Customer Reviews

In the Name of Submission: A Painful Look at Wife Battering

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This is the first book with a Christian perspective that I read which gave me a basis for ending my abusive marriage. It was the first book that told me that God loves BOTH partners in a marriage- and that it was NOT OKAY for my husband to be abusive. It states that SUBMISSION IS NOT SLAVERY OR BEING A DOORMAT! THIS WAS THE FIRST BOOK THAT GAVE ME PERMISSION TO QUESTION HIS AUTHORITY OVER ME AS THE HEAD OF OUR HOME! Unfortunately, it took me 10 more years to finally be free of his contol and abuse, but I credit this book with giving me the freedom to survive! A MUST for ANY WOMAN WHO QUESTIONS HER HUSBAND'S CONTROLLING, ISOLATING OR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR- ESPECIALLY IF SHE IS A CHRISTIAN AND BELIEVES IN THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE.

I've been a believer since I was a small child. I have struggled 24 years and endured much anguish,disappointment, emotional, and physical pain in regard to my marriage relationship. For all those years I excused my husband's behaviors (verbal and emotional abuse, escalating to physical the past 6 years...). In the past 2 years the verbal and emotional reached an excruciating level,and I was totally oblivious to the covert ways my husband CHOSE to try and manipulate me. (He didn't even realize it was abuse! He did it to "help" me or "for your own good".) I realized if he didn't choose to do it, he'd do it to everyone, not just me! OUCH! That took me a week to accept!And longer to "sink in"! I always excused these unloving behaviors as the result of growing up in a dysfunctional family with an alcoholic father who physically and emotionally abused my husband throughout his childhood. Being a Christian with a strong personal relationship, I dilligently tried to be a submissive, godly wife - even took mentoring/advice from women who seemed "wise" which actually encouraged further abuse! IT WAS THIS PARTICULAR BOOK WHICH pointed me to various scriptures and clearly discussed the topics related to submission (like separation) I had been misled into what submission was (I fervently had been studying the subject as DAILY life was SOOO stressful and I saw the effects of my husband's no longer hiding his cruel words, scoldings, criticism, etc. from the children... and how THEY were beginning to receive the verbal abuse!) I was teaching a group of women on marriage, and the upcoming chapter was on submission, and I just HAD to study the topic more deeply as I had no peace on the whole submission topic in marriage. It sure didn't "work" for our family. IT WAS THIS book which gave me the eye-opening knowledge and the necessary peace and confidence to take action just a few days later when an insignificant incident in 5 min. escalated into my husband's assaulting me - leaving evidence - I was knowledgeable enough THEN to realize, that THIS was not submission as God desires. This book clearly led me through the scriptures on the topic. Using this new biblical based knowledge, I humbled myself and with God's peace (spoken of in Phillipians Ch.4), took the steps necessary to help my husband and our family... Including filing a protective order - this was the third incident I had WARNED him "I'll turn you in if you touch me" and he did. I had requested 6 times in the past 18 months that he get help (that' not counting scattered requests over the first 20+ yrs.), and I took steps to submit my family's future and his/our recovery to the eldership and local court system. It was not easy, nor painless, but was incredibly exhilarating to know I was no longer trapped in submission, but was able to see that our home life was grieving the Holy Spirit. It's been only 8 wks., but reviewing my prayerfully taken steps, inspired by this book, after all these years, the kids and I are feeling great relief. As well-meaning Christians try to "help" with advice - naive to what verbal and emotional abuse are, I return to my highlights in this book and the referenced scriptures and assure myself that despite outsider's opinions, advice and sometimes judgement... the decisions I have made were done in love, and are pleasing to our Lord. With all the abuse done privately at home or in the car, my fine, highly educated, white collar, upstanding citizen, husband would never have been recognized as an abuser. Easy to make the necessary decisions, no! But renewed hope for reconcilliation and healing with the wisdom and scripture based advice found in this book. He has NOW been willing to get counseling from a professional (kids and I are also, too). He just recently realized he has been abusive... still a looonnnggg way to go, but a breakthrough! Because we are separated I have had many fingers of judgement pointed at me that I am not being a submissive wife! "You're taking control...calling the shots... didn't submit to him... should not be apart, should study God's word, you didn't wait on God long enough!" (Wish they could just have spent ONE day in my shoes at home and they'd think differently!) I assure those "uneducated in abuse" persons I've done my homework BOTH in the Bible and many books. THIS BOOK was the MOST helpful, clear, and detailed on the subject of submission and abuse! IT HELPED ME SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Biblical submission and ABUSE! I am buying more copies to share,one for the local abuse shelter and ESPECIALLY to educate the judgemental, well-meaning Christian friends - people whom if they were to read this book would most likely see how UNsupportive and misguided they are on this subject - at a time, when my family members need support, not more injuries! THIS BOOK gave me the realization that separation with the intent to heal and reconcile IS acceptable to God! Read it! I recall reading another book which would have had me continue to "take" whatever he dished out as godly submission! I already battled anxiety, depression and other physical ailments the past 6 yrs.- not to mention the physical bruises and a crushed arch!(He shoves hard!) That book didn't reference scriptures nearly as much! MY THANK YOU goes to the only other reviewer... thanks for your caring to take the time to write your review! Your review caused me to order this book through Amazon.... you've been a blessing! May this one also encourage others that this is a very worthwhile book!

