Customer Reviews

Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women's Changing Lives

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
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I am not the author's friend, nor do I know the author. This is a true and unbiased opinion on this book.

Okay, now that we got that out of the way (I am always wary of five star reviews myself), I just have to say that this is a great book. I first bought the book thinking it was a book on teaching woman how to be more ambitious. I am a pretty passive person in general. I lack drive and motivation, but have big dreams for myself. Yep, I'm also pretty lazy. So I was looking for a book to jumpstart my psyche so I can go out there and get what I want. Well, I didn't get that from this book. What I got was an eye-opening experience on why woman do the things they do, what drives them to do it, and a brief history of women's accomplishments and hardships through the centuries. I could not put this book down. While reading, I felt compassion, anger, hope, devastation, and a slew of other emotions that I haven't felt in a long time. I was finally understanding why I do the things that I do, why I defer to men all the time and let some of them run my life. This is a deeply psychological book, and the way it is written reminds me of a professional research paper. What I'm saying is, you really have to follow closely and pay attention to get the most out of it. It is definitely for the serious reader. So please, whether you are a woman or a man, you will benefit much from reading this fine work.

How many women do you know who have a hard time claiming their own path and fulfilling their gifts? Who do all the work and let others take the credit? Anti-feminists argue that women lack ambition and drive, or care more, in the end, about taking care of their families. Drawing on a wealth of new research and her own psychiatric practice, Fels argues that ambition is social: women, like men, need positive reinforcement from others for their work (praise, attention, appreciation, reward, advancement), but, unlike men, are discouraged in many ways from seeking it, or even acknowledging its importance.
Not a self help book -- there are no Ten Steps to a Better You in these pages --Necessary Dreams will help you think about your life in new and maybe surprising ways. It's the perfect answer to the ongoing backlash against feminism that has done so much to make women feel guilty for wanting things men take for granted. The writing is a joy, too--clear, trenchant, and witty.

Dr. Fels has managed to do several extraordinary things within the covers of this book. She has, first and foremost, told a great, if sometimes disheartening, story: the saga of middle class American women as the fourth generation of feminism is about to be born. Why does "ambition" remain a dirty word for so many glorious, accomplished women? What are the subtle, and not so subtle, cues in our culture that seem to dampen women's desire to be and do more? Why do mentors mean so much, and what happens when they disappear? Why did Madonna have such a damn big wedding, while Oprah bragged about having no wedding at all? This book provides the answers in beautifully written prose, and also functions, as the best therapy does, as a kind of catalyst for change.

It's also the rare scholarly psych book that's also...very funny. Fels' two-page takedown of John Gray's tired (and wildly flawed!) Mars/Venus formula will make you laugh...while you wince. Women of the Western world, read this book: you're not crazy, but you are tired and suffering from a kind of low-grade, ambition-sapping flu. This book provides a healing balm...and a bracing wakeup call.

Others have already given great reviews of this book - I just wanted to share how validating this book is to someone who is working up the ladder. Fels backs up her insights with clear, irrefutable evidence - her explanation of the "spelling bee" study has helped me to convey precisely how antagonistic our culture is to a woman "taking" recognition from a man.
This book is not about male-bashing; it's about seeing the ways in which our society (male and female) consistently discourages women from seeking recognition for their achievements - and ultimately from achieving anything at all. While Fels offers some guidance on how to correct the imbalance, I wish there were a clearer path laid out. I suppose that's up to us to figure out.

This book helped me understand a lot of what I and other strong, smart, ambitious women have been up against. And the incredible personal and professional roadblocks that are in our way. But it is a MUST read for all women because it does help you understand and make sense of this challenge. And it acts as your cheerleader as you forge forward in the light of all of these challenges. We are so grateful to have Dr. Fels' insights and her thoughtful examples to reflect on as we each create our own life. I will recommend this book to many of the women who ask me for advice and counsel on having an exciting career, a soulful relationship and healthy kids. Thank you.

"Necessary Dreams" is quite simply the next book in this progression: "The Second Sex," "The Feminine Mystique," and "Necessary Dreams." Fels distills the past to its essence and elucidates what must happen in the future if women and men are ever to be equals, and she does all this in less than 300 pages. It is written in a straight-forward and eminently readable style with no scapegoats. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

In "Necessary Dreams" by Ana Fels, Fels articulates some of the subtle issues that are always present but rarely discussed. She explores the roots of women's simultaneous desire to be powerful but apparent loathing of being labeled "ambitious" or "power hungry." For example, Fels points out that gender-tests developed by Stanford define femininity as, "putting others needs first, sensitive, flatterable" and a host of other adjectives that all revolve around caring for others. She contrasts the feminine adjectives with the male: "has leadership qualities, decisive"-- all adjectives associated with independence (and success in business!) It's no wonder that women have a hard time understanding how to be "women" in business-- all the qualities you need in business are masculine. While the book is written with much more of a feminist slant than some of the other books I have read on this topic, it was thought provoking and fun to read.

While reading this book I thought of every woman I know, and of the men in their lives. I wanted to send it to each of them, regardless of their stage in life or regardless of the ambitions that they may hold or struggle to hold. Fels argues that ambition is a fundamental human need, and so too is recognition of one's skills, talents, and ambitions. In contrast to most men, who often receive recognition in multiple areas of their lives, women are taught to give recognition to others, and rarely receive recognition for their own work and desires. She covers childhood through adulthood and intermixes empirical studies with her own experience as a psychologist. Touching often on the notion of career, Fels would seem to write for a middle class audience, but there is much here that transcends race, class and culture. I'd say it's a must read for all women wanting to find their way, and for the men who support them.

An excellent book, an engaging look at ambition in women's lives. Fels also provides significant insight into what motivates people in general. Highly recommended reading.

This book is particularly important for young women who are struggling with the competing demands on their time and their identity and those who struggle with ambivalence about their own success. In my experience, that is just about all of us.

My daughter recently observed that it should be required reading for every woman starting a new job. I agree.