Narcissism and Intimacy: Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion [Paperback]

Marion Solomon (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 17, 1992

In our culture we demand a great deal from our intimate relationships—and we are often disappointed.

This book not only reveals the social and psychological factors that lead to marital unhappiness, but also offers guidelines for change. Solomon starts by uncovering certain pervasive narcissistic myths and exploring what it means to be intimate in a culture that values autonomy and self-fulfillment above all. She shows that experiences in early childhood can lead to narcissistic vulnerability in later relationships. Case examples from her practice clarify how two individuals' feeling states and defenses mesh in the marital system and how the attempt to defend against emotional injury creates barriers to intimacy. The second part of the book focuses on treatment and on ways to change.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Marion Solomon's wisdom and warm humanity, together with her wide understanding and successful integration of systems ideas with both American mainstream and British object relations psychoanalytic thought and technique, make this book vital reading for all those concerned with the restoration and improvement of couple relationships in this 'age of confusion.' Her elegant style and her ability to present complex issues in simple language without 'writing down' make it a pleasure to read. I recommend it heartily. (A. C. Robin Skynner, M.D., The Group-Analytic Practice, London )

A uniquely well-articulated and scholarly exploration of the complexities of narcissism. In clarifying the relevance of difficult theoretical concepts to interpersonal relationships, Solomon has written a 'must' book for clinicians who work with couples and families. (Althea Horner, Ph.D., author of Object Relations and the Developing Ego in Therapy )

About the Author

Marion Solomon, Ph.D., is a lecturer at the David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry at UCLA, and Senior Extension faculty at the Department of Humanities, Sciences and Social Sciences at UCLA. She is also director of clinical training at the Lifespan Learning Institute and author of Narcissism and Intimacy, co-author of Short Term Therapy For Long Term Change, and co-editor of Countertransference in Couples Therapy and Healing Trauma.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company (September 17, 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0393309169
• ISBN-13: 978-0393309164
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #618,812 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

94 of 106 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Interesting, but by no means enlightening, April 4, 2000

By 

Christy in Europe "Christy" (Europe and USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Narcissism and Intimacy: Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion (Paperback)

This book is more of a therapist's guide to dealing with a few particular narcisstic marriages. The only thing this book does is to discuss certain narcisstic personalities in a marriage situation. That's about as far as the author takes the topic. Narcissism is only talked about in a marriage setting, not in terms of any love or relationships outside of a marriage. While the author does give some interesting examples and does well comparing and contrasting narcisstic and non-narcisstic personalities, the examples are few and are very particular to certain types of marriges and are hard apply to anything else. The author also doesn't give any clues on how to go about changing narcisstic patterns if you're stuck in them, which is what I was hoping to find when I bought the book.

25 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Narcissism and Intimacy, November 16, 2003

By 

Sam Vaknin (Skopje, Macedonia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Narcissism and Intimacy: Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion (Paperback)

A defining dimension of pathological narcissism is the inability to foster and maintain intimacy. Intimacy is not only feared - it is despised because it is perceived as 'common' and 'degrading'. The narcissist idealizes his sources of narcissistic supply and then habitually discards and devalues them. This book is instrumental both as a somewhat iconoclastic introduction to narcissism and as an anatomy of the frustration that is life with a narcissist. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited".

8 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Not the best book available on the subject, June 30, 2006

By 

Sammy Madison (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Narcissism and Intimacy: Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion (Paperback)

I read any book about narcissism eagerly, but this one disappointed me. The title "Narcissism and Intimacy" implied to me that this book would explain the frustrating and psychologically devastating maze that is life with a pathological narcissist. It didn't. Maybe because it is a book more about therapy than real life experiences, I found it murky and did not teach me anything new about the subject. Usually I find it heartening to read accounts of the impact of the narcissist on the lives of their significant others, but I really got nothing out of this book. I also got the idea the author was discussing regular narcissism, a personality trait, as opposed to pathological narcissism, a personality disorder. If you want to read a great book that will explain everything you want to know about pathological narcissism, read Sam Vaknin's book "Malignant Self Love", which is long and a little expensive, but really the ultimate book on the subject and worth every penny. If you want something shorter and less expensive, try "When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong" by Mary Jo Fay.