Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options [Paperback]

Melissa Ford (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 5, 2009

Author of the extremely successful blog Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters, Melissa Ford presents readers with a guide for navigating the complex world of infertility. The Land of If got its name not only because “IF” is the abbreviation for “infertility” in the online world, but also because there are so many “ifs” inherent in being here. No stranger to the Land of If herself, Ford shares her hard-earned knowledge and insights, helping couples struggling with infertility understand the lingo, learn the details doctors tend to leave out, and keep their emotional sanity despite seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Navigating the Land of If gives the nitty-gritty on injections, rejections, biting your tongue during happy parent-to-be conversations, and trying not to cry over baby shower invitations. With chapters that include how-to’s for same-sex couples, and present adoption or remaining child-free as plausible alternatives, Ford tells you exactly what you need to know, from one infertile to another.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"[Navigating the Land of If] aims to help couples understand fertility lingo and stay sane while going through the process. Ford writes a blog, Stirrup Queens. She lives with her husband and twins, a boy and girl, born after fertility treatments."
—Newsday

"Solutions [covered in Navigating the Land of If] range from having fertility treatment, using donor gametes, surrogacy, adoption and living child-free. The "IF" in the title of the book not only is connected to the online definition for infertility, but also refers to the notion that there are so many ifs involved in the problem, [Ford] writes in her book. “There are what ifs and if onlys and if this, then thats. …Being here is all about living in uncertainty and doubt and wonder and hope… "
—Jewish Weekly

Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Seal Press; Original edition (May 5, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580052622
• ISBN-13: 978-1580052627
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #321,269 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #94 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Disorders & Diseases > Infertility

More About the Author

Melissa Ford is the author of the blog, Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.com). She is also a contributing editor at BlogHer. She received her MFA in creative writing from the University of Massachusetts--Amherst. You can find her on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/MelissaFordAuthor). She lives with her twins and writer husband, Josh.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I wish I had this book 10 years ago, July 3, 2009

By 

loribeth (Ontario Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options (Paperback)

I probably brought a slightly different perspective to reading this book than many readers. My infertility journey ended several years ago when my husband & I made the painful decision to abandon infertility treatments & live childless/free. It's been a long time since I cracked open a guide to infertility, and in fact, I have given away most of the ones I had in my collection.

However -- the shadow of infertility & loss continue to hover over my life, which is why, even after all these years, I continue to read books, articles & blogs about it -- including Mel's blog, Stirrup Queens, which I love. She is a great support for those of us in the ALI (adoption, loss & infertility) community, and so I was keen to read her book.

Even though I found some sections more interesting/applicable than others (as I'm sure most readers did, or will), I loved the book, and I wish it had been around when I was going through treatment. Most infertility guides that I've read tend to be a tad clinical. Not this book. The tone is that of a slightly older/wiser girlfriend who'd already been there/done that and is filling you in on what to expect when you're NOT expecting and trying to do something about it.

It's a book I would definitely recommend to anyone going through infertility. It would also be fabulous to read if you're a fertile person hoping to gain some insight into what a friend or family member is going through and how you can best support them.

Because my husband & I wound up living without children, I was particularly interested in what Melissa would have to say on the subject, and went straight for the chapter on childfree living first. Very few books on infertility say much about the childless/free option beyond a few paragraphs -- so I'm always interested to see how the subject is covered in any new IF book that I come across.

I'm happy to say she more than did the subject justice. The whole concept of "choosing" to live childless/free is one that many women in my shoes struggle with, but Melissa makes the valid point that, rather than accepting the childfree option as a "default," you have to take an active role in carving out your future.

Melissa covered many aspects of living childfree. She makes a point of distinguishing between living childfree by choice and childfree after infertility, and also between taking a break and actually choosing to live childfree. She suggests a trial period (something an infertility counsellor recommended to my husband & me). She talks about how the childfree are frequently made to justify their choice (so true), and what happens when one partner wants to live childfree and the other doesn't.

I also learned a lot about other aspects of the infertility journey. And oh, to have had Melissa's list of comebacks to unthinking friends & relatives 10 years ago...!

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Informative and heartfelt, May 3, 2009

By 

R. Golden "Rose" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options (Paperback)

Where to begin? Medically, this book is painstakingly accurate. Emotionally, Ms. Ford took such care in covering the many emotional pitfalls of dealing with infertility. Reading this book sometimes felt like sitting with a close friend whose shoulder you could cry on, and she would ALWAYS say the right thing. If you're dealing with infertility, one thing I can promise you is that this book will make you feel less alone.

A big thank you to the ultimate Stirrup Queen!

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good, not great for unexplained repeat miscarriage, January 4, 2010

By 

Chyckadee - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options (Paperback)

I'm a long-time blog reader of a number of infertility blogs. I happily bought this book for my sister, who was undergoing treatment for repeat miscarriage (RM). Perhaps the hype from the blogosphere built it up too much.

The pluses- it is a handy overview if you're new to the world of infertility, better for those who have trouble getting pregnant than those who struggle to stay pregnant.

The minuses- Her advice about generally trying not to worry when you do get pregnant is at best insensitive for those with RM. And also inaccurate. If you've had 3 miscarriages, and you're over 30, - your chances of another miscarriage are pretty high. She also repeats some irritating misinformation commonly thrown around in the popular press. There is nothing magic about age 35 where fertility suddenly drops off and risk of downs syndrome spikes. Its a steady change over time.

While these issues may seem petty, i'd posit they are no more petty than a number of the issues she is very sensitive and thorough about.