Customer Reviews

I Never Called It Rape: The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting, and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape

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This book was an essential part of my early recovery process. As a survivor of relationship violence and rape in my adolescence, I never knew how to characterize it, what to call it. As a teenager, the "R" word seemed to be too imposing -- but the actual experiences were far more imposing than the language; indeed, the language and the naming of the unspeakable experience made it possible to finally confront it. Like Herman's "Trauma and Recovery," this book presented examples which helped me to understand that I was not alone in this process, nor was I losing my mind. My own responses of self-blame, depression, and anger could be understood in terms of my coping with the assault. I wish that we lived in a world where there would be no need for such a report as Ms. Warshaw's; given that we don't, I am very thankful for it.

As a survivor of sexual assault, this book was a Godsend while I was emotionally prepairing for my university judicial hearing as well as my show-cause hearing in district. As a survivor herself, Ms.Warshaw must have known the importance of including the stories of other survivors in her book. It was by reading about people like my self and other survivors can comprehend what we might go through and that we are not alone. However, there are still some people who decided that they wanted to try and disprove the point that rape and sexual assault hurts women in ways that people who have not survived a sexual assault could possabily understand. In this new addition, Ms. Warshaw puts her detractors(and they KNOW who they are)to shame by not only providing an awesome counter argument, but by using Real Facts obtained in a Scientific Study. These are some of the things that her detractors did not do.

If you know someone who is going off to college or moving out on her own, recovering from a divorce or anything ~~ or simply because you love her, this is a book I highly recommend for you to give to her. It talks about date rape/acquaintance rape ~~ a subject that isn't talked about very often ~~ and you will find resources in this book to help a survivor recover ~~ or even to prevent a rape from happening. And I recommend young men reading this book too. It shows the other side of rape ~~ a man may think that a woman "teased" him and that she really wanted it ~~ but oftentimes, it leaves lasting scars ~~ not just on the victims but also on the rapists too. Both men and women need to be educated on what date rape is ~~ it is more common than people think.

When a woman says no, a man is trained by society that she really means yes ~~ but that isn't the case. Rape is when a sexual act is committed against a woman's will ~~ even if she knows her attacker. It's downright disturbing and there are many women who have survived date rape. Did you know that "stranger rape" occurs very rarely but "acquaintance rape" occurs more often? Also, did you know that even if a woman stops dating a man, he can still rape her? There are all kinds of stories in this book that the author shares with the reader to warn them of this issue.

This book will share with you how to recognize the danger signals and how to prevent a rape from happening. If it happens, there is advice on what to do next. It explores the statistics of numerous studies performed on this topic and it's downright scary. But there are people fighting it and so can you. Just read this book, and pass it on. I truly believe every woman going off to college or moving out on her own or even entering her teen years should have a copy of this. It shouldn't be a topic to ignore ~~ it should be talked about and shared ~~ it is a serious issue and one that every woman needs to be aware of.

I have a young cousin going off to college and this is one book I would like to send to her. For all you moms, dads, grandmas, aunts, sisters, cousins, friends should think of the young women (and young men) in your family or circle of friends and think of how you should arm them with knowledge on how to prevent acquaintance rape from happening. But not only women need to read this book, men should too. They should sit down with their sons and tell them that "no means no." And that they should resist pressure from other men in raping a woman. Acquaintance rape is very damaging to women and to men as well. It wreaks havoc on the fragile fabric of society itself.

Pick it up ~~ I don't think you'll regret it as one can never have too much information about a topic like this one.

This book deals with an important, sensitive message, but it is too narrowed. Sadly, a victimizer today can be anyone. I was raped in my second year of college by an upper classmate--another woman.

We were both drunk and I had passed out. Incidentally I am neither gay nor bi. I thought we were just friends. When I awoke, I found her on top of me, my blouce and pants undone and her holding me down. I had awoken to her penetrating me with her fingers and at first had no idea of what was happening, or if I was even dreaming. When it became obvious to me what was happening, she held me down and tried to muffle my protests with her hand and began to vigorously and violently thrust in and out of me hushing me and whispering that I should just relax and would like it and what "good things" she could show me if I let her.

I began to cry and scream and that was when she finally let go of me. Even while I was dressing, trembling, she seemed genuinely confused as to why I was so upset.

That day forever changed my life and I am still dealing with the after effects of that trauma. What is most upsetting to me is some people think that women do not rape, or that this wasn't rape, or even question "how" another woman can rape.

Rape is simply a violation of another person's physical, psychological, and emotional being. It doesn't matter who does it or if a penis is used. I *was* raped.

I have heard many similar stories by other women since, especially of sororities, which truly sexually abuse new pledges. As far as I know there is no real recognition of this phenomena, which only seems to fuel a sick girl-on-girl sexual fantasy in society.

