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Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I've Learned [Hardcover]

Alan Alda
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (138 customer reviews)


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Book Description

September 13, 2005
He’s one of America’s most recognizable and acclaimed actors–a star on Broadway, an Oscar nominee for The Aviator, and the only person to ever win Emmys for acting, writing, and directing, during his eleven years on M*A*S*H. Now Alan Alda has written a memoir as elegant, funny, and affecting as his greatest performances.

“My mother didn’t try to stab my father until I was six,” begins Alda’s irresistible story. The son of a popular actor and a loving but mentally ill mother, he spent his early childhood backstage in the erotic and comic world of burlesque and went on, after early struggles, to achieve extraordinary success in his profession.

Yet Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is not a memoir of show-business ups and downs. It is a moving and funny story of a boy growing into a man who then realizes he has only just begun to grow.

It is the story of turning points in Alda’s life, events that would make him what he is–if only he could survive them.

From the moment as a boy when his dead dog is returned from the taxidermist’s shop with a hideous expression on his face, and he learns that death can’t be undone, to the decades-long effort to find compassion for the mother he lived with but never knew, to his acceptance of his father, both personally and professionally, Alda learns the hard way that change, uncertainty, and transformation are what life is made of, and true happiness is found in embracing them.

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, filled with curiosity about nature, good humor, and honesty, is the crowning achievement of an actor, author, and director, but surprisingly, it is the story of a life more filled with turbulence and laughter than any Alda has ever played on the stage or screen.


Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Alan Alda's autobiography travels a path less taken. Instead of a sensationalist, name-dropping page-turner, Alda writes about his life as a memory play, an exercise in recollecting his childhood, his parents (dad Robert was a veteran on stage, film, and vaudeville), and his career. You want to know about Alda's most famous work, the eleven years on M*A*S*H? You have exactly 16 pages to do so, and guess what: It's one of the least entertaining parts of the book. But should fans of the award-winning actor-writer-director avoid this slim memoir? Not in the slightest. Slyly humorous and open-hearted, Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is a breezy, most enjoyable read. Alda's ability to recall his childhood (including backstage at raunchy vaudeville shows), school years, stage struggles and successes is as entertaining as one of his Emmy-winning teleplays. Alda is inordinately attune recalling life's crystallizing moments: when religion no longer worked for him, how something in his pocket made him forever a better actor, or his mother's painful descent into dementia. Alda's ever present humor is a great asset whether telling a charming love story on meeting his wife Arlene or a life-threatening illness in a remote part of Chile ("I am in and out of consciences, but I never take a break from the screaming. The show must go on."). Like Alda's persona, his book is more human and less flash. What would be filler in most books is often the mot entertaining and revealing here; especially Alda's dynamic relationship with his parents. Really, who else would name his memoir after an unfortunate trip to the taxidermist? The year the book was published during a revival for the 69-year-old; he was nominated for an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony in the same year. --Doug Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

"My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was six," actor and author Alan Alda writes at the beginning of his autobiography. The child of a well-known actor, Alda (born Alphonso D'Abruzzo) spent his early years on the road with a burlesque troupe. The time spent on the stage wings, watching his father perform, made a profound impact on the youngster, igniting a desire to entertain others that has stayed with him his entire life. Just as profound was his mother's losing battle with mental illness; Alda spent much of his adult life attempting to reconcile his resentment of her outbursts and unmanageable behavior coupled with her unbridled enthusiasm for life and encouragement. Fueled by a desire to learn and constantly question, Alda carves out his own path; he marries and starts a family while continuing to act and write. His enthusiasm for new experiences-improv, musical theater, television, film-enabled him to grow as an artist, resulting in better jobs. (Alda discussed his most famous role, as Hawkeye Pierce on M*A*S*H*, in 1985's The Last Days of M*A*S*H*.) Humble to a fault, Alda spends more time discussing his formative years than he does on his Emmies and Oscar nominations, which he glosses over. A significant chunk of the final third of the book is devoted to an epiphany Alda had after a health scare in Chile. It runs a bit long, but Alda's conversational style keeps the story on track. It's a brief but entertaining autobiography tempered with humility and a depth rarely found in celebrity memoirs.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Random House; First Edition edition (September 13, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1400064090
  • ISBN-13: 978-1400064090
  • Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 1 x 6.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (138 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #992,443 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Smart, funny, interesting book -- just like Alan Alda himself. Mom of Sons  |  73 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
100 of 104 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent deep autobiography September 17, 2005
Format:Hardcover
Highly regarded actor Alan Alda provides a deep autobiography, but not the usual kiss and tell scintillating tale of sin city. Instead his superbly written memoir grips readers starting with the stunning opening comment that "My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was 6 ..." and never lets up until he finishes his memoirs. Readers will gain an understanding of what has motivated Mr. Alda through his use of humor, charm, and the macabre such as the title of his book referring to sending the family's deceased pet Rhapsody to be stuffed by a taxidermist. Those readers seeking a Hollywood exposé need to search elsewhere as Mr. Alda has been married to the same woman for almost fifty years without referring to any side trysts. Even his long movie and TV career except for some intriguing insights into M*A*S*H is a quick glimpse with external anecdotes to remind him how fleeting fame is. Instead he concentrates on the major personal events like polio treatment or touring as a kid with his parents, his father being a star of burlesque so as a kid he traveled with the strippers, but especially his mom's schizophrenia that haunts him today with a fear he will join her in her dark room. This autobiography is one of the best out there as Mr. Alda lays out his soul including those demons eating at it, but never points the finger at his peers.

