Customer Reviews

The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart

5 star:		(56)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart is refreshing, well written and full of important insight about parenthood and childhood. It's the kind of book that makes you think how different the world would be if everyone read it.
In her passionate and poignant collection of essays, Jan Hunt repeats this simple dictum often enough for it to become something of a mantra: "All children behave as well as they are treated". As mantras go, it's a pretty good one. It serves as an excellent reminder for the harried, outnumbered mother when a meltdown (hers or her child's) is imminent. It's also a bracing dose of truth for parents who have never questioned the conventional wisdom in which child rearing in our culture is mired.
This book is a marvelously validating read for anyone who has been accused of "spoiling" his or her children by responding to their cries too quickly or too frequently, favoring creative conflict resolution over punishments, or who is struggling to swim against the tide of mainstream parenting "rules".
Hunt presents a grounded, well-researched case for a return to the age-old methods of parenting that are now called "empathic" or "attachment" style. Citing sources that range from anthropologist Jean Liedloff and pediatrician Dr. William Sears to the Book of Corinthians and the European Charter of Children's Rights, Hunt addresses the challenges of raising children with respect and compassion in a society where childhood is often viewed as a noisome aberration that must be quelled at all costs.
The book contains several of Hunt's more well known essays, including "A Baby Cries: How Should Parents Respond?", "Ten Reasons to Respond to a Crying Child", and a personal favorite of mine, "Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children". Hunt is at her best in the latter, writing simply and eloquently of parents' unrealistic expectations and of the hurtful result of criticism and mistrust. "We forget what it was like to be a child and expect our children to act like adults instead of acting their age," she writes. "A healthy child will have a short attention span, and be rambunctious, noisy, and emotionally expressive." It's the kind of essay that you want to post in every pediatrician's office, portrait studio, toy store, mommy-and-me classroom, and anywhere else young children are fidgeting.
Hunt also gives, in essays such as "Ten Tips for Shopping With Children", "Ten Alternatives to Punishment", and "Intervening on Behalf of a Child in a Public Place" some concrete advice for meeting the daily challenges of supermarkets, playgrounds, and sibling rivalries. There are some helpful alternatives to the ideas and methods found in mainstream parenting magazines. Hunt gives outstanding, off-the-beaten-path sources for parenting information and excellent advice.

If the Quaker prophet John Woolman were alive today, and contemplating parenting issues, this is the book he would have written. Hunt's thesis is simple: a happy childhood lasts forever, and every child is no less a human being than we are, and must be treated as such. Adults behave as well as they are treated, and the same holds true for children. Adults generally do not improve their behavior when they are insulted, criticized, threatened, publicly humiliated, or beaten; or in the rare instances when they do so, the costs in fearfulness, anger, and resentment are extraordinarily high.

Fortunately, argues Hunt eloquently, the seed of how to be with children is implanted within us. If we listen hard enough, the direction of how to act toward a child comes naturally. Crying, for example, is a signal provided by nature meant to disturb parents so they can seek out the causes of the child's distress.

The Natural Child offers a consistent and compelling approach to raising a loving, trusting, and confident child, without resort to coercion or manipulation, simply by following the Parenting Golden Rule: "Treat your child as you would like to be treated if you were in the same position." This book is a must for every public and church library, and the perfect gift for the individual or couple expecting the arrival of their first "distinguished visitors".

The subtitle of Jan Hunt's new book is "Parenting from the heart." With equal truth it could be subtitled "Parenting that respects children." How strange that such a gentle motto sounds radical... almost revolutionary. In the words of the Seneca elder Grandmother Twylah Nitsch, "In Native culture, children are regarded as teachers because they have not yet had any experience of having their truth and their trust chipped away by people who want to control them." Jan Hunt celebrates the power of trust and respect, freely extended to children from birth onwards. Her goal is nothing less than the ending of all forms of child abuse, and the creation of a world where children can grow into adulthood with their inborn capacities for love and learning still intact. Her book is friendly, practical, and filled with powerful ideas expressed in simple and direct style, well supported by evidence that these ideas really work. The Natural Child shows that "parenting from the heart" is not a burden but a joy and privilege.

