Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them Without Becoming One of Them (Bestselling Author Jay Carter Helps Reader Break Away from T) [Paperback]

Jay Carter (Author)

Book Description

Series: Bestselling Author Jay Carter Helps Reader Break Away from T | Publication Date: April 1, 1989

How to spot and conquer nasty behavior. Learn the secrets of handling these people by using everything from humor to confrontation.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Surefire methods to neutralize the nasty people in your life

Have you been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by a nasty person? Perhaps it's your boss, your parent, or your spouse. Whoever it is, he or she is an invalidator who feeds on your self-esteem, mental anguish, and unhappiness. But you can stop this cycle of abuse and put an end to sneak attacks on your soul--without resorting to nasty tactics.

In this updated bestselling guide to staying sane while dealing with difficult people, Jay Carter, Psy.D., calls upon decades of practice and observation to offer proven strategies for avoiding toxic relationships. With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Dr. Carter gives you the surefire tricks and techniques you need to:

• Identify the invalidators in your life
• Protect your sanity
• Use humor to get out of the blame game
• Conquer self-doubt
• Stop invalidating yourself
• Confront emotional bullies
• See the bigger picture
• Reclaim the captain's seat of your soul

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

About the Author

Jay Carter, Phsy.D., DAPBS, is a psychologist who has treated couples and women for decades. The bestselling author of Nasty Men and Nasty Women, and a sought-after motivational speaker, Dr. Carter has made numerous appearances both nationally and internationally. He has also been a guest on "Larry King Live" and "The Montel Williams Show."

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 96 pages
• Publisher: Contemporary Books (April 1, 1989)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0809244063
• ISBN-13: 978-0809244065
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.4 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (74 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #279,733 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

75 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Dark Side of Understanding Human Relations..., August 4, 2006

By 

Mark "Bottom line only please..." (Raleigh, NC) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level (Paperback)

Wow! That's what I have to say about this book, after having been raised in the Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and Maxwell's "21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership" School of human relations. That school of thought prescribes that you treat others with respect and dignity, expect the best of others, protect others, and lead through positive example.

What lead me to this book is not everyone responds to the above, and whenever I encountered deception, insincerity, or deceit, I always assumed it was a result of my personal leadership shortcomings.

After reading this book, I think I've experienced my share of invalidators, both those I've worked for, and subordinates (who attempt to use the invalidation techniques described in the book to subtly manipulate). And in retrospect, I've probably been guilty of some of the invalidation techniques described in the book.

Just as Carter states in the book that some people have personality disorders, and some people are criminals AND have personality disorders (i.e. the former doesn't excuse the latter), he also makes the distinction of those who unintentionally slip into invalidation behavior, and those who are hardcore, guilt-free INVALIDATORS.

BOTTOMLINE: I'd highly recommend this book to anyone trying to understand others, whether for leadership or just to improve personal relations. It's a quick read and Carter's writing style is engaging and entertaining while remaining of topic.

99 of 113 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars It's not that great, January 29, 2004

By 

hellequin "hellequin" (novi area, mi United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level (Paperback)

I bought this book at a store on a whim because I wanted to learn more techniques for dealing with "Nasty People." Instead, it was a book that identified "invalidators" over and over and over. The only definition that I'm left with is: Invalidators are people who make you feel bad. I don't see why there had to be pages upon pages of defining people who, basically, make you feel bad. Especially since, it only takes one sentence.

I was looking for practical examples and suggestions on dealing with nasty people and instead I found an author who seems to have written a vendetta against anyone that has made him feel bad or question himself. I don't care about an author's problems--I do care about an informed person who has tried and true ways of dealing with nasty people.

The last chapter has SOME examples and ways to deal with nasty people, but he says it's up to the reader to find his (or her) own ways. O.K., well then, why did I buy your book? I did give this book two stars because it was an easy read and helped to identify "invalidators."

A suggestion to the author: Rename your book to "Nasty People: How to identify them and gain some knowledge in finding ways to deal with them."

The most disturbing thing about this book is the amount of glorious reviews it has here. In my opinion, it isn't good and I warn readers that you won't be buying a book on how to deal with nasty people, but how to identify them. I suggest that a potential customer shop around on Amazon more before considering buying this book.

32 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not just for victims!, May 16, 2006

By 

Brant Peery (Twin Falls, ID) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them Without Becoming One of Them (Bestselling Author Jay Carter Helps Reader Break Away from T) (Paperback)

Most the reviews on this site say things like "now I know all those mean people suck and I am a poor victim - thanks Jay" I would, however, like to thank the author of this book for pointing out that I am mean. Sure other people in my life are mean to me and control me, but I already knew that now didn't I. What this book taught me is that meaness is a circle; and I am in it constantly. I have to be the change I want to see in others. To meet mean with mean is well... just a nasty situation. So thank you Jay for giving me something to consider before making the choice to invalidate others. I can now change the world, because I can recongize and change me and my behavior.
I have found this very book to be a good way of dealing with mean people I love. If the oportunity arises, I give them a copy. I believe that most people are good people with bad habits. This book gives them a way to understand a highly misunderstood but very common bad habit. I have had very positive results giving this book away. So go get a few copies and give them to your dearest "invalidators". (PS. read the book yourself first)