108 of 110 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
An insightful book, March 9, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization (Paperback)
Karen Horney writes that emotional problems originate in the environment. Problems usually start during childhood when the child faces an hostile environment (e.g. abusive, careless, or overprotective parents). In order to deal with this hostile environment the child develops defense mechanisms: she moves toward people, she moves against people, or she moves away from people. The child may accept all kinds of abuses in exchange for some affection; the child may become agressive and rebellious against parents and authority in general; or the child may turn into a rock (aloof, reserved, quiet). Later in life these defense mechanisms evolve into three kinds of neuroses: one characterized by morbid dependency on others and compliance, another by extreme agressive behavior despising almost everybody, and another one by aloofness and carelessness. At the same time that the person develops any of these types of behavior she creates an idealized image of herself (with all kinds of attributes, talents and virtues -which are mainly imagined and which she tries to live up to.) The real self (the actual talents and limitations) recede into the unconscious or are "forgotten". The more the neurotic attempts to live up to her idealized self, the more difficulties and inner conflicts she faces, and the more she hates her real self. This creates all kinds of difficulties in the person's relationships (to herself and to others) and in all kinds of situations including the job place. Along with these difficulties the person experiences depression and anxiety, among other symptoms. Horney argues very persuasively her theory throughout the book, showing incredible intelligence, insight and knowlege (she must have really spent a lot of time analyzing patients and taking notes about every detail she discussed with them); her arguments are so well informed. I really enjoyed reading this book; it helped me know myself and understand others better. My only disappointment is her treatment of the "real self" in chapter six. Just when I was getting excited about her discussion of the "real self" she gradually changed the subject and ended concentrating again on the "idealized self" and how the neurotic relates to it. Had she lived longer I am sure that she would have written (perhaps a whole book!) on the real self (how it survives and even grows in spite of the obstacles imposed by the person's neurotic drives). But at least I know, after reading this very insightful book, that all of us have a "real" and an "idealized" self, and the balance of these determines the degree of our neurosis.
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60 of 60 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Truly Self-Realization, November 11, 2003
This review is from: Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization (Paperback)
This is therapy in a book. Unbelievable work of psychoanalysis.
A person, given the chance, will develop his own feelings, thoughts, wishes, interests and potentialities. He will draw on his own resources, skills, will-power, discipline and he will develop his special abilities and unique gifts. In short, he will grow, substantially undiverted, towards what Karen Horney calls self-realization.
But through a variety of adverse influences, a child, or even an adult, may not be permitted to grow according to his individual needs and possibilities. A persistently hostile environment of people around him, especially during childhood, that are dominating, overindulgent, erratic, partial to others, hypocritical, indifferent, etc., might kill off the ability to grow and become one's real self. As a result the person, does not develop a feeling of belonging of "we", but instead develops a profound insecurity, lack of self-confidence and vague apprehensiveness, which Karen Horney refers to as basic anxieties.
The person tries to resolve the anxiety by either moving away from people (aloofness, isolation), or against people (rebelling) or moving towards people (submission and compliance). In a healthy individual, these coping trends are present and used in varying degrees depending on the situation. But in a neurotic person, these trends become very rigid and contradictory. Eventually, one of the trends will become a dominant trend, and it will become a predominant trait in the person's personality. It is destructive in that it chokes off much of the other parts of a persons personality and impedes growth.
This dominant coping trend is an artificial attempt at a solution, and it will fail. But to a person suffering from a neurosis, the trend will appear to work and even become intensified. With large parts of the person's personality undeveloped and even unavailable, the person in grips of a neurosis will then gradually become alienated from his real self. The alienation from the real self will subsequently be followed and replaced by the image of the idealized-self. The person will not see themselves as they are, but instead will see the idealized-image of themselves-the way they wished they were. The energies driving toward self-realization are then shifted to the aim of actualizing the idealized self. This shift means no more and no less than a change in the course of the individual's whole life and development.
A healthy person will see himself as he is and strive to grow and improve. A neurotic person, however, will see himself as an idealized image. Alienated from his real self, he will no longer have authentic feelings, emotions and ambitions. Instead he will feel what he thinks he should feel according to his idealized self, he will react to others the way he thinks they expect him to react from the perspective of his idealized self.
Ultimately, the neurotic person will fail to live up to his idealized-self. The discrepancy between what he really is and how he sees himself in the idealized image will emerge and it will be a constant source of conflict. Because his idealized image of himself is one of perfection, there is no way for him to measure up. What will then follow is unconscious self-hate and self-contempt.
The person will unconsciously be at war with his real self. Compulsive eating, and many other compulsive disorders, anxieties, despair, inertia and even suicide are often manifestations of unconscious self-hate. The person doesn't realize what is happening, but he is in the grips of a deepening neurosis. He is unconsciously at war with himself.
Karen Horney describes in detail the behavior and personality traits that develop in a neurosis. She explains how it develops and why it is so destructive to the real self. Understanding of one's neurosis is a key development for anyone in the grips of a neurosis, but it is not a cure. She makes it clear, the cure is a process that has to be worked upon with real effort, but knowledge and understanding are the starting point.
This book is breath taking. It is one of the most important books I have ever read.
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50 of 51 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A tough but rewarding read, March 22, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization (Paperback)
As someone who is permanently "slightly anxious", I wanted to understand the root of that anxiety and hence what could be done about it. Horney offers the theory that children who feel threatened develop an idealised view of themselves as a defence mechanism - but this in turn creates further problems in adulthood as the adult fails to live up to the "perfect self" expectation. Horney illustrates this thesis convincingly from both case work and literature - several of the illustrations described exactly what goes on in my own mind.
So, if you're serious about a serious read, this one is for you.
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