This book saved my life! I read it 20 years ago and it is the first book on domestic violence written for the Christian woman who is surviving emotional/and or physical abuse from her "Christian" husband. I agree wholeheartedly with the two earlier reviews... every other Christian pastor or counselor repeatedly told me to submit and be a better wife, even though I was walking on eggshells and bending myself in a pretzel for years trying to please my husband.

I kept praying for God to change him, but didn't realize that God expected me to do my part as well. Even Moses had to lift his arm to part the Red Sea. Abused women need to take action to protect themselves and their children from an abusive man.

I was a physical and emotional wreck. And yet no one told me I didn't deserve to be abused, that God loves both the man & wife equally, that God intended for the husband to treat his wife with love and respect. I kept waiting for God to change him, for God to make him loving and kind, for God to deliver him from his anger and controlling behavior- he also was abused as a child - but that did not give him the right to abuse me and our children. This book gave me HOPE for the first time in my marriage. It did take me another 10 years to get out of the relationship, but God was with me every step of the way as I learned how to become stronger and more self-sufficient.

I would have never had the courage to take care of myself and my children, as God intended, without this book. Since I've been out, I've realized what a DEVASTATING EFFECT my abusive marriage had on my children. I wish I had known ten years earlier the damage that abuse had on my children. Even though I tried to hide the abuse and pretend everything was ok, my children knew the truth and were terrified their father would come in and kill them. It has effected them emotionally their entire lives ~ and they are now adults. They all have problems with trust and control and anger, because that's what they grew up with.

If you are in ANY kind of an abusive relationship and have children, DO NOT believe that your children are better off with a father who is abusive. Yes, they would be better off with a father who is loving and kind, but living with an abusive controlling father could DESTROY their lives. I wish I had known. Through the Grace of God, they are recovering, but I pray daily for them to be delivered from their father's behavior. 2/3rds of men who abuse their wives may also abuse their children. NEVER leave your children with the abuser if you have to leave.

If you are in an abusive relationship, google "DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SAFETY PLAN" and learn what to do to keep yourself and your children safe. Always keep your keys, wallet, spare set of clothing for you and your children and any medications where you can get to them safely if you need to leave the house. Try to have a safe place to go if you need to leave your home.

ALWAYS erase your history on your computer so your husband is not able to see what you've been reading. If you are able, read as much as you can about domestic violence when you are positive he is not around. Learn as much as you can.

GOD DOES NOT INTEND FOR WIVES TO BE PUNCHING BAGS OR DOORMATS. He created women in His image as well as men, and women deserve to be treated with love and respect by their husbands.

The cat is finally out of the bag: not only are Christians abusing their children but Christian husbands are battering their wives. Hopefully, the age of denial is over, and the community of faith can talk about these problems and how healing can take place.

Strom's volume opens with a personal story, and then makes generalizations. She believes there are no stereo-typical wife-batterers, examines the problem of denial, writes a short but adequate section on the nature of submission, and then discusses the aftermath of wife battering: the effects on the children, getting out, getting legal help, and offers tips for both the individual and church in helping and healing abuse.

It is an immensely practical book, but very short on its treatment of all these subjects. It would be an excellent supplementary text for Christian training for MFCCs, as well as a guide to those who want to minister to victims within the church body. Battered Christian wives will also find this book very useful as they struggle through their confusion about what to believe and what to do.