Everyone gets a little sad now and then; it's just part of life. But when I'm feeling angsty and emo, I don't want to wallow in it, or find the cure at the bottom of six pints of Cherry Garcia. Nor am I interested in paying some guy three bills an hour to lie on his couch and debate whether his ink blot collection resembles Russell Brand Chia pets or my mother's wahooga.
I figured there had to be a quick fix pick-me-up, somewhere in all of the products that Amazon sells.
I read once that the key to happiness is a balanced aura. I think it was on the back of a cereal box. Patchouli-Os, maybe, or the one with Hemp, Crackle and Pop.
Anyway, this product seemed like a quick and easy way to adjust the old chi, without any pesky yoga or meditating or tantric tie-dye sessions. But I wasn't exactly sure how to apply it. First, I tried spraying it all over and rubbing it in, like some kind of cosmic Deep Woods Off. But I didn't feel any better; just a little sticky.
So I tried 'spritzing' it, and walking through it like a perfume or cologne. But that didn't help, either. Maybe my aura needed a heavier coating, or the ceiling fan just slapped the mist all around the room. Finally, I tried applying internally, like a hit of Binaca. It tasted like barefoot and out-of-work hacky sacks. I don't know if that means it's working, but I suddenly have the urge to grow a soul patch and burn incense. I guess you could call that... 'progress'?