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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead Audio CD – Box set, Audiobook

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Katie reintroduces the form of self-questioning called "The Work" that she originally presented in Loving What Is, but here she tackles relationships—and what spoils them. According to Katie (writing with the help of Katz, who is also her agent), rather than seeking love and approval from others, you need to find them in yourself. What often blocks that love is one's perception of reality: "If you believe your stressful thoughts, your life is filled with stress. But if you question your thoughts, you come to love your life and everyone in it." "The Work" is central to the process of taking a judgmental thought—such as "my partner is supposed to make me happy"—and subjecting it to four powerful questions, such as "Is it true?" and "Who or what would I be without the thought?" Then Katie suggests turning the thought around and considering different options, such as making yourself happy and making your partner happy. Finally, she suggests ways to find love and acceptance in yourself. Katie's chatty style and her use of detailed dialogues and simple exercises will make many readers feel transformation is inevitable. (On sale Mar. 22)Forecast:A 15-city author tour should help launch this to the sales levels of Loving What Is (110,000 copies in cloth and paper).
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

Katie's first self-help book, Loving What Is (2001), was a best-seller. This volume applies her method, called "the Work," and uses it to help readers resolve issues concerning love. The Work consists of asking oneself three questions about a troubling issue and then turning the premise around and asking the opposite questions. Adherents of this technique who read the first book probably don't need this one, since it covers much of the same territory. As before, the text takes the form of dialogues between Katie and those practicing the Work, thus demonstrating how asking the questions and evaluating the answers yield results. For instance, a woman who felt her father didn't love her gains insights about her own attitudes toward him and herself through asking not why didn't he love her but why didn't she love him. This technique seems so simple that it's hard to make a whole book out of it, but like most self-help gurus, Katie, with the aid of coauthor Katz, manages just fine. Ilene Cooper
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Audio CD: 4 pages
  • Publisher: Random House Audio Dimensions; Abridged edition (April 5, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0739316990
  • ISBN-13: 978-0739316993
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 1.2 x 5.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (177 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #125,276 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Byron Katie (she was born Byron Kathleen Reid; everyone calls her Katie) has one job: to teach people how to end their own suffering. When Katie appears, lives change. As she guides people through her simple yet powerful process of inquiry, called The Work, they find that their stressful beliefs--about life, other people, or themselves--radically shift. Through this process, Katie gives people the tool to set themselves free.

In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year fall into depression, rage, and self-loathing, Byron Katie woke up one morning to a state of constant joy that has never left her. She realized that when she believed her thoughts she suffered, but when she questioned them, she didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being.

Since then, she has worked with millions of people at free public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, V. A. treatment centers, corporations, universities, and schools. Participants at her weekend workshops, the nine-day School for The Work, and the twenty-eight-day residential Turnaround House report profound experiences and lasting transformations. "Katie's events are riveting to watch," the Times of London reported. Eckhart Tolle calls The Work "a great blessing for our planet." And Time magazine named Katie a "spiritual innovator for the new millennium."

Byron Katie has written three bestselling books: Loving What Is, I Need Your Love--Is That True?, and A Thousand Names for Joy. Her other books are Question Your Thinking, Change The World; Who Would You Be Without Your Story?; and, for children, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True? She is married to the writer, scholar, and translator Stephen Mitchell.

On her website,, you will find basic information about Katie and The Work, Katie's blog, free materials to download, audio and video clips, a schedule of events, and a free helpline with a network of facilitators.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

183 of 198 people found the following review helpful By Janet Boyer HALL OF FAMEVINE VOICE on June 22, 2005
Format: Hardcover
"When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result. Manipulation is separation, and separation is painful. Another person can love you totally in that moment, and you'd have no way of realizing it. If you act from fear, there's no way you can receive love, because you're trapped in a thought about what you have to do for love. Every stressful thought separates you from people." - Byron Katie

Now, more than ever, the "disease to please" runs rampant through every social, economic, and spiritual stratum. Whether seeking to please or appease a boss, parent, teacher, preacher, partner, child, friend, or god, many are on an all-consuming quest for love, appreciation, and approval. Even self-help books add to the striving, encouraging and teaching manipulative skills for attracting, impressing, and seducing others by pretending to be something we aren't.

To put it bluntly, these approaches do not work. Having failed to find love or appreciation from others, millions become the "walking wounded"-blaming themselves and concluding they are unworthy of love. Some authors or gurus go a step further, admonishing individuals to "love yourself" while never addressing the painful root that no amount of bubble baths, candles, or pampering can quell: uninvestigated thoughts.

Byron Katie's revolutionary process of inquiry has transformed thousands of lives across the globe. Featured in her first book Loving What Is - Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, "The Work" involves challenging the uninvestigated thoughts that rule our lives. These chaotic stories-which often begin with a "should"-are the source of havoc, discord, and suffering.
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71 of 75 people found the following review helpful By Lisa Biskup on February 22, 2006
Format: Audio CD
Katie is such a gift in this world! From a depressed, angry, fearful businesswoman and mother of three, living in the desert of California, to one of the most genuinely loving and real humans around, Katie offers us the opportunity to meet all our stresful thoughts with simple understanding and shows us how to achieve inner peace and clarity. In her first book, Loving What Is, Katie taught us a simple method of self-inquiry she calls The Work. The Work is four questions and what Katie calls a turnaround that can be applied to any thought that causes you stress, pain, frustration, anger and any negative emotion. If peace and happiness is what you are after, The Work is a fast ticket to that wonderful destination. The basic idea is that when we believe what we think, without asking ourselves, we suffer, and when we use The Work to question stressful thoughts, our mind opens and the effect of that is the heart opens as well.

In this new book, I Need Your Love - Is That True? Katie gives us lots of real-life examples of how The Work is being applied to relationship issues. No matter what type of relationship you are in, you may notice that you spend a lot of time wishing things were different. Does your boyfriend leave his dirty underwear lying on the floor? Does your girlfriend spend too much time with her friends and not you? Does your mom criticize you? Is your child "out of control?" These and so many other thoughts come into our mind and when we attach to them, thinking that "s/he or they" should be different, we suffer. And, the interesting part is that this hasn't really ever been very successful. Has anybody ever really changed because you thought they should? Because YOU"D be happier (you think) if they did?
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98 of 111 people found the following review helpful By Casey Dawes on January 29, 2006
Format: Hardcover
I Need Your Love -- Is That True by Byron Katie with Michael Katz, published by Harmony Books, 2005 (ISBN 1-4000-5107-X)

A client and friend sent me this book as a gift. We had touched on Byron Katie's work during our sessions, so it was appropriate. After reading it, I find I have moments of profound agreement with what Byron Katie says, and yet, I'm not 100% totally comfortable with it.

This book builds on Byron's earlier work in Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.

I Need Your Love brings these questions to relationships. They are good questions because all too often we assume in relationships. We believe certain things should be true when they obviously aren't. We assume the motive behind what someone does when we haven't the foggiest idea of it's true. I don't know about you, but I've carried on whole conversations with people entirely in my head and been darn mad at them -- even before they've opened their mouths!

Byron also questions our own motives in a relationship. Are we trying to get our partner to do the work on ourselves that we should be doing? Are we needy and seeking approval all the time? Or are we untrue to ourselves because we are doing whatever it takes to get the approval of the other person?

The issue I have with the book is that I come away with the feeling that the entire fabric of a relationship is dependent on me. I also think that the book gives short shrift to real problems in relationships, such as emotional and physical abuse, addictions, etc. If there are children in a relationship, we need to be very aware of the lessons we are teaching them when we do our relationship work.
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