Customer Reviews

Never Tell Our Business to Strangers: A Memoir

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(16)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I've just finished this book and my head is still spinning a bit. It's difficult to sum it up in a neat review, because the writing and the story itself are uneven. There are many moments of gritty honesty and revelations about how love can survive beyond all reason, but there are also pages of repetitiveness and navel-gazing.

In short, Jennifer grows up in a volatile household-- it's filled with cursing and screaming and walking out and her dad getting arrested and several episodes of adults smacking and kicking her... and yet there's also love. I would think that most kids growing up in this kind of family would wind up bitter and hateful toward her parents, but she manages the opposite. She's attached to them in ways that go beyond "normal." As she herself realizes toward the end of the book, it felt cult-like. Her parents' crimes, being on the lam, and all the covering up, created this insultated threesome who depended on each other and emotionally unloaded on each other all the time.

For the first half, I admired Jennifer for managing to love her parents so deeply despite their screw-ups, crimes, and even their abandonment (like leaving her with a drug-addicted aunt). By the end, though, I was too bothered by their crimes and no longer understood Jennifer's fierce loyalty and love for them. It was hard to swallow that she judged her mother for staying married to a murderer, while at the same time talking about how much she loves her dad still and wants to hug him when she thinks about him sitting in prison writing letters to find loopholes to get out, or his affair with his wife's sister, or whatever. In other words, if she thinks her mother should have walked away from a murderer, why shouldn't she hold herself to the same standard? What he did was deplorable, and it seems an insult to his victims' families to still talk about him lovingly.

The other thing that bothered me was the incessant crying. On literally every third page or so, the author is describing scenes of weeping. Weeping in public, sobbing in each other's arms, sobbing on the phone... again, at first, this was sort of comical ("emotional Italians!"), but by the end, I felt like it was a strange need to document every moment that ever made her or anyone she knew cry.

Then there's the issue of the ending, which comes abruptly in a "Now I'm going to tie it all together and tell you what I've learned" sort of way, and it doesn't end with a natural conclusion... I hoped that it would have a more promising ending, with Jennifer being married or in a good relationship, or with children of her own, or something else that gives us a sense that she's making good on these thoughts about not repeating the cycle. As it is, it's pretty remarkable that she's as sane as she is... it's impressive that she didn't seem to soak in much of her parents' morals.

All of the book's faults aside, I still really liked it. It was a perspective on life I've never read before, and there were some genuine moments of insight, and some moments of very good writing. Had it gone through stricter editing, this might have been a 5-star book. As it stands, it feels more like a "diamond in the rough" than a fully realized book.

Jennifer Mascia's memoir of a life spent on the lam with her larcenous parents (one of whom was a mob shooter and a cocaine addict) is surprisingly relatable, even for those of us who haven't had criminals for parents. The writing is not slick or seamless, but conversational in a way that makes the first three-quarters of the book highly engaging.

For me, the book broke down after the death of Mascia's charismatic, mysterious father. The recounting of her mother's illness, decline, and death and of Mascia's research into her father's criminal history seemed less well-written than what had come before, and seemed repetitive and merely personal -- it was less transcendent than the earlier parts of the book that detailed the family's vivid ups and downs.

Even so, the book is worth a read, especially if you're Italian, New York Italian, or interested in mob stuff or psychology.

this seemingly never ending book is redundant--if boredom and repetition could kill the author would be in the same league as her father. this is the story of a murderous ex-con drug dealer who is himself a philandering drug addict and his wife who met him in prison where she was visiting another boyfriend (classy lady!). The wife is aware her husband is a murderer and low rent dirt bag but she's one too so they become a couple. then they decide that their drug soaked life of crime should include a child so the author is born. in her book, she states over and over and over and over how horrified she is by their crimes but truth is her tone conveys she secretly thinks it's somehow romantic and glamorous. she has aggrandized the two derelicts so much that she tries to portray them as criminals with hearts of gold. people who kill people, sell drugs, steal, use drugs etc., but who are really swell anyway. the author is entitled to love her parents despite their amoral and criminal conduct but her desperate and poorly edited effort to make us love them too and understand her love for them is lame. her parents were just two losers like many others. the fact that they had a child who loves them does not change who they were, what they were or excuse what they did.

