Customer Reviews

The Natural Laws of Good Luck: A Memoir of an Unlikely Marriage

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I spent hours in one of those massive bookstores in a God forsaken place (I'm waiting for an Amazon order) trying to pull out something good to read. Blah, blah, blah. Then I picked up this book and I knew quickly that it was going to hold my interest and probably be a treasure: I was right.

I'm around the author's age and I've been divorced forever, so I was interested to see what another woman dealt the same hand is up to. Wow, you can't imagine. For starters, Ellen Graf was living an interesting life when she was single: she has a handful of children with unusual names and she raised them in an old farmhouse in upstate New York, and she's an artist. The author is unusually perceptive and her descriptions of nature, including people, are delicious. Graf's skill at capturing dialog is breathtaking, and her timing is flawless: the book is funny. Reading it is a vicarious and wild ride through the experience of marrying a barely known man from China. There's also a lot of depth to the book in considering China's history and our cultural differences.

"The Natural Laws of Good Luck" is a beautiful testimony to the endurance of the human spirit. It's about love, not platitudes, but the real nitty-gritty stuff. I applaud the couple's determination to forge a life together and Graf's skill in sharing it with us. (Maybe fish do need bicycles).

There is so much to this fascinating story, and unlike another reviewer, I found it to be well-ordered and spellbinding. I hope it becomes a best seller, because it deserves to be. I won't forget this one.

I loved this book, tangents and all.

What Ellen wanted was someone to share her life: someone with whom to watch the circling hawk, the setting sun -- someone to help her with her ramshackle farmhouse. She imagined a man with "a sweet and burly personality, and he came over after work in his tight, dirty blue jeans. He was wily and strong and always smiling. He would swing me up over his head, I would bubble with laughter, and then we would fix stuff."

This is the story of the man she got -- a stoic survivor of China's Cultural Revolution, a man who spoke almost no English, who in the beginning broke far more things than he fixed, but the man with whom she fell in love and began slowly to piece together a life.

Romantic, practical, and maddeningly impractical by turns -- the story of Ellen and Zhong-hua is, in the end, a love story and a lesson in acceptance. I loved the poetic descriptions, the wry humor, the philosophical insights, and the down-the-rabbit-hole quality of the entire adventure that is the marriage of these two amazing people.

I really liked this book. It took me a few minutes to get used to the author's voice, which was a little unconventional, but by the time I got to the meat of the book -- the bicultural differences between her and her husband -- I was enjoying myself. The author is excellent at capturing Zhong-hua's sometimes hilarious, sometimes insightful fractured English and his philosophical worldview, which he developed after years of suffering under Chairman Mao. I thought a number of his aphorisms and thoughts were wonderful ways to deal with stress. Also, I think most people would find this book relatable - who hasn't sometimes been stunned by the differences between husband and wife in a marriage?

Funny, tender, wise, unprejudiced and unsentimental: a brilliant combination of the most hilarious slapstick and the deepest wisdom.

By turning herself and her Chinese husband, and all the cultural misunderstandings between them, into a comedy of errors, Ellen Graf questions the prejudices, assumptions and conventions that we all rely on.

I squealed with laughter throughout the book.

I almost never write reviews and I'm a prolific reader, but this book has inspired me. First of all, its downright hilarious. The way Zhong-Hua says and does things is so funny and interesting at once, you can see why Ellen-ah puts up with some of the crazy things he does. I also admire her unwavering support. She has to deal with financial difficulties, serious illness, cultural differences, and she just makes the best of it. Reading how she takes it all in stride inspires me to be a better wife. Finally, Zhong-Hua's work ethic, ability to hustle and do whatever it takes to make money, no matter how menial the job is amazing. They are both amazing people and I hope she writes a sequel!

What a wonderful book! I am about half way through it right now and simply love the humor, cultural insight, and tender love story wrapped into one. It is one of the best books I have read in a while. It's also interesting since it's a memoir. I would definitley recommend this book!! Cant wait to see whats next in the book.

