Customer Reviews

Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options

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I probably brought a slightly different perspective to reading this book than many readers. My infertility journey ended several years ago when my husband & I made the painful decision to abandon infertility treatments & live childless/free. It's been a long time since I cracked open a guide to infertility, and in fact, I have given away most of the ones I had in my collection.

However -- the shadow of infertility & loss continue to hover over my life, which is why, even after all these years, I continue to read books, articles & blogs about it -- including Mel's blog, Stirrup Queens, which I love. She is a great support for those of us in the ALI (adoption, loss & infertility) community, and so I was keen to read her book.

Even though I found some sections more interesting/applicable than others (as I'm sure most readers did, or will), I loved the book, and I wish it had been around when I was going through treatment. Most infertility guides that I've read tend to be a tad clinical. Not this book. The tone is that of a slightly older/wiser girlfriend who'd already been there/done that and is filling you in on what to expect when you're NOT expecting and trying to do something about it.

It's a book I would definitely recommend to anyone going through infertility. It would also be fabulous to read if you're a fertile person hoping to gain some insight into what a friend or family member is going through and how you can best support them.

Because my husband & I wound up living without children, I was particularly interested in what Melissa would have to say on the subject, and went straight for the chapter on childfree living first. Very few books on infertility say much about the childless/free option beyond a few paragraphs -- so I'm always interested to see how the subject is covered in any new IF book that I come across.

I'm happy to say she more than did the subject justice. The whole concept of "choosing" to live childless/free is one that many women in my shoes struggle with, but Melissa makes the valid point that, rather than accepting the childfree option as a "default," you have to take an active role in carving out your future.

Melissa covered many aspects of living childfree. She makes a point of distinguishing between living childfree by choice and childfree after infertility, and also between taking a break and actually choosing to live childfree. She suggests a trial period (something an infertility counsellor recommended to my husband & me). She talks about how the childfree are frequently made to justify their choice (so true), and what happens when one partner wants to live childfree and the other doesn't.

I also learned a lot about other aspects of the infertility journey. And oh, to have had Melissa's list of comebacks to unthinking friends & relatives 10 years ago...!

Where to begin? Medically, this book is painstakingly accurate. Emotionally, Ms. Ford took such care in covering the many emotional pitfalls of dealing with infertility. Reading this book sometimes felt like sitting with a close friend whose shoulder you could cry on, and she would ALWAYS say the right thing. If you're dealing with infertility, one thing I can promise you is that this book will make you feel less alone.

A big thank you to the ultimate Stirrup Queen!

I'm a long-time blog reader of a number of infertility blogs. I happily bought this book for my sister, who was undergoing treatment for repeat miscarriage (RM). Perhaps the hype from the blogosphere built it up too much.

The pluses- it is a handy overview if you're new to the world of infertility, better for those who have trouble getting pregnant than those who struggle to stay pregnant.

The minuses- Her advice about generally trying not to worry when you do get pregnant is at best insensitive for those with RM. And also inaccurate. If you've had 3 miscarriages, and you're over 30, - your chances of another miscarriage are pretty high. She also repeats some irritating misinformation commonly thrown around in the popular press. There is nothing magic about age 35 where fertility suddenly drops off and risk of downs syndrome spikes. Its a steady change over time.

While these issues may seem petty, i'd posit they are no more petty than a number of the issues she is very sensitive and thorough about.

As someone recently diagnosed with infertility and struggling to make sense of it all, Melissa Ford's book has been indispensable as a guide to chart these very unfamiliar waters. Her style is compassionate and at times appropriately jaded, but in a sense that provokes the reader to be their own advocate as opposed to scaring them off. As readers, we do benefit from her trial-and-error experiences.

The information is fresh, up-to-date, and very useful for the newly diagnosed. While a good portion of the book focuses on the nitty-gritty about injectables and IVF protocol, there is a good amount of emotional counseling and support advice.

I highly recommend this to friends and family members of couples struggling with infertility- this is perhaps one of the most honest insider's guides to the entire experience that will allow you to appreciate and comprehend exactly what infertile women and couples experience on a day-to-day basis.

I got the book in the mail a few days ago. I have found it to be quite witty and informative of the ins and outs of the Land of IF.

It covered places other books may not have, such as conversations and when people give unwanted advice (Which as anyone might know, can be rather unpleasant all around.) I liked the three levels on reply she offers up, and examples for each.

While other's advice may be unwanted, her advice was quite sound. I'd definitely recommend this to others.

This is by far the best IF guidebook out there. Melissa Ford tells it to you straight, but also manages to be supportive and kind in dealing with such an emotional topic. I love that she is inclusive of every kind of IF as well as every possible solution. Melissa Ford is definitely the friend you want in your backpocket as you traverse the island of IF.

Whether you've just received an unwanted first class one way ticket to the Land of IF...or you're still hanging out on the island and wanting to learn about additional escape routes, this book will make a great companion on your journey.

This book was very well written, and I felt like a very compassionate friend was helping me through. It felt SO non-judgmental and inclusive, but without any of the annoying PC stuff. A lot of it is stuff I already had to struggle through, but it would have been a companion for Unsung Lullabies on my shelf had I had it earlier. I'm sure many will find lots of comfort and info between its covers. I like the realistic view of how cycles really go. No fluff here.

The pregnancy stuff now at the end is comforting to me as well and so were the recalls of Melissa's experiences. I always felt Uunsung Lullabies was missing that... a personal touch that helped you know the writers had been there with you. I also really liked the snarky aspect. It makes you feel like you weren't alone in some of those bitter feelings and shows that even someone as kind and inclusive as Melissa has been has had them. In short, it validates, and that's all any of us want. Well done.

This is The Book for anyone experiencing issues with family building--or for anyone who loves someone who is wrestling with these issues. Thorough, accurate, excellent. And funny and insightful too.

I am a loyal reader of Melissa Ford's blog, and I was thrilled to hear that she had written a book. Even though this is my second journey through infertility and I am reasonably familiar with the topic, I knew I could rely on Melissa for a comprehensive and truthful IF guide, marked with her wit and candor. I purchased it as a "refresher" before heading back to the RE for help conceiving another child, and it served its purpose well. Some of my favorite aspects: it covers the three main areas of IF (emotional/physical/financial) unlike previous books I have read that tackle only one; she cheers you on and makes you smile even while talking about poking yourself with needles; she breaks down the complex treatment options into readable sections so you can digeset the overview; the practical advice on handling comments from others and relationships with "fertiles"; and as she has been-there-done-that, she shares her own struggles that make the information feel like it's coming from a friend.

This book is very appropriately titled, as it is a the perfect guide to navigating the various intertwining aspects of IF. Well done.