While this book is interesting, it is not at all what I thought it would be. In fact, I felt like I had been a bit duped by the jacket summary and the cover. I thought that the book was going to have more to do with the author living with a parent/or parents who were criminals. In fact, the author's father did have a criminal past, but it predated the author's birth (although the author does witness her father being arrested - - I will not mention why - - spoiler). The book is largely about the author's strained relationship with her parents and the co-dependent lives that they lead. While the author does give a very detailed description of her experiences living through her parents illnesses, which might be interesting to some people, it is not what I believed the book was going to be about, and I was therefore disappointed. I was not looking for a book about living through toxic child/parent relationships, but if I had been this would have been a much more satisfying read.

I was really looking forward to reading this book, having had a similar childhood myself. While I enjoyed reading it, I must also confess that at times I found it slightly unbelievable that the author seems to remember thoughts, experiences, minute details and entire conversations--many of which are rather mature in nature--from an extremely young age. This took away from the credibility of the story for me, but only a little, as there's every possibility that her memories were augmented by later conversations and experiences.

Having said all that, it's obvious that Ms. Mascia did in fact live this haywire life, as there are certain experiences she describes that only someone who lived it would know about. It's a confusing life for a child, and I recognized so many of the situations and questions (and answers that never quite made sense, but you accepted them anyway... how many years can daddy be "away at college"?) she describes. And it carries into your life as an adult; the jury duty anecdote made me howl with laughter because it mirrored one of my jury duty experiences exactly. Actually I often felt like I was reading parts of my own life story. But while so much of it was funny to me because it was so familiar, it will be enlightening--and often amusing--to readers who are unfamiliar with these situations in real life.

This is an entertaining, absorbing and touching read, and you will be fascinated whether you've lived "the life" or not. But if you have, be prepared for a trip down memory lane that you may or may not welcome, depending on your outlook. I gave it an extra star because I know for a fact just how hard it is to adequately describe growing up this way.

You know the old expression, "A child only a parent could love?" Welcome to a story of parents that only a child could love. This is a horribly troublesome read with its redundancy and poorly edited style. This family is far from the All-American family - aren't we all? But this family is worthy of Jerry Springer. It's understandable that Jennifer would love her parents and justify so much, but to share it with the world and expect us to accept such tripe? Boring and full of filler, this book was better left unpublished. It was probably good for Jennifer to write, but it should have stayed in the nightstand drawer.

Like other reviewers, I was attracted to this book based on the promo description. However, the book really did not live up to my expectations. It could have been interesting reading about this mob family and learning more about their double lives and dark sides--as well as about their redeeming qualities. However, the author was a bit too whiney for me. It isn't that she hasn't endured her fair share of hardship, or that I don't feel sorry for her that she had so many negative experiences with her family. It's just that, in the end, I did not feel invested in her story. At many points I couldn't relate to her reactions or feelings toward her family. She was sad when I would have been angry, accepting when I would have condemned. I guess I can't fault her for that, but I just felt like this book ended up being more whiney and self-indulgent than interesting. Overall, this was an okay read, but nothing spectacular.

There are over 2 million children (or roughly 2 of every 100) in America with a parent in prison. That means at my child's school you could fill a class with these kids. And yet many think they don't know a single child in that situation. It's easy to tell a child how they should feel or how you think you would feel to discover a parent was a felon. All a child knows is what sort of parent they have. Is he a good dad, is she an attentive mom? Kids don't really care about the things adults know are important. Your mother or father isn't measured in your heart by their worth to society, only their worth to you. Family feelings are complicated things. So all those children, 2 million at any given time, they grow up. And they learn that the lesson of their childhood - keep your mouth shut - applies in the adult world as well. So the silence continues. There are millions of Americans who have grown up in tumultuous homes, under shady circumstances, with secret families, and they keep their mouth shut. Never Tell Our Business To Strangers breaks that silence beautifully.

If you're reading this, you've probably already read Jennifer Mascia's review of her book and I wish you hadn't. This honest examination of her upbringing is enhanced by the pace of it's unfolding. Learning why her father was arrested loses it's impact if known beforehand. Reading about her early days brought me back to so many experiences I had and so many people I've known. Mascia pulls no punches in discussing how it was but she refuses to apologize for the good times. Mascia embraces the truth in all it's ugly glory. Confessing her own sins while examining those of her parents leaves the reader little choice but to accept them. There's no high horse here. Eventually every child grows up and must examine who their parents are as people. Sometimes it's not a pleasant experience. Family secrets almost never turn out the way one hopes they would. Ultimately, we find we can never know all of the story.

