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76 of 76 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
The Dark Side of Understanding Human Relations..., August 4, 2006
This review is from: Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level (Paperback)
Wow! That's what I have to say about this book, after having been raised in the Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and Maxwell's "21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership" School of human relations. That school of thought prescribes that you treat others with respect and dignity, expect the best of others, protect others, and lead through positive example. What lead me to this book is not everyone responds to the above, and whenever I encountered deception, insincerity, or deceit, I always assumed it was a result of my personal leadership shortcomings. After reading this book, I think I've experienced my share of invalidators, both those I've worked for, and subordinates (who attempt to use the invalidation techniques described in the book to subtly manipulate). And in retrospect, I've probably been guilty of some of the invalidation techniques described in the book. Just as Carter states in the book that some people have personality disorders, and some people are criminals AND have personality disorders (i.e. the former doesn't excuse the latter), he also makes the distinction of those who unintentionally slip into invalidation behavior, and those who are hardcore, guilt-free INVALIDATORS. BOTTOMLINE: I'd highly recommend this book to anyone trying to understand others, whether for leadership or just to improve personal relations. It's a quick read and Carter's writing style is engaging and entertaining while remaining of topic.
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100 of 115 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
It's not that great, January 29, 2004
This review is from: Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level (Paperback)
I bought this book at a store on a whim because I wanted to learn more techniques for dealing with "Nasty People." Instead, it was a book that identified "invalidators" over and over and over. The only definition that I'm left with is: Invalidators are people who make you feel bad. I don't see why there had to be pages upon pages of defining people who, basically, make you feel bad. Especially since, it only takes one sentence. I was looking for practical examples and suggestions on dealing with nasty people and instead I found an author who seems to have written a vendetta against anyone that has made him feel bad or question himself. I don't care about an author's problems--I do care about an informed person who has tried and true ways of dealing with nasty people. The last chapter has SOME examples and ways to deal with nasty people, but he says it's up to the reader to find his (or her) own ways. O.K., well then, why did I buy your book? I did give this book two stars because it was an easy read and helped to identify "invalidators." A suggestion to the author: Rename your book to "Nasty People: How to identify them and gain some knowledge in finding ways to deal with them." The most disturbing thing about this book is the amount of glorious reviews it has here. In my opinion, it isn't good and I warn readers that you won't be buying a book on how to deal with nasty people, but how to identify them. I suggest that a potential customer shop around on Amazon more before considering buying this book.
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32 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Not just for victims!, May 16, 2006
Most the reviews on this site say things like "now I know all those mean people suck and I am a poor victim - thanks Jay" I would, however, like to thank the author of this book for pointing out that I am mean. Sure other people in my life are mean to me and control me, but I already knew that now didn't I. What this book taught me is that meaness is a circle; and I am in it constantly. I have to be the change I want to see in others. To meet mean with mean is well... just a nasty situation. So thank you Jay for giving me something to consider before making the choice to invalidate others. I can now change the world, because I can recongize and change me and my behavior. I have found this very book to be a good way of dealing with mean people I love. If the oportunity arises, I give them a copy. I believe that most people are good people with bad habits. This book gives them a way to understand a highly misunderstood but very common bad habit. I have had very positive results giving this book away. So go get a few copies and give them to your dearest "invalidators". (PS. read the book yourself first)
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