Never Call Them Jerks [Paperback]

Arthur Paul Boers (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 1999

No church is immune to the problems that can arise when parishioners behave in difficult ways. Responding to such situations with self-awareness and in a manner true to one's faith tradition makes the difference between peace and disaster. In this must-read book, Boers shows how a better understanding of difficult behavior can help congregational leaders avoid the trap of labeling such parishioners and exercise self-care when the going gets rough. Foreword by David W. Augsburger, author of Conflict Mediation across Cultures.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"The author demonstrates how to deal with critics by turning them into teachers, increasing one's own self-awareness." -- Wayne Oates, Ph.D., Professor of Psychiatry Emeritus, School of Medicine, University of Louisville

"This book is essential for a pastor's survival, as well as for skillful leadership of the congregation." -- William H. Willimon, Dean of the Chapel, Duke University

About the Author

Arthur Paul Boers is a Mennonite Pastor in Waterloo, Ontario, who has served rural, urban, and church-planting settings in the United States and Canada. He is also a Benedictine Oblate. Boers has an M.A. in Peace Studies a masters of divinity degree along withan advanced degree in pastoral counseling. For many years he has served as a columnist and editorial advisor for Christian Ministry and as a contributing editor of The Other Side.

Product Details

• Paperback: 147 pages
• Publisher: Alban Inst; 1 edition (December 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1566992184
• ISBN-13: 978-1566992183
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #132,449 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

42 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Never Call Them Jerks, March 2, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Never Call Them Jerks (Paperback)

No church is immune to the problems that can arise when parishioners misbehave. Responding to such situations with self-awareness and in a manner true to one's faith tradition makes the difference between peace and disaster. In Never Call Them Jerks, Arthur Paul Boers, author of Justice that Heals, uses stories as teaching tools and examines how a better understanding of difficult behavior can help congregational leaders avoid the trap of labeling parishioners and exercise self-care when the going gets rough.

Boers, who has written three previous books including On Earth as in Heaven and Lord, Teach Us to Pray, tackles the controversial issue of uncivil behavior in congregations and asserts that Jerks will demonstrate responsible leadership; encourage leaders to face tough situations; and address the essentials of attending to, focusing on, and taking care of oneself. "Several recent books on the subject have lost their poise when it comes to dealing with those whose actions are annoying, disruptive, or evil," notes Speed B. Leas, Alban Institute Senior Consultant and author Congregational Conflict. "Boers has kept his and given us a thoughtful and useful approach to dealing with those who act in ornery and malignant ways."

"Arthur Paul Boers pours a wealth of pastoral wisdom and clinical insight into his book...he helps us to see how our `worst' members, our most trying congregational crises, can, by the grace of God and our skillful and caring leadership, be transformed into opportunities for redemptive ministry," says William H. Willimon, Dean of the Chapel and Professor of Christian Ministry, Duke University, Durham, NC.

According to Dr. Wayne E. Oates, Professor of Psychiatry Emeritus, School of Medicine, University of Louisville, "Never Call Them Jerks is thorough, well researched, and well illustrated...This is the best book I have read on this important subject-even better than one I wrote."

David W. Augsburger, a professor of pastoral care and counseling at Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, CA, and author of Conflict Mediation across Cultures and Helping People Forgive, writes in the foreword that Boers has the gift for "bringing issues that we consent to leave invisible into the clear."

Arthur Paul Boers is a Mennonite pastor in Waterloo, Ontario who has served rural, urban, and church-planting settings in the USA and Canada. Boers has an MA in Peace Studies from Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminary, an M. Div. from McCormick Theological Seminary, and an M. Th. in Pastoral Counseling from Waterloo Lutheran Seminary. For many years he served as columnist and editorial advisor for Christian Ministry and as a contributing editor to The Other Side. His articles and reviews have appeared in popular magazines including Christianity Today, Leadership, St. Anthony Messenger, and Sojourners.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Practical Guide on Addressing Difficult Behavior, April 5, 2006

By 

Marshall E. Stokes (Jackson, MS) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Never Call Them Jerks (Paperback)

A large readership will enjoy the insightful content of Never Call Them Jerks, written by Arthur Boers. It is a concise work that outlines how difficult behavior (and people!) can be countered by healthy responses that are non-punitive in nature. A very helpful propositional statement is found on Page 78: "A purpose of this book is to help us understand difficult behavior so that it need not preoccupy us." I like the term preoccupy, for oftentimes ministry is held captive to the aberrant behavior styles of others. Ministry can also be subverted by displaced emotions on the part of leaders.
Boers, writing from a pastor's perspective, cautions against reactionary measures that are emotive in nature. When responding to conflict within any group of people, it is imperative to act, not react. It is also important to remember that "it is difficult to win a battle against someone causing conflict within a church" (57). How many times have church leaders attempted to "fight fire with fire," only to exacerbate an already troubled situation?
I especially enjoyed Boer's chapter entitled "Hazards, Hazards Everywhere." In this chapter, the author takes an in-depth look at some of the relational dynamics that are seedbeds from which difficult behavior grows. Triangulation is an inevitable dynamic that we must understand and anticipate in our ministry functions. Social incompetence is another dynamic that plagues pastors and church leaders, as poor inter-relational skills can cause untold anxiety in the parish.
Unlike some conflict management-type books, this text is not long on problematic scenarios and short on solutions. Boers includes many case studies and quotes from helpful contributors like Henri Nouwen and Thomas Merton, as well as an appreciated and welcomed "focus on self" section. Sometimes it is necessary to grow personally and focus on our own souls in order to minimize troublesome scenarios in ministry.

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Reader's Review, May 4, 2006

By 

Kevin D. Summers - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Never Call Them Jerks (Paperback)

Never Call Them Jerks is a helpful book that offers useful alternatives to simply naming, blaming, and shaming difficult behaviors in the lives of church members. With proper nurturing and leadership, wonderful ministry can grow out of difficult behavior. In addition, people who are difficult cannot be viewed independently, but rather must be perceived as part of an emotional unit. In other words, an individual's action cannot be viewed or examined in isolation. Every problem is part of a larger system of interaction.
This book offers a way of analyzing problems that helps care providers maintain patience as well as hope that something good can come from troubling conflict. The author helps the reader realize that all congregations will have conflict and that they must learn how to react to difficulties appropriately.
Systems thinking does not simply try to change a problem, but rather attempts to see the connection of the problem to the larger system. The way leaders analyze behavioral problems is to recognize that there is always multiple causation. Furthermore, the author suggests that people are interdependent or, in other words, connected to each other in some way. The author suggests that if leaders are to gain greater understanding and clarity with difficult people, family origin must be evaluated and investigated. A systems understanding furthermore recognizes the correlation between stability and change, multigenerational patterns and problems, and unhealthy triangulation.
This book offers invaluable insight, wisdom, and practical direction for pastors and congregational leaders who intentionally accept the challenge of navigating their congregations toward health through the waters of conflict.