Customer Reviews

I Never Liked Those C-130's Anyway

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Two years ago my friend John Cahill told me he was writing a book.
"What's it about?" I asked.
"This guy I know, Malcolm Smith, flew in the Coast Guard. He has some great stories about his experiences."
Instantly my mind went in two directions. First, I pictured war documentaries aired at five o'clock in the morning--hours of dull information I don't want to know. Open-minded person that I am, I quickly wrote the book off. Simultaneously, I thought of another friend, Steve Ward. Unlike me, Steve was very interested in airplanes, and any time a plane went overhead, he would identify it as a B-26 or a C-593. Actually, these may not exist, for I have just made them up; to me all the numbers were meaningless. I was also reminded of Steve's passionate idea to make a movie about the WASPs--not the insects, but a group of adventurous young women who flew planes in WWII. I knew that--though I probably had no interest in John Cahill's book--Steve Ward would. I'd buy a copy, give it to Steve, and let him tell me about it.
"Oh, that's great," I said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than I felt. "Let me know when it's done. I'll buy a copy."
Time passes both too quickly and not quickly enough. A year ago, in February, 2003, Steve Ward died. In September, 2003 seven months later, Malcolm Smith, with J. Wilfred Cahill, published I NEVER LIKED THOSE C-130'S ANYWAY: MEMORIES OF TWENTY YEARS IN THE U.S. COAST GUARD.
Perhaps in a vain subconscious wish to bring Steve Ward back, I bought not one, but two copies. They lay on my desk for months. I don't have much time to sit down and read, but I spend a lot of time on the road and listen to a lot of tapes. Each time I ran into John Cahill, I'd apologize for not having got to the book yet, and then complain that if it were out on audio, I'd have listened to it already. John said they were working on the audio version, but didn't care if I read the book, so long as I had bought it.
Finally, I couldn't take any more Cahill encounters, not having read the book. The world is unpredictable, espcially the world of literature, and you just don't always know what lies under the next unlikely looking cover. The surprise for me was a wonderfully readable and highly entertaining collection of anecdotes, masterfully told by Malcolm Smith on to tape, and transcribed by John Cahill. The stories are short, but interesting, and always involve either a prank or a screw-up. I have never encountered another book quite like it. The nearest thing I can think of is a book my mother gave me called PECK'S BAD BOY AND HIS PA. I was sick in bed at the time and I think that book helped me get better, for it celebrated, through the consecrated written word of a published book, tales of mischief and shenanigans.
Having never had any direct experience with any branches of the military or its associated arms, my impression of the whole business has always been one of seriousness, order, discipline and drudgery. Malcolm Smith's stories humanize and humorize these stereotypes. What emerges from his book are the experiences of a man endowed with average gifts and foibles, but an extraordinary sense of humor and penchant for fun. Through his stories, Malcolm Smith reveals a Coast Guard institution big-hearted enough to allow his whole human being--one that did not necessarily fit into any particular mold--to grow within the system to his own natural potential, as an exceptional officer and pilot, much loved by his fellow "Coasties". I have never considered any branch of the services for myself, but Malcolm Smith makes me feel that I might have missed something great in not having been there.
Steve Ward would have loved this book. Hell, I really enjoyed it and I'm not even interested in airplanes or the Coast Guard. At least, I wasn't. Now, at least I know the difference between an H-52 and a C-130.
Thanks, Malcolm, for remembering and telling your stories, and thanks, John, for turning them into a book.
Malcolm Smith's stories may well become widely read and enjoyed. One day we will be able to remember when they were first published and that we were among the first to hear them. Rumor has it that this first collection includes only those stories which the author felt he could tell without getting himself into trouble. If there are more as good as these, here's one reader who looks forward to hearing them.

This is your father's coast guard; but not the one I had envisioned! This book is hard to put down. There are chuckles galore. I keep it bedside now and open it to random pages for a quick mood lift. Haven't done that in a while! The Coast Guard is one of our nations best kept secrets.

I just happened to pick this book up a few weeks ago, wanting something to read that would hold my interest and maybe give me a few light moments. This book did the trick. I have read the other reviews, good and not so good. For me, this was an enjoyable book. I don't care a bit about grammatical errors, or a writers background or personal life. And it certainly has NO PLACE in a book review. Review the BOOK, THATS what it is about. Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet.
The book was a good read because I happen to know that Mr. Smith is one of the most heroic pilots in Alaskan history. I have read Sebastian Junger, Spike Walker, The Hilstrands, most of the books written about Alaska and I have to say that this book was among those that were very enjoyable. I admire Mr. Smiths accomplishments and heroics. We all make mistakes so lets just enjoy the read for what it is worth and STOP the bitterness and finger pointing. I know this review business is the arena to say what you really feel about any book, but when it hits below the belt then it has gone too far.
Thank you Malcolm Smith for writing this book and I hope you write more.

I rarely get a laugh from books but this one had me with tears in my eyes from laughing. It was very funny and the best part reminded me of some of my antics in the Air Force. Well worth the read.

