Customer Reviews

Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

5 star:		(139)
4 star:		(71)
3 star:		(26)
2 star:		(22)
1 star:		(24)

 

 

It seems like much of the efficacy of Ferrazzi's tactics lies in blurring the distinction between the personal and the professional connections. Not even church-going remains sacred.

At what point does a close-knit network become more invaluable than acquaintanceships struck during in-flight snackbreaks? Are 500 people willing to answer your calls (after the umpteenth time you've attempted to ambush them on the phone during their off hours) really an asset? Readers should keep in mind that one will not be able to fool all of the people all of the time with false pretenses of friendship. Ferrazzi's work would be more effective if he differentiated between intensities of friendship and the tactics most appropriate for each.

Further difficulties include:
-Networking Plan of Action (unfortunately acronymed NAP) includes scarcely a page of information about how to construct one.
-The arguments are often internally inconsistent: receiving an invitation to a 15 min coffee break is an affront, while sending one tops the personal arsenal list. Katharine Graham is eulogized as a champion of both "somebodies" and "nobodies." Yet Ferrazzi's lists of "people he'd like to meet" and his incessant extolling of the virtues of name-dropping seems to indicate "nobodies" are nobodies in his book. Finally, the distinction between a "networking jerk" and commendable behavior is, at best, subtle.
-For an individual so concerned with connectedness, it is curious that a bibliography or appendix of suggested reading is entirely absent.

May I suggest:
*How to Win Friends and Influence People: soft skills development
*Big Fish (a novel of "mythic proportions" by Daniel Wallace): a more sympathetic view on spin, for contemplating your own self-marketing plan or why Ferrazzi really left Deloitte.
*The Tipping Point: Chapter 2 is a more rigorous exploration of the roles the uber-connected play in social networks.

The book isn't that bad, but it isnt worth buying with so many other masters out there writing about how to get it done. Here's what's wrong....

First, it's billed as "revolutionary" concepts which I found to hardly be true. Almost evey idea was something that I've read in a Covey, Mackay, Peters, etc book. Recycled.

Further, he's so proud of his accomplishments it becomes exhausting to keep up with all the great things KF did in his life.

Finally, he writes often about how he was from poor, underprivileged family and he had nothing but his "revolutionary" concepts to break him into The Club. I believe it at first, until he started (and then repeated) to tell the reader about how he went to a private elementary and HS, then to Yale and Harvard BS. He was IN the club from first grade - hardly a life course that demonstrated how unique and terrific his practices were.

I'm a naturally shy person and I've always hated the concept of "networking." Everyone I know that practices it in the commonly accepted sense is a complete jerk. This book, however, addresses the true power behind networking; building actual relationships. I would probably give the book 4.5 stars, since too much of it is devoted to name dropping, but this small flaw does not detract from the value of the book. Mr. Ferrazzi takes the approach of building meaningful relationships with others, even when time is short. He doesn't advocate carpet bombing a room with your business cards or hanging out with people you despise as a means of getting ahead. I appreciate the fact that the author came from humble beginnings and was able to reach such heights in the world of business. There are several practical approaches that are discussed in this book that can be of help to both extroverts and the relatively introverted.

In my own life, it occurred to me that I have difficulty staying in contact with people I know and reaching out to people I don't know. I want to do these things without being a smarmy, conniving, smily sycophant. Then I see the author on the Today show saying he could show me how to do these things and maintain my integrity too! Looks like he was just using his book's tactics to get $20 out of my pocket. It's a most elegant irony that there is actually a chapter on the "networking jerk." The rest of the book will make you exactly that. If he cut out all the self-promoting passages about his own accomplishments, the book would have 1/3 fewer pages. The only words of real wisdom in the book are but common sense that happen to be difficult to put into practice (e.g. Be generous and don't keep score). His real formula is this: Have your Dad get you into a fancy prep school, go to Yale, go to Harvard, latch onto someone with a great idea and become their protege, voila - you're a CEO.

While I was reading the book, I actually convinced myself to go the extra mile and keep open lines of communication with random people (albeit, financially/socially powerful) in my naive enjoyment. However, after I finally made it through (its 250+ pgs), I realized that a lot of the content is bogus and not realistic in a "regular" lifestyle (unless your dad fed you into Yale and you cruised your way to a Harvard MBA, and then could afford to finally ask yourself what you actually want to do). I do love how some authors pride themselves on their humble upbringing, but yet somehow acsend to Ivy League undergrad & grad school through a favor. Anyways getting back to my point, do not buy the book - I recommend sitting at Barnes, Borders, etc. and reading the first 60-80 pgs (max). If you're looking for some motivation/tactics of networking, you might find it within that portion. The rest 150+ pgs just beats a dead horse. I'm a slow reader and the small amount of time it takes to hit the first 60 pages isn't worth paying for.

For all the five-star reviews that are going to pop up here in the next few days, be cognizant that the author of this book is a master networker, and is adept at calling in favors. What follows is an unbiased look at the book.

The author's message is simple yet powerful: Everything you do in life is enabled by others. The more people you know, the more you are capable of, and the more you are capable of helping others. The power of your network goes up exponentially with the number of relationships and with the strength of those relationships. Anyone who thinks that success is based solely on merit is sadly delusional.

The advice and techniques he gives are broken out by chapter. Some are insightful and useful, such as discovering what's important to people and finding ways to help them, how to work conferences, and how to connect with other well-connected people. Others are questionable from a style standpoint, and seem to serve as a boastful review of the author's own methods, such as his extravagant dinner parties, or interrupting a conversation midstream in order to call someone who is relevant to the current topic. He also emphasizes constant emailing and calling just so you don't fall off someone's radar, even if you have nothing to say to that person except "I exist". How annoying.

