Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On (Paperback)

by Cynthia Zayn (Author), M.S. Kevin Dibble (Author) "Hello Friend, Still feeling confused about that crazy relationship?..." (more)
Key Phrases: narcissistic supply, narcissistic parent, narcissistic mother, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Somatic Narcissist, Know Thyself (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

In a revealing study of relationships where partners love themselves first, last, and always, Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble help readers determine whether their partner is over the line and has narcissistic personality disorder. The book draws on the authors' research and interviews with a variety of men and women who've been narcissized. Featuring compelling stories and scenarios, Narcissistic Lovers helps victims understand the pain brought on by their abusers, shows why these self-loathers can't change, and offer hope for healing from their "N-fliction."

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: New Horizon Press (March 30, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0882822837
• ISBN-13: 978-0882822839
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #44,461 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars VERY helpful!!, July 23, 2007

By	Finally Over It (Virginia) - See all my reviews

Had a very painful breakup with a narcissist, whom I had once fondly thought of as "just a little vain". Could not make any kind of sense how this man I thought was everything I ever wanted and would have bet any amount of money felt the same about me, exhibited such a profound shift in behavior after 6 months. He went from loving, devoted, and committed to cold, critical, and most heartbreakingly--unfaithful, seemingly overnight. None of it made sense, and it was practically killing me waiting for him to return to the way it was. Then I read this book. Although it was very painful to read and acknowledge the truth of the situation: he didn't love me in any real sense, he had no capacity for empathy, I was "supply", and that I was trying desperately to save a relationship he'd already left--reading this book was also validating in the extreme. From the very first page, I recognized our relationship, recognized him, recognized my reactions to him in a way I've never experienced in a book. I kept thinking "yes, that's it, that's him,". It even had almost word for word quotes I'd heard from his mouth--unbelievable!! Finally, I was able to understand, and it shifted things for me in a profound way. Can't say I'm completely healed, but this book, more than the others on the topic that I purchased at the time, helped me to see, understand, and detach enough to try to really move on. This book is very easy to read, and gives lots of case examples and histories as well as the didactic explanations. For everyone in this situation, trying to make sense of what happened to the idyll, what you did wrong, you'll learn what you need here. The only thing I wish was that they could have given more in the way of concrete ways to move past, beyond observing the "no contact rule". Understanding it all was enormously helpful, but it could have been even more so if there had been more in the way of practical suggestions in dealing with them when they "come back for old supply", or are abusive directly. But do, do buy this book--it really helped to get me unstuck where nothing else could.

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Regain your sanity: RUN LIKE HELL, March 2, 2008

By	Cedric's Mom (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews

Is your man (or woman) moody (like, Jekyll and Hyde moody) for no apparent reason?

Does he fly into a rage when you ask him simple questions?

Does he treat you badly and then disappear for days, only to reappear and act like nothing happened?

Does he (or she) say unbelievably hurtful things to you for no reason and when you tell him so, he says "you're overreacting" or "you're too emotional"?

Does he only keep his word when it applies to something he wants to do?

Do you feel confused, chaotic, and drained from being with him?

Chances are your man (or woman) is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a bona fide psychiatric disorder characterized in the American Psychiatric Association's bible, the DSM-IV. But don't take my word for it. Read Narcissistic Lovers by Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble and see for yourself how your man compares to the many characteristics and examples in the book.

Narcissistic Lovers saved me from months of recovery after I was drained and discarded by an NPD after a 6-month involvement. I would say 6-month "relationship", but Zayn makes it very clear that one does not have a "relationship" with an NPD; it isn't possible. Ironically, the NPD even told me once that he wasn't trying to have a relationship with anybody (meaning me at the time). Of course, neither of us realized at the time that he was incapable of having a relationship with anyone anyway.

I read half a dozen self-help books on relationships before I finally came across Narcissistic Lovers. On every page I read the uncanny accuracy with which this book described my ex-boyfriend--the things he did and said, his habits and behaviors. It was as though the authors had eavesdropped on us. In Narcissistic Lovers, I found the truth and it set me free indeed.

It amazes me to see that even in the psychopathy of personality disorders, human beings are still creatures of habit. As nuts as the narcissist's behavior is, it is consistent from one narcissist to the next, whether the narcissist is male or female, regardless of economic, social, racial, or educational backgrounds. This is good news for those of us who have fallen victim to these predators; without consistency, their behavior couldn't be classified and we'd never know what hit us.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who was drained by a lover who did his evil and then simply waltzed off, leaving you to sweep up the dust of your desiccated self-esteem. Read this book, replenish, recover, and know that what ails the NPD wasn't your fault, although he no doubt blamed everything on you whenever you voiced any discontent.

Most books on narcissism focus on the narcissistic parent. If you were romantically involved with a narcissist, this book speaks directly to your pain. Make it your bible for recovery from the NPD and move on with your life. It should be recommended reading for anyone who dates these days, as narcissism is rampant in our culture and only appears to be getting worse. Get educated and protect yourself from these real-life vampires. Narcissistic Lovers also gives online support resources and a bibliography of books that address how to deal with your (perhaps) propensity for NPDs. Even if you trust your instincts and drop these losers the first time they harm you, you may find it fascinating (as I did) to learn about narcissism and the various other personality disorders that are on the rise.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful book!, March 1, 2008

By	Sunny Beech (Carolinas) - See all my reviews

This book is awesome. Totally helped me turn the corner after being involved with an NPD for five months and unceremoniously dumped overnight when I wanted to be inter-dependent and not co-dependent, when I wouldn't continue to be "supply." I was stunned. I thought we were actually having a real relationship. This book made me face the fact that the only real relationship a narcissist has is with his false self and God forbid you get in the way of that. If you dare to hang on to your real self and stand up to an NPD, prepare to be tossed aside. They only want "relationships" with people they can control and who will stay on their knees, prostrating themselves to the almighty narcissist. Read this book and get away! Once you're away from the narcissist, STAY AWAY. Totally follow their advice to have no contact or you will regret it deeply.