Harriet Klausner
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141 of 151 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Memories of a pioneer metrosexual September 14, 2005
Format:Hardcover
Emmy-award winning star of screen and stage, Alan Alda never was the prototypical Hollywood star. Now indelibly associated with MASH and the 1970's, his life was---and is----much more beyond Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce. In his own words, Alda's autobiography delivers a sentimental portrait of this second generation actor.

The son of actor Robert Alda, Alan knew that he also wanted to act from an early age. However there were some initial bumps to the dream being realized. In addition to coping with a childhood bout of polio, the younger Alda also dealt with a mentally ill mother. Using his trademark humor, Alda recounts how his love for mom existed alongside concern what she would do to the family and/or herself. Given what people were being treated with back then, keeping her at home was the infinitely more compassionate option-albeit not without its own challenges upon the family. Such experiences ultimately prompted Alan to develop his trademark sensitivity to others.

Family is a recurring theme throughout this book. In a profession where marriages are acquired and discarded like consumer goods, his 48-year marriage to Arlene really is something to brag about. They've also managed to raise three daughters, again defying the Hollywood odds of the `dysfunctional family' being an inevitable counterbalance to meteoric fame. I'm guessing the Washington D.C. `family values' crowd is too busy protecting the sanctity of marriage to take notice of somebody who actually illustrates it.

Politics is another theme running throughout this book. Bucking the route taken by many other leading men, Alda used his celebrity to lobby on behalf of the feminist movement. This involvement ultimately resulted in his being named an honorary co-chair (along with former Republican First Lady Betty Ford) of the Equal Rights Amendment ratification countdown campaign. The sincerity which Alda and wife Arlene (who contributed photos for Ms. Magazine) have for this cause is genuinely inspiring, it's not at all a case of him `helping the ladies' or being `politically correct'. His passion for social justice is noticeably missing from many of today's actors-who are content to let their female co-stars (say anything if at all) about women's equality. Alda was a pioneer metrosexual.

M*A*S*H itself is obviously given some space in this book. M*A*S*H worked when it did because a combination of good writers, directors, actors, and perfect political timing. The show was allegedly set in Korea but (as intended) viewers easily saw it as an anti-Vietnam war commentary. The medical personnel patching up soldiers in military hospitals received constant reminders that war is not `fun' or `just'.

Other sections in this book include Alda's movie work (Betsy's Wedding) and return to television acting with guest spots on ER (among other shows). I was gennuinely riveted to the story of his emergency appendectomy in Chile.

I'm still struck by the humility which this guy exhibits considering that M*A*S*H royalties essentially mean that he does not have to work today. Alda's book stresses that he has loved what he does.