I decided to write this because I am at this link anyway to buy another copy of the book. I had a copy but trusted my old boss(a week-end pilot) to return it upon finishing, instead he forwarded it on to a relative in Alaska who is some big shot at one of the Air Force bases. I had previously stopped my brother-in-law (a Coast Guard Vet.also a week-end pilot)from lifting my copy a year earlier.The point being any pilot or anyone who has had the desire to fly will love this book, if you are or have been in the US Military I think it would add to the enjoyment. Watching the "Deadliest Catch" on the Discovery Channel and seeing video of Malcolm describe a rescue he was involved with in Alaska waters lent a face to attach to his personality. The book is well written and Smith and Cahill should present us with the sequel.

I was given the opportunity to read this book by Malcom's step-daughter. I have met Malcom and have known him to be a man of stature, that commands respect. Not to say that I never knew him to have a sense of humor, he certainly does, and many of the stories told in this book are repeated around the dinner table in the presence of family and friends, but his book introduced me to a side of him I may never have had the opportunity to meet all at once. The collection of stories in this book reveal a man who, while serving in a serious position, may have also gotten himself into some serious trouble, and the circumstances are quite hilarious. Im sure Malcom may have several more stories to tell about the rest of his life's adventures outside of the Coast Guard and I will be looking forward to the next book should one ever be released.

I read this book cover to cover in about 2 days because it was so funny and I couldn't put it down. My husband is a pilot and hearing these stories just crack me up! I sent one to my brother hoping it would provide many hours of entertainment, and it did... great book!

I too wrote a book about my four years in the Coast Guard aboard 3 different CG cutters, boot camp, etc. I can especially enjoy Malcolm's story, as it's similar to all us former military folks. He's four years younger, however we shared similar situations in similar times in growing up.

Definitely a good read for all and especially any kid in or just out of high school without a future at present. The military opened doors for me as it did for many. His book and mine are just a few of thousands that clearly make this point.

Like mine, it's a two day read if you hang in there.

Semper Paratus

DICK JUGE
Arthur
'The Historic Northwest Passage and the CGC STORIS: The story of a young man growing up in the Coast Guard in the 1950s'

I didn't know what to expect in reading "I never liked those C-130's anyway". Half way through chapter 1 I was hooked. Having served in the U.S. Navy I immediately related to the "sea stories" being told. Great memories, great laughs. Anyone that has served in the armed forces will enjoy this book, particularly coasties and swabbies.

My wife surprised me with the book as a gift, thinking that as a Coast Guard officer I would enjoy it. I looked forward to the read, and I just finished it today, cover to cover, during a cross-country flight on my way to a temporary duty assignment. Contrary to the other reviewers, I did not enjoy this book. In fact, it troubled me to the point that I felt compelled to write this review.

First, this book is rife with typographical errors. The punctuation errors are frequent enough to be a distraction. The substance - which is simply an amalgam of humorous anecdotes - is fragmented and disjointed, and often repeats facts that had already been revealed, or omits pertinent background information that would be helpful to the reader. The author seems to have written and self-published this book primarily for the entertainment of his friends, and probably succeeded in that objective. However, while the stories are likely endearing to those who either served with the author or had similar experiences, they reveal a troubling, unprofessional aspect of the service that is best forgotten. This last point is the major flaw I felt compelled to address.

Some of the anecdotes are indeed humorous and entertaining - like putting training wheels on the CO's bicycle, or conning a fellow pilot into thinking ear plugs could be chewed like bubblegum. That's why I gave this book two stars instead of one. But far too many involve conduct that is not only unacceptable from the standpoint of today's military, but also downright disgraceful.

To name a few: committing an assault and battery against a C-130 aircraft commander while in flight, and implying that the assailant was somehow justified because the aircraft commander did not delay takeoff when the assailant failed to report on time; describing pranks by deck seamen that crossed the line from humorous to mean-spirited (i.e. intentionally flecking paint primer on the unwitting members of the ship's command during an inspection); making light of a severe injury inflicted upon a SAR evacuee during a helicopter rescue hoist; the author ruining the career of a LORAN station Commanding Officer by visiting the station and engaging in (drunken) conduct unbecoming an officer, resulting in the CO's relief but no adverse consequences to the author; and finally, the book's title (and the photograph on the front cover) which involves the total destruction of a Coast Guard helicopter and severe damage to a C-130 cargo plane - a mishap brought about by the author's own poor judgment which, incidentally, almost caused his own demise.

The back cover describes the author's career as bridging the "Old Guard" and the "New Guard" - if this review seems dour, it could be because current Coasties like myself might just not "get it." Certainly, one could get away with a lot more, and things probably were more fun, back before political correctness ruined the mood throughout the Armed Forces. However, there is a line between mere irreverence and conduct that is outright disrespectful, derelict, and in some cases, criminal.

Perhaps this book would have been worthwhile if the shenanigans were balanced with positive exploits by the author - after all, his biography notes that he received two Air Medals - but unfortunately the sole focus is on events that paint the Coast Guard as a collection of hooligans and incompetents. If this book is an accurate reflection of the "Old Guard" that so many former Coasties lament as being dead and buried, then good riddance to it.

Unless you know the author and/or served in the "Old Guard," give this book a pass.