I'm a firm believer in attachment parenting and gentle discipline. My children have been breastfed and coslept as babies. However, I believe some of Jan's views on mainstream parenting are a bit too offensive. To say that a child who attends public school is more likely to end up in prison or a breastfed baby that is weaned by his mother may end up as an alcoholic 20 years later is ridiculous. Even her views as cribs as "lonely cages" is too extreme for my taste, and I have co-slept with my children.

I did learn a few things from this book so I hesitate to not recommend it, but I have found more helpful books out there that don't make me feel like I'm a bad parent for not following it exactly. Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and Playful Parenting are my all time favorites.

This book is written in a direct, straight forward style that brings clarity and logic to the issues this author addresses. She does an excellent job of outlining natural goals, e.g. developing esteem, originality, individuality and confidence.

While there is no one answer and no "one size that fits all," Jan Hunt applies good old common sense and advocates people to trust their own beliefs and to recognize the individual needs that their children have.

The "natural" parenting aspect comes into play by shedding preconceived ideas; rejecting faddish treatments and dancing to any tune a degreed expert might call. The salient points in this book are the ones about keeping an open heart and an open mind and being willing to recognize one's children's needs without being judgmental or subjecting children to inappropriate professional treatments. Jan Hunt is a sensible, logical person who really is a natural expert.

I am a clinical psychologist with a lot of experience working with families and parenting issues, and I have seldom read a book with as much profound insight and practical value as "The Natural Child." It is one of those rare books which is transformational in nature. If only parents dealing with complicated and unfortunate difficulties with older children could have read this book before they got started - I might be out of a job. In a marvelously clear, respectful, and direct fashion the author brings to light the simple, common sense principle(s) and practices for helping children grow with a strong sense of inner worth, dynamic creativity, and solid inner happiness, all characteristics of those rare and exceptional individuals Abraham Maslow refers to as "self-actualized."
How do happy, productive, and caring individuals get that way? What is the principle? In its most elementary form the author asserts it is nothing other than the wisdom of the Golden Rule itself applied to our most important responsibility - helping our children realize their full dynamic and creative potential - helping them grow with an unshakable appreciation for the magnificent miracle that human life truly is. Indeed, this is what all parents want.
It's a matter of gold or garbage. The heart of an impressionable newborn is like an empty emotional vessel, completely innocent and fully magnificent in its potential, but containing as yet no emotional resentments, no disturbance, and no negative patterns or destructive pathologies resorted to in later years to try and cope with an inner sense of "something missing" or with unconscious emotional scars. These diversions happen, (you name it - addictions, crime, emotional disorders, and so on... ), when the experience of being fully loved as a child is found in some way to be less than it should have been. These inner, emotional patterns and realities are the ones that get fixed first in life and are the deepest - the ones most powerful in terms of influencing behavior and experience throughout the remainder of life. When little hearts are filled with gold, gold is what you get. Filled with garbage, garbage is what you get.
According to the author, the gold is meeting the real and legitimate needs of children, as nature intended - the vital need for unconditional love which encompasses all the following: having a child's innate desire to live and do right be trusted, the experience of full joyousness with life, the freedom to explore interests, a strong sense of individual worth, loving and positive interaction with parents and others, and the right nourishment, both physical and emotional. The garbage is anything less than that, all the "half-truths" and often confusing alternatives. Unfortunately, in today's society, the garbage is too often mistaken for the gold.
For example, many today still believe that some form of punishment is necessary to create good values and behavior. Some think it gold, but what an unfortunate fallacy. The author explains this so clearly that given a little honesty and open-mindedness it can't be missed. "Punishment, threats, and humiliation never achieve long-term goals because they provoke anger, create resentment, and diminish the bond between parent and child." The author offers practical and growth-oriented alternatives - what to do instead. Again, some believe that allowing infants to "cry it out" is gold because it develops character or some such thing - but it is fools gold only. "In all innocence, a baby assumes that we, her parents, are correct -whatever we do is what we ought to be doing. If we do nothing, the baby can only conclude that she is unloved because she is unlovable." Again, practical and healthy alternatives are provided. Or, that co-sleeping with your children has inherent risks, isn't right somehow, or may spoil an infant. However, "Cribs force babies to face the long night alone years before they are psychologically equipped to do so. Isolation teaches harmful messages of mistrust, forced "co-operation" through despair, and instills a deep sense of loneliness that no teddy bear can fulfill." Again, all the initial doubts and practical considerations about family co-sleeping are covered. And these are only examples.
The remarkable value of this book lies in its ability to shed light on and reinforce much of what already exists in the heart of the parent, but may not be clear enough to act upon. In this sense, her work truly advocates perfectly "natural" parenting, freeing parents from societal misconceptions and expectations and pointing the way for parenting to be a process guided by the deepest levels of one's own heart. It dispels the confusion about what full and unconditional love is and really means, and provides abundant practical advice on how to hold that wholly vital principle as the only viable principle for raising happy children - real, genuine, and brilliantly glowing gold.
I'm not just recommending this book. I implore you to read it and share what you gained with those young or expecting families you care about. In a world which in many ways has signs for hope, this book is ahead of its time. It is the parenting of an enlightened future. It ought to be required reading in school. On the five star system provided, I give "The Natural Child" a full ten stars.
I should also mention that the author, Jan Hunt, offers telephone counseling and maintains a comprehensive and highly respected website. See "The Natural Child Project." It contains a wealth of excellent information and articles from a variety of relevant authors.

