The Nearly-Wed Handbook: How To Survive The Happiest Day Of Your Life [Hardcover]

Dan Zevin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2001

From the very beginning, you knew something was weird. On the first date, there were no awkward silences. No early warning signs of psychopathology on the second. By the third date, you were struck with a revelation: "We are actually having a third date!"

And now you're engaged! Together you've entered a strange new world of deranged caterers, militant photographers, and prima donna floristes. You lie awake each night pondering the Big Questions: "Sit-down or buffet?" "Band or DJ?" "Cash bar or open bar?" You find yourselves incapable of discussing anything non-nuptial, and you won't rest until you've registered for those perfect pewter grape scissors...

Are the two of you going nuts? No, you're just planning a wedding! And as you begin your new lives as Nearly-weds, keep one thing in mind: To have a successful marriage, all you need is trust, respect, and undying love. But to have a successful wedding, you'll need something a whole lot harder to sustain: a sense of humor. The Nearly-Wed Handbook will keep you laughing all the way down the aisle.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Humorist Dan Zevin--who adamantly insists that he "in no way" modeled his characters "Stan" and "Peg" after himself and his wife Meg--has compiled a belly-busting guide to the potential horrors of matrimonial planning. It's the perfect antidote for any engaged couple who has come to blows over the numerous and annoying details of planning their so-called perfect day.

Zevin offers much in the way of words of wisdom. He suggests an apt nickname for those stuck-up gift registry attendants: "cyborgs." He advises that for the benefit of the impending marriage, the groom's bachelor party should not include dalliances with women with names like Chestitty. He claims that if things progress the way they did for his "Peg," then each bride needs to allow for at least one gown fitting per pound of body weight. He also concedes that it's the bride who ultimately gets to pick where the reception will take place, so grooms should abandon all hope of influencing this decision.

Zevin's most ominous warning is that how no matter how career-oriented an engaged woman may be--even if she owns "four (4) briefcases" like Peg--she will be overcome by a giant force: her Inner Bride. This means she will suddenly and surreptitiously procure and pore through every 8,000-page issue of every bridal magazine possible. She'll make appointments at places like Madam Snootella's Bridal Boutique, where there's a 14-week wait for appointments, where the sales help reads Town and Country, and where the dresses all make her look like a giant piñata. Ladies, if you couldn't understand what exactly was happening to you, well, Zevin's demystified this scientific phenomenon that's worthy of being featured in an episode of In Search Of. And gentlemen, consider yourselves warned.

Beneath its humor, Zevin's book has a real message that should be well heeded by all Nearly-Weds: there's a difference between getting married ("You want to spend each and every moment together") and getting weddinged ("You spend each and every moment together trying to figure out which table senile Uncle Abe should sit at"). And remember, you can always elope. --Erica Jorgensen

Review

If you're caught up in the furor of planning a wedding, Nearly Wed could help you maintain a sense of humor long enough to at least have one. -- Entertainment Weekly, Erik Esckilsen

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 192 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1st edition (January 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0380975556
• ISBN-13: 978-0380975556
• Product Dimensions: 7 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,059,881 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Dan Zevin has a delightful voice, February 14, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Nearly-Wed Handbook: How To Survive The Happiest Day Of Your Life (Hardcover)

I didn't read the book but I heard the interview on NPR radio. Dan Zevin has a delightful voice and he seems to have captured some real wisdom in a young life. He talks about some serious issues in American married life and makes some serious puns, all the while everyone is cranking out some real side-splitting laughter. I was very impressed. It is not enough, for me, to just be funny. I think our humor can be intelligent and learning. That's when I call it smart humor. I think Zevin has it. If you are about to get married, buy this book. Zevin points out just how important unimpotantly the whole event really is. Thanks for your attention. P.S. And Zevin, I hope you write again on this subject. I think you can really help marital relations. I remember one truism you said that was so informative. I don't know if young women will hear you but it was a truism worth knowing. You said, (I paraphrase), "To guys, engagement rings look like babies and wedding gowns. They all look alike." And then you went on to teach guys how to find out which ring she really wants, even though she won't come out and say it. Guys are suppose to figure it out. And you help them with a skill they will be able to use their whole married life. Good job Zevin. Good job.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Put Wedding Planning in Perspective, Humorously, July 31, 2001

By 

Jody Thomas "Cookie Whisperer" (Pasadena, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Nearly-Wed Handbook: How To Survive The Happiest Day Of Your Life (Hardcover)

Thank you Dan Zevin! Not only has Zevin helped me find the humor in planning my own wedding, but he's also helped me find a little more sanity in my life. After all, you can't take wedding planning to seriously when it's just one big circus.

This book is a MUST READ for any bride- and groom-to-be.

I would have prefered that this book was a requirement during our "Engaged Encounter" weekend, rather than listen to hokey married couples that have been married soo long, that they're soo far removed from the perils of today's modern wedding planning. I could relate to soo much of what Zevin talked about, it was hilarious!

My Fiance was a bit put-off by my urging him to read this book until I started reading portions of it out-loud to him (the announcement to the parents and the choosing the reception site portions), only then did he relate to Zevin's sarcastic humor and experiences which "were no way related to him and his lovely wife Meg." He couldn't stop laughing.

I have lots of friends that are getting married, and I'm going to urge that they get this book (it's a quick, easy and pleasurable read)...if they don't, I'll buy it for them.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading one more time!, December 12, 2001

By 

Angela Fuego (Hong Kong) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Nearly-Wed Handbook: How To Survive The Happiest Day Of Your Life (Hardcover)

I finished reading the book in one day, and I felt ... enlightened and some what relaxed towards my wedding planning. (I was doing 99% of the planning!) But this was 6 months before my wedding, and I read it again just one month before. Again, the book has helped me to relieve some of the stress. Now, 8 months later, I looked back and I knew that day was wonderful. My friend is getting married next March, and I am recommending this book to them.