This book belongs in the `few-but-proud' collection of celebrity memoirs actually having something of worth for readers. Alda waited so long to deliver this project (which he probably had thought about earlier) so he would be able to give the manuscript the full attention it deserved. The wait paid off because this product is one of the better biographies that I have read.
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34 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great writing from a nice guy September 27, 2005
Format:Hardcover
There's simply nothing wrong with this book. In prose that flows so smoothly you'll want to down the whole of it in one sitting Alan Alda, whose TV personae most of us will have admired for years, shows himself to be in real life an affable, intelligent, intellectually curious, normal, nice guy. Who can write well. He begins with one of the best first lines of a book I've ever read: "My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was six, but she must have shown signs of oddness before that." And he goes on to tell the story of his life in roughly chronological order: from a dysfunctional childhood spent in the wings of the burlesque theaters in which his father worked, to his own years--many of them--as a struggling actor, to the more lucrative period of his career.

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is not what one might expect of a celebrity memoir, not only because it is so very good but also because there is, you come to realize, so very little celebrity in it. Alda notices this himself about two-thirds of the way into the book in a prelude to his discussion of the amusing and unpleasant side effects of fame. ("This is what getting famous does to you, I thought. You wind up sending suicidal people form letters.") Alda does not here recite his stepping stones to greatness. He rather gives an honest account of his growth as an actor and a person over the years--how his intellect was challenged and changed, how he struggled to act rather than just perform. Nor does he shy away from self-criticism. There are no great faux pas to which Alda must confess, no substance abuse or extra-marital dalliances, but he does something arguably more difficult. He writes about the ambivalence he felt for his parents--his father Robert, with whom he often felt himself in competition, and his mentally ill mother. And he shows himself to have behaved badly toward his father, in particular, in small moments that apparently seared his conscience. Alda's discussions of his parents' deaths are the most poignant of the book.

Unsurprisingly, Alda is also sometimes funny in the book ("Apparently, you can offer to disembowel me, but I'll still see if I can make you laugh.") But he is nothing at all like the smooth-talking, gregarious, Groucho-esque character he played in M*A*S*H. That Alda does not share Hawkeye's personality did not surprise me. Why should he? But I was surprised that in reading Alda's memoir I almost forgot about M*A*S*H and Hawkeye Pierce completely.

Obviously this book comes very highly recommended. Buy it and enjoy it. Like me you may find yourself reading the last page very slowly in a vain attempt to keep it from ending.

Reviewed by Debra Hamel, author of Trying Neaira: The True Story of a Courtesan's Scandalous Life in Ancient Greece
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Surprising...
Alan Alda is a good writer and I really enjoyed his thoughts and memories of his life...I expected more humor but instead I got an interesting narative and well some observations... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Jill Zinner
5.0 out of 5 stars Yes!
Fans of Alan Alda will really appreciate this but people who don't know who he is/aren't familiar with his work (watch M*A*S*H* immediately!) will also take something away from it. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Rachel James
4.0 out of 5 stars Really great book
The book was funny and at times shocking, but Alan Alda's humor ran through the book even in the sad places. How he ever grew up to be an adult is amazing.
Published 1 month ago by Grandma
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
I've never been a big fan but of course I've watched him act for many years and enjoyed it but his book by far is even more interesting. He's had a very interesting life.
Published 2 months ago by Mike
5.0 out of 5 stars Never Have Your Dog Stuffed
I was captured by the title which reminded me of our neighbors who had their Fido stuffed! This was Alan Alda reflecting back to the key turning points in his life. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Nancy L. Buchan
5.0 out of 5 stars Sad, funny and poignant
I listened to the audiobook of this on a plane, and it was one of the only times in my life i wished the plane ride was longer. this was funny, insightful, and inspiring. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Reviewer X
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, wise and well-written: Bravo, Alan Alda!
Full of fascinatingly funny stories and anecdotes, and amusing family dysfunction, this very well written memoir by Alan Alda was a big surprise to me. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Kathleen P. Brannon
2.0 out of 5 stars Boring
I got tired reading about him,him, and him and not really saying anything about the people in his life, I always felt that about him and I guess I was right.
Marcie Georgetti
Published 5 months ago by marcie georgetti
5.0 out of 5 stars Alan Alda is great, as always.
Witty, funny, interesting, that is Alda's biography. You won't put it down before you finish it. Laugh and cry with Alda.
Published 6 months ago by Valeria Camargo
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it!
Alan has written a warm, funny & sincere work with this book. I would sometimes laugh & sometimes I would feel sad when I read it. Read more
Published 6 months ago by P. Howden
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