Customer Reviews

Never be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth in Five Minutes or Less in Any Conversation or Situation

5 star:		(78)
4 star:		(24)
3 star:		(16)
2 star:		(20)
1 star:		(27)

 

 

I've never given one star, but this was the closest I have come in a long time.

After reading "Never Be Lied to Again" I was shocked to see people had rated it so high. I am a fifth year grad student studying psychology and law. While detecting deceit is not my primary area of research, I have read a decent amount of the literature. The information in this book seems to conflict with some of the most widely accepted findings in the research community. For example, Dr. Lieberman claims that when someone is lying they do not give details because "the event never happened." However, empirical research shows that people tend to give "too many" details, because they are trying to convince you. There are several discrepancies of this nature.

Dr. Lieberman says this book was a result of his own research. Out of curiosity, I entered his name in a PsycINFO word search. PsycINFO is a database of over 2000 psychological journals, most of them peer reviewed (and, therefore, accepted by others who study the topic). Dr. Lieberman's name did not produce any results. Books are troublesome in that regard. You can write anything you want and pass it off as fact. He also proudly displays those three all-important-letters behind his name, but he never says where he earned his Ph.D. I am not suggesting he got his degree on-line, but it would be nice if he added that information to the biography section.

To be fair, I am guess I'm not the target audience for this book. It's really more of a pop-culture book. The kind of thing advertised on the Today Show. But it troubles me that some of the information is wrong. Two good things about this book:

1. It is definitely a quick read that you could finish in a day or two. But that is because all the wasted space between chapters and sections. There are over 200 pages in the book but without the wasted space it would have been closer to about 125. Of course, nobody would buy it then.

2. I guess it would look good on your shelf, if you are into that kind of thing. As long as others haven't read it you could probably convince them that you learned a lot in the book and can tell when they are lying.

Ironically, one of the sections is entitled "A White Lab Coat Doesn't Make Anyone an Expert." Having a Ph.D. doesn't either. Bottom line, I am kicking myself for paying full price for this book. If you can get one for 5 or 6 bucks (or if money is no object), and you interested by the mixed reviews, why not give it a try? But don't get your hopes up. I personally won't be buying anymore of his books.

The book is allright. It helps if the person who's lying to you feels guilty about it. Or perhaps if they are telling a white lie, and you want to get the truth. But, if the guy doesn't care that he's lying, this book won't help. It's all based on anxiety leaking through body language. Therefore, it also will identify a shy or self conscious person as a liar. Another problem: if the person is lying to himself AND you, it doesn't help either. Because the person REALLY BELIEVES what he is saying is true, even if it's not. This book identified an old girlfriend of mine as being sincere, even though she was lying, because she had fooled herself into believing what she was saying. Not altogether too useful for sorting through mixed / contradictory messages.

This work has numerous techniques for any person to use in getting to the truth. Some of these techniques are obvious and others need further study. If you are expecting to read the book and immediately use the techniques effectively, you will be disappointed. As with most jackets on books, boastful promises and claims on this work are similar to the late night info commercials seen on cable TV. I have been studying NLP, nonverbal communication, and personality styles for 34 years and found the author's approach at times confusing and scattered. It takes practice and patience to learn these methods. There is no "5 minutes to the truth" in the real world. However, Dr. Lieberman does have numerous practical examples and scenarios to guide the reader in the life long process of understanding yourself and others. Read the book; it is a good investment!

Another great book from the author that I have come to consider one of the most enlightened professionals in the field of human behavior. Dr. David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. has written several books that have been translated into several languages and are consistently best sellers because he truly understands the psychological principles that affect us. Yet he has an easy writing style that is easy to follow and easy to understand.

This is a stellar book for those wishing to understand deception and how to uncover the truth. Like all books of this type it provides a wealth of information but you have to apply this information. I decided to try practicing by using some of the techniques on the television game show "To tell the truth". While this is not the best situation because the camera often leaves the contestants and it would be better to be able to view them all at all times, it is still a good place to practice. Did it work? Well, at the beginning I was getting the right person about one third of the time. A week later I was finding out who was lying ninety percent of the time! Now that is an excellent improvement!

Okay, detecting when you are being lied to is one thing. Finding out the truth can be another. Dr. Lieberman has received some criticism for this section of the book. It seems that many people have problems with some of the techniques. That is not to say that they are ineffective, they work well. Some people have problems with such things as "leading questions" or feel that you are being deceptive when you ask an open-ended question. What parent has not enjoyed the surprises that come forth after telling their child "I know what you did and it will go easier on you if you just confess now". Of course the child is wondering what thing that the parent knows about because they want to confess to the thing they know about and get a lesser punishment. But they don't want to confess to things the parent doesn't know about.

To have a problem with doing the same thing puts one in the position of having to defend the idea that something that is wrong to do with adults is okay with children because they are somehow less deserving of respect. Or, perhaps, an adult who is lying to you is more deserving of respect than a child who is being honest with you. Not a position that I would want to be in.

Well, if you still have a problem with some of the techniques of getting to the truth then you can just try confronting them with the lies that you have uncovered. Remember that I successfully moved my ability to detect lies from one third to ninety percent just by using the information and not interacting with the person on the television at all. All I had to do was watch them and listen to what they said.

I thought that it was great that he also included a chapter on being our own worst enemy... when we lie to ourselves.

