked he has REALLY done it this time. and that most of the time other methods of discipline are more suitable to the situation. and that some kids never need it at all. I think that for a christian to be on the nonspanking fence is just as polarizing and divisive as they claim the spankers are. better to say that spanking doesnt seem to be what their kids need but they fully acknowledge that other parents may need to without pulling in secular anti spanking rhetoric. it gives a feel of talking out of both sides of the authors mouth.

aside from a few of these issues though, this is a good and thought provoking book...so many churches that are otherwise non legalistic heap piles of "shoulds" on families and parents. things that are not even in the bible and come about just by implication. and speak of Andrea Yates, I had been hoping for more discussion of the fringish beliefs that she espoused that are quite common in certain christian circles but that are not mainstream evangelical.