Customer Reviews

Necessary Losses

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I spent a couple of years of my clinical training working at an agency that offers grief counseling and maintains a twenty-four hour suicide prevention hotline. I chose Ms. Viorst's wonderful book to write a report required for the agency's training class in grief counseling. We also were given an assignment to prepare a list of the losses we experienced over the course of our lives. What an enlightening exercise, especially as we listened to fellow students share what they'd written! Others' losses reminded many of us of events we'd forgotten, events that had affected us profoundly. It is so easy to forget what is most painful!

Contrary to what some reviewers have said, the information that Ms. Viorst offers in her excellent book is not widely appreciated. I've worked with grief clients whose therapist referred them to the agency when they experienced a significant loss. I've been on the hotline when therapists as well as regular folks called with their bewilderment at how to respond to the loss of a loved one, or equally baffling, how to be with a friend who has experienced such loss. Ms. Viorst normalizes the inevitability of loss and rightly observes how our growing capacity to hold ourselves open to these losses deepens our human experience. I've recommended the book many times to both clients and friends. I encourage those who pick up the book to slow down and digest what she has to say. Let the thoughts seep through your days and weeks, your meetings with friends and family. Buddhists meditate on the vase already broken. In truth everyone we love will be lost to us, whether through their passing or our own. It is not morbid to recognize that fact. Rather it can become the beginning of appreciation and gratitude. Ms. Viorst is not a Buddhist, so far as I know, but she clearly recognizes this ancient wisdom. Opening one's heart to loss is a sure way to open to love.

I haven't finished the book yet, but I find that after five years of intensive therapy I have finally found a self-help book that has helped me with a breakthrough which I have been unable to make. I have cried through it and found it very well written for the laymen. To think I used to love her children's books, especially, "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good awful day". She knows from whence she speaks and has helped me to realize that life is full of losses from the moment we are born. It is how we are taught to deal with them that enables us to become as well adjusted adults as we can be. It isn't just about people who have died, it is about living with losses through separation, from child to adult; losses of periods of our lives, losses of joy, or even emotions. I can't say much more. My therapist, who is excellent, told me I was ready to read the book, and I was and still am. And I love being able to cry and mourn the losses that I always thought were silly to feel anything about.

This book is nearly a masterpiece. While it is obviously influenced by the best parts of pscychoanalysis, it is far from dogmatic and reveals how all human beings suffer a succession of separations and losses from which we (hopefully) grow. It is not a book about "Winning through adversity" or "The will always triumphs", but in times of profound life change; it always has something to offer and is ultimately quite reassuring. I have owened an earlier edition doe over 12 years and still refer to it from time to time. A must read for anyone who seeks understanding of their life and the passages we go through, including how our earlier experiences influence our later ones.

This book allows us to understand that letting go of some things is part of a maturation process in life. Though many people commonly feel like letting go is like giving up and being a loser, we also know that the most important lessons in life are learned from our losses. This author sheds some light on the important difference between these two things by providing us with interesting examples from her experiences. I think this book is excellent for people who are at the brink of letting go of something important to them. It gives them an extra bit of inspiration to let go and move on with their lives. For people who are not near this stage, this book may not make much sense simply because they are not yet emotionally ready for the next step. Another book that is excellent in explaining the emotional process of letting go and how that relates to personal development is "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It explains these seemingly complex things in such a simple way that it is absolutely stunning!

A book that gave me great understanding to life, loss and those events we fear in life. I read this book over five years ago and look to it to provide support to a friend who recently lost a wife. It is an easy read but allows for great reflection about ones life as you read it. I recommend it to all that are ready for greater wisdom about life's pains.

Sometimes we wonder why life is so damn tough and sad and tragic. Well, this book doesn't help to answer those questions or to make it seem any better, but it does normalize all of those feelings, and it does explore all of the normal and necessary losses people experience in their lives. My therapist recommended it to me when my not-good-for-me boyfriend broke up with me and in turn, facilitated some of my personal growth and taught me to deal with some really hard feelings. I learned that losing him was necessary to my own well-being. This book is great for everyone.

This book is a wonderful conversation on development and loss from a psychoanalytic perspective. There is little or no jargon to muddle the message and the learning. Want to learn more about people in a western society? Start here.

I had to read this book for a psychology class and ended up loving it. The book goes through the life cycle and explains the losses we must make at each stage in order to move on to the next one. If this book does not move you than you are made of stone.

I first bought this book over 20 years ago when I got divorced, and it helped me deal with that event as a loss. Frankly, I hadn't even realized that it even was a loss until I read Viorst's wonderful book. I was able also to reach back and deal with the death of my parents, the losses inherent in growing into middle age, and other things . . . even losing my first girl friend.

Since then I have given this book to numerous friends who have had to deal with losses. I hope that they put the book back into full print as it should be required reading for just about everyone.

This book covers everything one needs to know to understand oneself. Under a very positive approach, it made me think a lot at each chapter. Take your time to read it, it is really worth it !