Never to Be a Mother: A Guide for All Women Who Didn'T, or Couldn'T, Have Children [Hardcover]

Linda Hunt Anton (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0062500791 | ISBN-13: 978-0062500793 | Publication Date: August 1992 | Edition: 1st

A guide for childless women offers ten steps toward resolution, including acknowledging and experiencing the loss, letting go of blame, rechanneling mothering energy, maximizing the advantages of child-free living, and more. $30,000 ad/promo.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Anton, a clinical social worker who herself never had a baby, addresses this comforting and deeply personal guide to women who are not childless by choice. Using her own experience and those of others in the same predicament, she describes the various paths to childlessness--infertility, not having wed, a difficult marriage--and the ways in which feelings of loss may manifest themselves. In one upbeat section, she outlines 10 "steps to resolution," from acknowledging the loss and letting go of blame to thinking of oneself as "childfree" instead of "childless." And for those who want to join forces with other childfree women, she explains how to start a self-help group. The book contains interesting case histories, but Anton's tendency to romanticize motherhood and her sometimes self-pitying tone leave the impression that she herself has never really come to terms with being childless. $30,000 ad/promo; author tour.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

Anton, a clinical social worker who herself never had a baby, addresses this comforting and deeply personal guide to women who are not childless by choice. Using her own experience and those of others in the same predicament, she describes the various paths to childlessness--infertility, not having wed, a difficult marriage--and the ways in which feelings of loss may manifest themselves. In one upbeat section, she outlines 10 ''steps to resolution,'' from acknowledging the loss and letting go of blame to thinking of oneself as ''childfree'' instead of ''childless.'' And for those who want to join forces with other childfree women, she explains how to start a self-help group. --Publishers Weekly --This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 197 pages
• Publisher: Harpercollins; 1st edition (August 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0062500791
• ISBN-13: 978-0062500793
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #184,223 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best book I've read on childlessness, July 22, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Never to Be a Mother: A Guide for All Women Who Didn't -- Or Couldn't -- Have Children (Hardcover)

A wonderfully-supportive, optimistic book--the best book I've read on how to deal with the emotional aspects of childlessness. I'm 40, a woman and don't have children mainly because of chronic illness; this book has helped me a lot. Written by a social-worker-therapist who is childless due to infertility, it is easy to read and gentle with readers. Anton writes that she was determined not to let childlessness ruin the rest of her life and later wrote the self-help book she had needed. She understands the emotional pain that can occur when a woman wants children but doesn't end up with a child for whatever reason.

My favorite things about this book are:
(1) Anton shares the stories of dozens of childless women who she interviewed or who completed her written questionnaire. Reading their stories, presented as composites, was fascinating and very supportive. Many of them had successfully resolved their grief and moved on to other things in life.
(2) She broadens the picture from women who have experienced infertility to include single women, those with medical or genetic problems, disabilities, problem pregnancies such as miscarriage or stillbirth, relationship issues such as husbands who don't want children, women who inadvertently waited too long to have children and lesbians. I appreciate this approach because many people are left out of infertility resources and it shows us that we aren't alone.
(3) She presents ten practical steps to work through the grief. Examples of the steps are Acknowledging and Experiencing the Loss, Understanding the Loss, Surviving the Loss, Letting Go of Blame, and Talking to Significant Others. I found some of her suggested exercises helpful and skipped others.

It was well worth my trouble to buy and read this excellent, helpful resource. In fact, I wish I had read it several years ago. Reading this book before exhausting all options or making final decisions about whether to adopt or to stop infertility treatments could be helpful. I would also recommend this book for family and close friends who want to understand what a loved one is going through. Index and bibliography included.

Another excellent self-help book that can be applied to childlessness from any cause is "Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again" by Jean W. Carter and Michael Carter (revised 1998 edition); that book is written for both men and women.

What does Anton mean by "childless" and "childfree"? She uses childless as a neutral word to describe all women who once wanted children but are permanently non-mothers. Hence, "childless women" excludes those who did not want children and those who eventually adopt but includes those who now happily appreciate the advantages of childfree living. Childfree describes all non-parents; it does not imply that children are disliked or not wanted. (This differs from how Jean W. Carter and Michael Carter use childless and childfree in "Sweet Grapes.")

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best book for people who can't/don't have kids., June 21, 1999

By 

Christina French (San Antonio, TX USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Never to Be a Mother: A Guide for All Women Who Didn'T, or Couldn'T, Have Children (Hardcover)

I found this book at a library after purchasing several "infertility" books and books dealing with childlessness. This one has helped me so much more than any others in coming to terms with the finality of it all. I'm having Amazon.com hunt down a copy of my own.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Still reading, August 31, 2006

By 

A. L. Willis - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Never to Be a Mother: A Guide for All Women Who Didn't -- Or Couldn't -- Have Children (Hardcover)

I am currently still reading this book. For me, this is not an easy read and it is not a book you will read all the way through quickly. It is very emotional and I can sometimes only read one page at a time. However, it has givin me insight on my grief and loss, and I have began the healing process. I highly recommend it. But be sure to have some alone time, a box of tissues, and time to cry.