Never Tell Our Business To Strangers is an exceptional look at 'the life' and it's effects on the imperfect people who live it. It would probably be a great choice for your book club, but be prepared to find out some of your friends have been keeping their business to themselves as well. "He seemed like such a nice man!" isn't just a cliche, it's often the truth.

I thought this book was going to be a really fascinating look at a girl who grew up with a father who was a killer. I had the summary part right but the "fascinating" part wrong.

Cons: Whenever I see a book that's over 300 pages long, my automatic reaction is, "I bet you the editor could've cut this book down." And I have YET to be wrong. This book could've ended four times! I stopped at page 292 because I was just dead tired of reading the same theme over and over again.

Problem 1: It's difficult enough to be around someone who is dying a slow death, but did readers need to learn about it chapter by chapter? Both parents died a very slow death from cancer, and the author felt the need to tell us every single gory detail and even chapters full of how they almost died, but nope still had cancer, almost died again, nope still cancer, okay dead. Now onto the next parent. Beating a dead horse is an understatement. This book didn't just beat the horse. It tried to ride the horse after flies had grown bored with the horse too. All of the chapters on both parents' deaths could've been summed up in one chapter. It didn't lend to the plot. I didn't learn anything new. It was just filler.

Problem 2: The chapters on the author's boyfriends didn't lend anything to the plot either. Yes, we found out somebody was aggressive, but if that whole segment would've been taken out, nobody would've missed it.

Problem 3: The narrator picked the most INAPPROPRIATE times to bring things up. The mother found out she has cancer, and the narrator wants to know if the father cheated. She's searching with other family, going to her mother, going to the alleged cheatee, and just fishing for more scandal as if a killer father and two parents with cancer isn't enough juice. What reasonably sensitive human being would ask a woman on her last days if her husband cheated? That's the last thing on my mind when someone dies. Even more insensitive was her need to open her big mouth again to broadcast to her father she knew about his past on HIS deathbed. Howard Stern has more tact than this lady.

Problem 4: Every other paragraph the narrator was crying...again. And when she was crying, she always felt the need to let readers know how snot was dribbling down her nose. And she didn't just cry. There was always a scene with her falling all over the place and barely being able to breathe. She cried so much BEFORE her parents died to the point that I didn't care when it really was something to cry about.

Problem 5: When the parents died, the narrator wanted to remind us that her father was a killer...repeatedly. We get it. We're over it. Move on! We didn't forget he was a killer in the chapter before that or the one before that. Then there a psychologist she went to and ran the dialogue down in detail, never mind that we'd read it in every other chapter. Then here comes the reporting gig. And guess what she did? You guessed it. Researched her father as a killer...some more because her mother on her deathbed didn't give enough information.

My attitude while reading this book was "Who cares? Seriously, this is YOUR father. I know it's terrible to be a killer, but why is the narrator so determined to find out as many bad things as she could about her father and disappointment in her mother for not leaving him ESPECIALLY when he was clean the entire time the narrator was alive."

Problem 6: The scene about her mother cleaning up feces pissed me off the most. The audacity of this girl. Who does that to her mother? Who ignores a woman who is cleaning up YOUR toilet bowl?

I just cannot finish this book even if it's less than 100 pages left. I tried hard. But I'm frustrated with the narrator. I was interested in her father's background at first, but the way the narrator went about finding more information was so tacky that it made me not want to know. I don't even care what he did. I'm so disappointed because this book could've been chopped in half, told the same story, and it should've started with her being a reporter and then just had excerpts from her childhood to add better pace to the book. I know I would've liked the book better had I liked the main character, but she was just so incredibly selfish.

Here's a memoir about what I thought would make a great story: a girl surviving life with a murderous, drug dealing father and equally dysfunctional mother. The story, however, breaks down due to poor writing, a lack of good editing and (in my opinion) a subtext that paints an often rose-tinted view of author Mascia's parents amid all the abuse, neglect and crime. No one is perfect and some of us are, ahem, less perfect than others. But Mascia fails to make me understand how she could love (and subtly excuse) their behavior, just because they are her parents. That this biography made it beyond the "pitch" at Random House is understandable. But as a finished manuscript, I'm bewildered that this book was greenlighted. Not recommended.