Ellen is forty-six, divorced and lonely, so she doesn't resist when her Chinese friend suggests maybe Ellen and her brother, Zhong-hua, might like each other. But first Ellen must travel to China to meet him - a man who speaks almost no English. Surprisingly, Ellen and Zhong-hua get along and agree to marry. After processing his immigration paperwork, he finally arrives in upstate New York, where they live in Ellen's house. Now the fun begins, as Ellen realizes Zhong-hua operates by a whole different cultural standard than she's used to.

Zhong-hua believes that a man doesn't need to let his wife know where he is going, and disappears frequently. This might not be such a bad thing, ordinarily, except Zhong-hua gets lost easily, and still doesn't speak much English. He also doesn't think it's necessary to apologize, offer greetings, or do any of the other niceties Ellen expects from a husband. In fact, bumping into her is considered a form of affection.

The house falls into disrepair, several cars and various pieces of machinery meet their ends, and both of their old dogs grow feeble. But when Zhong-hua's health takes a scary turn, these two mismatched lovers pull together to try to make the best of things.

Although this memoir is touted as being humorous, I found The Natural Laws of Good Luck incredibly touching. Ellen shows remarkable patience with her culturally inept husband, and gives in to his many demands with good grace. Living in a foreign country is hard on Zhong-hua, and Ellen allows for his comfort, even if at times it conflicts with her own. Both strive to be loving and make their marriage work, and it's encouraging to see them look past their shortcomings to see the good in each other. I highly recommend this wonderfully sweet love story.

Reviewer: Alice Berger

If you've read this blog for very long you know I read a lot of non-fiction, mostly memoirs. For the most part, I really enjoy them. I enjoy learning about other people lives and experiences, especially from other cultures. So, The Natural Laws of Good Luck sounded like a wonderful book, but it didn't quite deliver like I'd expected.

Zhong-Hua was a kick. I admired his courage in coming to an unknown country without knowing the language or customs. And, as you'd expect, this brought about some funny and unexpected stories. I particularly liked the parts about the differences between the cultures and how misunderstandings could easily come about because of it.

What I found a little lacking was the writing. Maybe the style just didn't work for me, but I found it a bit unfocused and rambling at times. I also prefer memoirs, for the most part, to be in chronological order. Natural Laws was close, but there were also some tangents that I couldn't tell where exactly they fit. This is a fairly short book but it took me well over a week to finish. All of the tangents in the story just didn't hold my attention.

This is a story full of laughter, love and true life! I enjoyed reading Ellen's memoir. American women married to adult immigrant partners will likely relate!

The Art of Getting Well: Maximizing Health and Well-being When You Have a Chronic Illness
Ellen Graf has an amazing story to tell, and she tells it with grace. In her 40s, she married a man from China, a match arranged by her new sister-in-law, who told her "alone no good." When her husband Lu Zhong-hua comes to upstate New York, he has to fit into a new country, while Graf needs to fit into a new family.

The story of creating this new family and making a living as artists, laborers, and teachers takes entertaining and frightening turns. One challenge for Graf is connecting with her spoiled step-daughter. Another is coping with silence - she discovers that the Chinese concept of marriage doesn't include small talk, routine pleasantries, or even "hello" and "goodbye". Money is a constant worry. Will Zhong-hua, an experienced business manager, painter, and Tai Chi teacher in China, be able to work even a convenience store job in the U.S.?

Crises keep happening - a terrible illness, their house burning down. Somehow they make things work. Graf learns that, as her husband says, most people are good, and things will work out if you give them time. It's a message of hope.

The author writes about the natural world in her small town / rural area. We read lovely descriptions of birds, snakes, trees, and people, and how living with nature helps people heal. She also has a great sense of humor, which she clearly needed to get through the acculturation phase of her marriage.

We get to know the couple's relatives, neighbors, and associates. Several characters are so well drawn that you feel you are looking right at them.

Ellen and Zhong-hua are like some of the great couples of literature, and they're real people. They're not idealized or romanticized; you can see their weaknesses and quirks as well as their wonderful humanity and strength. This "memoir of an unlikely marriage" is an equally remarkable accomplishment.