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Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On Paperback – March 30, 2007

4.6 out of 5 stars 180 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 196 pages
  • Publisher: New Horizon Press (March 30, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0882822837
  • ISBN-13: 978-0882822839
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 5.8 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (180 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #43,281 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Had a very painful breakup with a narcissist, whom I had once fondly thought of as "just a little vain". Could not make any kind of sense how this man I thought was everything I ever wanted and would have bet any amount of money felt the same about me, exhibited such a profound shift in behavior after 6 months. He went from loving, devoted, and committed to cold, critical, and most heartbreakingly--unfaithful, seemingly overnight. None of it made sense, and it was practically killing me waiting for him to return to the way it was. Then I read this book. Although it was very painful to read and acknowledge the truth of the situation: he didn't love me in any real sense, he had no capacity for empathy, I was "supply", and that I was trying desperately to save a relationship he'd already left--reading this book was also validating in the extreme. From the very first page, I recognized our relationship, recognized him, recognized my reactions to him in a way I've never experienced in a book. I kept thinking "yes, that's it, that's him,". It even had almost word for word quotes I'd heard from his mouth--unbelievable!! Finally, I was able to understand, and it shifted things for me in a profound way. Can't say I'm completely healed, but this book, more than the others on the topic that I purchased at the time, helped me to see, understand, and detach enough to try to really move on. This book is very easy to read, and gives lots of case examples and histories as well as the didactic explanations. For everyone in this situation, trying to make sense of what happened to the idyll, what you did wrong, you'll learn what you need here. The only thing I wish was that they could have given more in the way of concrete ways to move past, beyond observing the "no contact rule".Read more ›
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Format: Paperback
Is your man (or woman) moody (like, Jekyll and Hyde moody) for no apparent reason?

Does he fly into a rage when you ask him simple questions?

Does he treat you badly and then disappear for days, only to reappear and act like nothing happened?

Does he (or she) say unbelievably hurtful things to you for no reason and when you tell him so, he says "you're overreacting" or "you're too emotional"?

Does he only keep his word when it applies to something he wants to do?

Do you feel confused, chaotic, and drained from being with him?

Chances are your man (or woman) is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a bona fide psychiatric disorder characterized in the American Psychiatric Association's bible, the DSM-IV. But don't take my word for it. Read Narcissistic Lovers by Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble and see for yourself how your man compares to the many characteristics and examples in the book.

Narcissistic Lovers saved me from months of recovery after I was drained and discarded by an NPD after a 6-month involvement. I would say 6-month "relationship", but Zayn makes it very clear that one does not have a "relationship" with an NPD; it isn't possible. Ironically, the NPD even told me once that he wasn't trying to have a relationship with anybody (meaning me at the time). Of course, neither of us realized at the time that he was incapable of having a relationship with anyone anyway.

I read half a dozen self-help books on relationships before I finally came across Narcissistic Lovers. On every page I read the uncanny accuracy with which this book described my ex-boyfriend--the things he did and said, his habits and behaviors. It was as though the authors had eavesdropped on us.
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Format: Paperback
This book is awesome. Totally helped me turn the corner after being involved with an NPD for five months and unceremoniously dumped overnight when I wanted to be inter-dependent and not co-dependent, when I wouldn't continue to be "supply." I was stunned. I thought we were actually having a real relationship. This book made me face the fact that the only real relationship a narcissist has is with his false self and God forbid you get in the way of that. If you dare to hang on to your real self and stand up to an NPD, prepare to be tossed aside. They only want "relationships" with people they can control and who will stay on their knees, prostrating themselves to the almighty narcissist. Read this book and get away! Once you're away from the narcissist, STAY AWAY. Totally follow their advice to have no contact or you will regret it deeply.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you believe that you are in love, read this book. If you are finalizing your wedding plans, read this book. Unless you enjoy mental anguish, read this book.
Straight from Hell, the narcissistic 'lover' will appear, to ruin your life.

The only person the narcissist loves is the narcissist himself (or herself).

You are a provider. Money. Sex. Nothing more.

The 'power' that the narcissist seems to have is that you do not know what the narcissist is doing to you. To your mind. To your heart.

Better to pay for this book than to pay a divorce lawyer.
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Format: Paperback
After 29plus years of being married to a Narcissistic husband, I was devastated when the marriage I had worked so hard to hold onto fell apart after I pushed him a little too hard to be a real partner in the relationship. I ordered this book hoping to gain some understanding and it lived up to that expection. I underlined page after page as I saw our relationship so clearly in vitually every situation. Things that I never could understand about him were so clear --like why he would be hateful and hurtful out of the blue when things seemed to be going well. I learned it was because you are still "supply" to them even when you are angry and hurt. His actions never matched up to his words because he will say anything to protect his false self. I fell in love with him because he is so good at manipulation and stayed with him because he was so good at manipulation and I wanted so badly to make it work, believing he would eventually "get it."
The book is not clinical and probably does get carried away a little with the codependency angle, but I gained so much understanding about the past as well as the knowledge that there was nothing I could ever have done to make it work. That knowledge alone is very freeing! This book shouldn't be your only source for info on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it's a very affirming and informative place to start!
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