Customer Reviews

Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent

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This book sounded like a good one...I loved the title and hoped for more than I found inside. The author keeps teasing, "If you went through the death of your parent, read on for practical help!" Chapter after chapter is filled with this entreaty. It gets annoying to read this plea in every chapter! Finally, the very last chapter in the book consists of 10 suggestions for moving on from the death of a parent. They are very simplistic and not worth reading the entire book to get.

I lost my mother when I was 10, and it is something I will never truly recover from. It has shaped my life from that time forward, and made me who I am. I read a lot of books about people who lose a parent in their childhood, just to see what other people have gone through. My dad was not a very interactive parent either, so I consider myself an orphan in some ways. I think there are better books about healing from the loss of a parent.

I avoided the television Sunday evening and sat down with a book. I spent my time well! I chose Donna Schuurman's new book, Never The Same - Coming To Terms With The Death Of A Parent (from St. Martin's Press, New York, 2003).

Adults who have experienced the death of a parent during childhood must read Never The Same. Family members, friends, and support professionals who wish to better understand the impact that parental loss has on children throughout their life should also read Donna's book. This book blends scholarly and anecdotal research with the compassionate exploration of some of the roots of thoughts and feelings experienced by adults who mourn the death of a parent during their early years.

Schuurman offers more than a simple list of "here's how you may be affected by the parental death in your past." While reading Donna's book, I felt the two of us were sitting down in a one-on-one relationship, with Donna exploring, coaching, and guiding me along the path of grief.

Never The Same reads like a storybook, a textbook, a workbook, and a guidebook -- all in one. The dust cover of the book contains this statement: Although we can't relive childhood, we can choose to live healthier, fuller lives. From opportunities for introspection to the practical suggestions for dealing with childhood loss, Donna Schuurman's book provides tools for healing and moves the reader toward a healthier, fuller life!

Danny Mize
Executive Director of The Kids' Place support group center for grieving families in central Oklahoma

Those who work with grieving children, live with grieving children or who ARE grieving children within grown-up bodies will benefit from this book. Schuurman has evaluated much, if not all of the research, available on the impact of early parental loss. She condenses academic theory so it can be used easily by anyone working in this field. Of particular help is HER interpretation and explanation of how grieving stage theory is typically misused when working with REAL PEOPLE. For those of us who experienced parental loss before age 19, her approach is conversational and warm but direct. The questionaires are particularly thought AND feeling provoking.

Vicki Braun
Executive Director, The Oak Tree Corner Program for Grieving Children DAYTON OH

I was so hopeful when I picked up this book. As an adult who lost a parent during my childhood and as a professional who has worked with grieving children for more than 25 years, I was looking forward to reading this book with the hope that it would be an invaluable resource. Unfortunately, although easy to read, I was disappointed. There are better books out there. I recommend anything by Alan Wolfelt or Never Too Young To Know by Phyllis Silverman. If a child has a serious or terminally ill parent, I highly recommend Wendy Harpham's books. If you are an adult who lost a parent during your childhood, take a look at The Loss That Is Forever by Maxine Harris or Hope Edelman's classic, Motherless Daughters.

Never The Same is a book that weaves a straight talking, light-hearted tone with accurate academic information. My father died when I was eleven and through my subsequent studies, I can see the relevancy of its contents.

Dr. Schuurman uses her experience and anecdotes from children and families at the Dougy Center to aid the reader in understanding the bereavement issues discussed.

I have shared this book with adults who attend our Center. Overwhelmingly they agree that reading Never the Same sheds light on their childhood history and provides insight into the current (and possibly future) experiences of their bereaved children.

One of the best things Shuurman has done is to include questionnaires triggering memories that provide insights. This book is easy to read and written with a hopeful tone.

If you, or anyone you know, had a parent die in childhood, drop everything and read this book. Dr. Schuurman's wisdom, humor, and conventional style engages the reader with thought-provoking insight and practical suggestions. This is not 'just another' self-help book: it could, quite literally, change lives.

Never the Same gives information for adults about their experiences with a parent's death during childhood that clarifies, for many, the issues carried into adulthood. Specifically this book addresses intrapersonal and interpersonal issues stemming from the death of a parent.

Reading this book not only gives hope for those investigating the impact of a parent's death but also gives specific recommendations about what can be done now in an adult's life.

Those to whom I've recommended this book have joyously thanked me for giving them an easy to read personal inventory. Dr. Schuurman has intersperced Never the Same with activities and inventories designed to integrate the past with the present.

It is the first book of its kind that I've seen. Buy it now and you won't be disappointed.

I purchased this book when I lost my mother. While I am sure the book is of value, it is geared toward those who have lost their parents as CHILDREN, not as adults. I didn't find it applicable to what I was looking for.

This practical, sensible guide has a permanent place on my bookshelf. Like a stone thrown in a pond, the death of parent will impact a child or teen forever. Anything to ease this process is a gem.

very good book and great seller.. book was as desrcibed and shipped fast and reasonably..