Robin Warshaw, sadly, only sees rapes as when a man does it to only a woman and only in the context of penile-vaginal intercourse. Rape is a much more broader phenomena.

It is important for young people to be on guard and aware of the dangers of rape and also no that the moment they engage in sex with anyone without their consent or then not knowing it--in any shape or form--they themselves are committing rape, regardless of gender or the means of sexual stimulation.

I have worked as a clinical social worker and a school psychologist, have done a lot of work with child sexual abuse victims and some work with teen and adult rape victims. This is an excellent book for the general reader; it uses a research base but does not use statistical or research jargon. All teens, male or female, could benefit from reading this book, hopefully before they are in crisis or specific need of it. High school health or communication classes could use it. Adults will find it equally useful. Helpful ideas to improve the odds of prevention (no one can guarantee one's safety from rape), signs to help you realize when your companion may not be safe, helping yourself or a friend get through having had the experience of rape by an acquaintance, why men also benefit from understanding this information, and much more.

I have recently been molested by someone I thought to be my best friend. Yes, I am starting this off this way because this is important for people to know when reading reviews for this kind of book.

Now when scrolling down to read the reviews for this book I noticed this top one titled "Misandrist Feminist Propaganda" by Nathan J. Yoder. Well Nathan, your response to this book is so callous and rude that I cannot even begin to collect my thoughts as orderly as I like. Your comments are so horribly insensitive that I can only be led to believe that you yourself have coerced someone into having sex with you. Let me tell you this. If the person that you are propositioning sex from says no even once and you continue, it is still rape.

And the horribly stupid comment you left at te end of your review:

"Of course, when a man is drunk, the principle never applies because it's an anti-male principle."

This is also not true. If ANYONE has unwanted sexual contact, whether it be male or female, whether they are drunk or sober, IT IS NOT OKAY. There is NO justification and no excuses!

That is, unless you are trying to convince yourself that what you did wasn't wrong, like the man that molested me.

I suggest that anyone who is sufferering from something that has happened to them like this should read this book, it is helping me far more than I can imagine and so is speaking out about the wrongdoing. Men can learn from this book too. It's not just for women. Men can learn that this kind of thing is NOT OKAY and that if it has happened to them it is not their fault.

What happened to me was not my fault. He broke my trust. I am well loved. The people around me love me very much.

This is the mantra that everyone who has suffered such trauma should tell themselves. It has helped me so much and I have only been reciting it for a day.

Read this book. Period. These kinds of things need to be covered in school. Education is what will help reduce what is happening. Learn from what happened. Learn and go on living your lives.

What happened to me was not my fault. He broke my trust. I am well loved. The people around me love me very much.

I find this book to be an excellent referral however, i'd prefer to see a revised edition. The statistics are outdated but the story is excellent.

I Never Called it Rape is a classic book integrating research and womens survivor stories that really helps women to understand about how rape occurs, what it really means, and how to go about recovering for it. Based on the most comprensive study about rape to date, done in the 1980s, Warshaw weaves in the stories of survivors in a poetic an poignant way throught this masterpiece. My only criticism is that the statistics are now 20 years old and it is clearly time for a new edition, or similar book like it, to be written.

This is a must-read for all rape survivors. It uses personal experience, as well as research and the stories of other survivors to convey the fight to mentally survive the after shock of being raped by a person she knows.

I must say that I did read all of the reviews of this book and I am completely disgusted with the review of Nathan J. Yoder. He believes that sexual coercion is not rape. Nagging and abusing power in order to force a female to have intercourse is STILL rape. She does NOT want to have sex with the person and this man should be ashamed of himself for writing something this stupid. He believes that this rape survivor wrote a sexist novel. Before this idiotice person writes any additional reviews, he should research rape and what qualifies as rape.

In conclusion, this novel was one of the best that I have ever read since my experience. I believe that all women who are assaulted should read this novel. Bravo.

I am so glad I "found" this book. If you've never cried and know you need to, read this. In every chapter there was something that pertained to me. I cried for the first time in 20 years! That doesn't mean I worked through it through this book. This doesn't teach you how to "get over it". But, it does help you to realize that you need to talk to someone about it and that it's OK to need help. If I had read this book before or shortly after it happened, I would have been better off about it then, instead of keeping it bottled up for 20 years. For parents of pre-teens - please get this book. It's good for males as well as females. It points out to males behavior that is not acceptable. It teaches females what to do before, during, and after any attack, not just rape as most people define it. It is beautifully written. It is never condescending. It seems a little harsh when males are being discussed. But the negatives they are talking about when talking about males pertain to the ones that attack, not all males. I found it so helpful that I plan to use it as sort of a guide for what to do now to get help. It really is that good.