The book gets 3 stars for being important and relevant. It gets another for getting down and dirty in the details of connecting with people. It doesn't get the fifth star for being verbose, sometimes repetitive, and for taking such an extreme stance when most of us are mere networking mortals. At its core, the ideas in this book are incredibly valuable, once you adapt them to your own personality.

He really has something to say, but he stresses too much on his personal accomplishments. The book seems to me very egocentric. He is also very subjective and ambiguous in some of his maxims. Sometimes I had the feeling that this book is part of his networking tools, using it to promote himself and friends. But there is good information in this book; you just have to bear with the style to extract it.

I am not a natural networker, so I found nuggets worth having in this book. I would recommend it to people who regard themselves as unproductively reticent. Many of the other reviews recount the book's strengths so I will focus just on my reservations.

1. Perspectiveless
Mr. Ferrazzi is wildly enthusiastic about the chance to meet people and sign deals. To most businessmen this is just a start, however. Good business starts with moments like this, but then goes on to substantial accomplishments. These accomplishments are invariably complex, as it requires addressing the needs of customers, employees, shareholders, fellow executives, creditors, suppliers and others. None of this comes into play in "Never Eat Alone". I can recall one sentence that acknowledged that a well-connected life can include complications like a spouse or child.

2. Inconsistent
An earlier review mentioned this point. Let me just confirm that I too found some of the authors positions in conflict. Mr. Ferrazzi comes very close to admitting getting burned out (who hasn't?) and finding relief in getting away (evidently to a meditation retreat, although that wasn't clear). It seems hard to reconcile that to the chapter entitled "Balance is B.S.".

3. Sometimes vague
This criticism is completely untrue of the first two-thirds of the book. However, having repeated himself rather often in that fraction, the author seems to have run out of concrete details in the last third. For example, in a late chapter he enthusiastically endorses mentor/mentee relationships. That seems very plausible, but it is unclear what is meant by the term. Does mentoring involve meeting with a young person once, twice, or regularly over a period of years? Much of the first part of the chapter revolves around Mr. Ferrazzi's relationship with his father, which is something more than a mentoring relationship. Then focus shifts to how he met his first boss/mentor, but that has only one paragraph that extends past the process by which he was recruited to his first post-MBA job.

4. Sometimes unfair.
The last chapter considers the question, "What is my legacy?" Fair enough. In response to a challenge in the last chapter, most people over the age of 40 will find it easier to recall the names of any three civil rights leaders than the last three CEOs of a large corporation (IBM, Wal-Mart, GM). But it is illiberal ask for any three people from one group versus three specific people from another, to ignore the obvious media bias, and to then wrap it all into the now-sacrosanct aura of the civil rights movement. Books designed to motivate should stay away from debating tricks.

If you, like Mr. Ferrazzi, are going to be the chief marketeer for a marketing company, then this may be just the book you need. If you need perspective on how connecting with others fits in with your myriad other skills, look elsewhere. But if you simply want advice on how to improve your ability to network, then this fits the bill.

So Keith went to a prestigious school. He repeats this over and over again from beginning to end. His book is 65% personal stories of meeting other VIPs, MBAs and PhDs, which could be motivational but leaves the reader in want to be inspired.
Keith apparently has no family ties or obligations, no spouse, no children, no parents to take care of. (Ironic when you reach the Health, Wealth and Children chapter.) He writes as if every other business man or woman is in the same care-free state of living as he. His life is "pinging" with colleagues and VIPs and making appointments 24/7 with as many prestigious and pedigreed people as possible and if he can't reach them, try the gateway lady (aka Admin. Assistant) because her only importance is her connection to the CEO. BTW, he never mentions taking the Admin. out to lunch.
He defends his way of living by saying that being balanced is B.S. I guess if you don't have a life either, by all means, have your lavish dinners and ping away.

Never Eat Alone is a rare, detailed glimpse into how those with no special access can connect to those they want to meet. For many people who are good at connecting, this activity becomes a way of life. It's a profession and a hobby. As such, connecting can become all consuming. Many will find that aspect of Mr. Ferrazzi's story to be unattractive. But I found his candor in this regard to be refreshing.

If you step back from his enthusiasm for connecting, the mental attitudes and processes he describes are just what everyone needs to use who wants to be better connected and accomplish more.

All of us know more than any one of us. If you take two equally talented young people in any field, the one who is better at connecting will live a more successful life than one who tries to go at everything as a lone ranger.

I have known dozens of master connectors. They all do some variation of what Mr. Ferrazzi describes in this book. Here is how I would distill those lessons:

1. Decide who you want to meet to further your objective of accomplishing more.
2. Learn more about the person.
3. Find what you can do to help that person in an area where they care.
4. Develop a strategy to meet briefly face to face.
5. Share what you want to do to help when you meet.
6. Stay in touch with more ways to help.
7. Attend events where other master connectors attend and link into fields which are not naturally yours by becoming acquainted with these master connectors.
8. Study those who are very good at this.

If you keep in mind the sheer pleasure of making a difference as you do this, you'll soon be a superb connector. I recommend undertaking this task on behalf of something you are passionate about such as a charity you support.

One of the best parts of this book is that Mr. Ferrazzi is generous in sharing his mistakes. The world doesn't end for you as a connecting queen or king if you offend a poo-bah. You just pick yourself up and do better next time.

I liked his humility about his limitations in other fields. Peter Drucker would have approved of Mr. Ferrazzi's decision to work on what he has a talent and love for, connecting, rather than try to become more competent at things that are difficult and unpleasant for him . . . like quantitative analysis. The story about how he got his start at Deloitte is worth the price of the book.

Another strength of the book can be found in the excellent description of why people find President Clinton to be so compelling in person.

Skip books about networking and relationship building. Read Never Eat Alone instead!