Our little family has benefited tremendously from this book. The author brings to light in such simple and straightforward language every child's legitimate need for an intimate and loving presence and loving, natural caregiving. If only all children could have the opportunity to grow up with solid and joyous emotional health, what a difference it would make in the world! In fact, this should be the birthright of every child. This book is a real eye-opener and could revolutionize the way we understand and practice parenting. So many beautiful insights and suggestions! Thank you, Jan Hunt.

Jan Hunt's 'The Natural Child' is a timely and important classic belonging to a trend towards more compassionate, respectful and scientifically-informed parenting. First and foremost, it is a well-researched and authoritative text. Further, it is refreshingly simple and easy to digest, making it an inviting read. What I particularly loved about this book is that Jan Hunt is not afraid to challenge myths and misconceptions, and to confront commonly held negative attitudes towards children. This book is passionately written in advocacy of children's rights and their developmental needs. It exudes an uncompromising respect for children's dignity. My favourite section is the one about 'The Hidden Messages We Give Our Children'. In a delightfully humorous tone, this section challenges us to take a good look at ourselves as parents; the mixed messages we unconsciously give our children, and the painful double-binds this places them in. There is much we can all learn from these pages. I give this book a big thumbs-up.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Jan!

This book has changed my life.
Having read literally hundreds of books, magazines and articles about AP/Gentle Discipline, I still didn`t know exactly HOW to treat my child. I knew what NOT to do, but not what to do instead.

The Natural Child changed that.
The Natural Child gives lots of examples on how to treat your child as respectful as possible.

This book shows you what should be obvious to us all: That we are all ecually worthy of respect, love and a second chance.

There isn`t much more I can say. This book deserves to be read. By every parent out there.

Every child in the world deserves to be treated like Jan Hunt wants us to treat our children.

If I could, I would give The Natural Child six stars for being a much-needed model of what it looks like to treat children with love, trust, compassion, and respect from infancy to adulthood. I have read more parenting books than I can count, and this book is one of the precious few that focus on treating children with respect and meeting their needs, rather than on controlling children's behavior.

The most important parenting guidance I found in this inspiring book is Jan Hunt's Parenting Golden Rule: "Treat your children as you would like to be treated in the same position." If we follow this one rule, we can trust ourselves to know how to respond to children's behavior.

As I am an attachment parent, and a homeschooling parent,The Natural Child provided me with inspiration and validation for the parenting path I have chosen. Thank you, Jan Hunt, for witing The Natural Child. It is a gift to parents and children.