In summary, it is a highly recommended book and very useful. It details why you should suspect lying in various circumstances and how to confirm those suspicions. Is it effective? Yes. However, if you are dealing with a problem of a friend, co-worker or someone else that you have to deal with on a regular basis lying to you then I would recommend a couple of additional books to help you confront them diplomatically and maintain the relationship. One would be "Words that Hurt, Words that Heal" and the other would be "Get Anyone to Do Anything".

I am a communication scholar, and study deception. I believe readers will be offended when they learn the book makes cites NO references or studies to support the claims advanced. Has this advice ever been tested? The image of deception portrayed is far too simplistic and may do more harm than good. For example, Lieberman does not address reasons for lying, individual and cultural differences, or ways we encourage lies in our relationships. Studies demonstrate that we are terrible lie detectors, often doing no better than chance alone. Unfortunately, this book may give people false confidence and create strained relationships, a loss of trust, etc. Lieberman assumes that knowing the truth is always beneficial. However, people lie primarily for pro-social reasons and to protect hurt feelings. If Lieberman believes lying is wrong, why does he advocate lying to get at "truth"? A much more useful and credible book for the general public is Ekman's "Telling Lies". Another is Cialdini's "Influence" in that it explains how we are persuaded, rather than promoting paranoia about normal behavior. A more complex book is "Deceptive Communication" by Miller and Stiff.

Mark my words: this book is going to change the way people relate to each other--for the better. I would have given it five stars but I took one away because to some degree it shows people how to become better at lying. I know this wasn't the intention of the book, but it does this nonetheless.

Overall the book is truly astounding. The techniques are not just common sense advice, they use proven, practical systems for lie detection. What I found most surprising is just how fast you can tell if you're being lied to. It really does take only two to three minutes.

There's a section called MIND GAMES and an other called ADVANCED TECHNIQUES. Check these out first, they work for me almost every single time.

And a fun read too. It's not dry at all. The book is broken down into many sections so you can learn something new every couple of pages.

"how to confuse nervous, low self-esteem, or socially inept people with dishonest people", and at the same time have a false self-confidence that will leave you wide open to skilled liars and psychopaths. This collection of 60s pop psychology and body language promised much but delivered little.

Studies by at least 15 psychiatrists sitting on my desk clearly show that there is at best a 56% chance of a skilled investigator detecting a lie. There is at most a 70% chance of detecting a truth. Since most of us expect truths to be stated, this allows for the disproportionate numbers above simple chance.

Looking to the left or right is in most pop culture lie detection books but has never been backed by one study! It is considered a defacto rule without support. Additionally, fidgeting, moving, finger manipulation, gaze aversion, are ALL signs of truths, not lies. Cognitive load during lying will cause the liar to focus and as a result, external activity shows a marked slow down in ALL studies! It was also proven that gaze aversion is cultural and in pop science, someone has to look you in the eye for the statement to be truthful. In reality, someone purposefully looking you in the eyes while making a statement is an intentional act of deception.

If you are looking for a lie, you'll find one. You'll have at most a 50% chance of being correct. There is a long exhaustive process, which goes far beyond this book, and as a result, you can hope to reach a 56%-60% success rate. This book will not provide that 10% leverage. Read the Aldert Vrij book "Detecting Lies and Deceit". Don't expect an easy read since most of the book calls references and case studies. I can usually read a book in a day or two. This book has taken a week. The Leiberman book took several hours.

For the life of me I do not understand a reviewer's criticism of Never Be Lied to Again. I know people in law enforcement who use the techniques in this book and are very grateful for them. Some of the critics of this system say that it is wrong to use deception to get at the truth. (As Dr. Lieberman suggests is sometimes necessary). Well I live in the real world and if these techniques help to keep a rapist or a child abuser off the streets, then it has done its job. This book is effective and greatly needed. If the methods offend you and you don't care that your spouse is cheating on you or your employees are ripping you off, then don't read the book. But on behalf of us in the real world, thank you Dr. Lieberman.

This book begins with body language signs that are supposed to reveal how the other person is feeling or if he's telling the truth. The problem with this book (as well as numerous others) is that they present an easy-to-understand system of rules and make the reader believe that every person fits into that system. This is also the reason why such books sell good. They make everything look so simple - crossing one's legs means feeling insecure, touching one's face means lying and so on. No need to do any thinking.

If you were to pay credence to Mr. Lieberman and the likes, it would, for example, turn out that on meetings, my boss is feeling confident for 10-15 minutes (sitting with legs open), then feeling insecure for 10-15 minutes (sitting legs crossed), then feeling confident again for 10-15 minutes, and so on. Such explanation would, of course, be utter nonsense. The obvious truth is that he simply gets physically uncomfortable sitting in the same position for a long time. Everyone does. So, when you notice that he has crossed his legs once again, it would be most unreasonable to assume that something suddenly made him feel insecure, and basing your actions on that assumption is rather unlikely to give you any good results.

I could bring other just as obvious examples which I have learned either from my own experience or from good body language books. Unfortunately, there are lots of people who have read a couple of books like this one and walk around ripping other people's lives apart. There's no point telling them when they (again) turn out to be dead wrong. No, they are firmly convinced that they know exactly what kind of a person you are and how you are feeling at this very moment. After all, it was written in a book.

To cut the long story short - the only thing Mr. Lieberman's book is good for is for learning how people who are under the influence of this kind of books might interpret your body language, so that you will know to avoid body language that can get interpreted negatively. Consciously bringing your body language into accordance with the Holy Books of Pop Psychology seems indeed to be easier than making all those wannabe-psychologists out there realize that they should stop blindly relying on those over-simplistic books and instead make some effort to learn to know the other person how he really is.