Customer Reviews

The New Dare to Discipline

5 star:		(102)
4 star:		(16)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(112)

 

 

I read the original Dare to Discipline book when my first two kids were 5 and 3 yrs old. The book taught my wife and I that much of what our old fashioned parents did in the way of spanking and punishment was really for our own good. But the book did more than that, it taught us that NOT everything our parents did was healthy or esteem building. Dr Dobson stressed that spanking was best limited to willful disobediance and unsafe/harmful behavior. I've seen the opposite of this philosophy so many times at the Mall, the Grocery Store and the ball field it makes my head spin. Too many parents yell at their kids or ask their kids over and over again to do this or go there...and the kids merely blow them off. Why should they obey when there are no serious consequences for disrespect behavior? Other parents pull out the belt or paddle for all deviations (which, of course, borders on abuse). Anyway, my wife and I spanked occasionally when our kids were blowing us off...when they were purposefully hurting other kids...when they acting in an unsafe manner (playing in the street or sticking their fingers in the sockets). My older kids are both full 4-yr scholarship winners in college and their younger siblings are straight-A students. Our kids also receive consistent praise from teachers, coaches and church leaders for their positive and respectful attitudes. Dr Dobson's advice works...especially if both you and your spouse use the techniques consistently.

After actually reading the entire book, it is clear that Dr. Dobson promotes a loving discipline that allows children to feel loved and accepted with a perfect combination of freedom and safety. What I like most about this book is its focus on nurturing imperfect yet cooperative and loving children. It amazes me that some people actually believe this book promotes abuse and harsh treatment of children. ... This book is for those people who really care for their children and their future. It is a perfect book that mixes common sense with sound professional advice based on years of research and experience. It is true that Dr. Dobson is not against corporal punishment. He stresses the appropriate use of it in limited circumstances. It is refreshing to read a book that is well balanced in this way. He resists the temptation to be cave in to the political correctness idea of no spanking, yet he draws the line and openly rebukes those who use corporal punishment as the chief way to discipline. If you are looking for a well balanced approach on discipline that focuses on love, nurturance, communication, and responsibility; this book is a must!

I am deeply saddened to see much of the negative, and frankly, flat out inaccurate information that many people have written in their reviews about this book. Before reading this book, I read many reviews, particularly the negative ones. And, after having carefully read the book, I am dismayed at how many reviewers clearly have not read it as their reviews grossly did not reflect what was in it.

My expectation was that Dare to Disclipline was going to be an advice book based on Dr. Dobson's experience. And while he did share many of his experiences (which were in an impressive variety of settings with children and families), I was surprised to see that it was far more what I would consider a summary of research study findings, and MANY thereof.

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT a spanking book or a book advocating voilence in any way, and Dr. Dobson makes that very clear in his book. To suggest that these claims are made is simply pure fallacy.

Lastly, I want to state that before reading this book, I knew virtually nothing of Dr. Dobson except that he is a significant part of "Focus on the Family." And since having read this book and starting another, which I am only 1/3rd of the way into and it has already well-surpassed the number of research references that Dare to Disclipline had in it as a whole, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Dr. Dobson. I cannot think of someone more qualified to write books about raising children than a man of his education, profound experience, and sheer eloquence in the delivery of such often sensitive information. I am grateful that such a person is available to give parents such valuable information, and I hope readers get as much out of it as I did.

In response to the "spotlighted" reviews, the selection of those two seeming to be a bit biased from Amazon: I was spanked as a child, and usually not in love, not raised in a Christian or even religious or spiritual home. Wooden spoons, fly swatters, bare hands. I did not struggle with any of those deep emotional issues that one of the previous reviewers did. I will strongly assert that spanking and this form of discipline did not cause those fears and insecurities, but likely subtle messages, verbal and non verbal, physical and non physical, from the parents to the child over their entire life time led them to believe nothing they could do was good enough. Correcting a child, even if it means spanking, does not tell they child they are not good enough.

Reasoning with a child is usually the most effective method - get on their level, explain to them why they should not do something or why what they did was inappropriate. However, some children get so worked up, or are constantly so worked up, that they cannot be reasoned with. A stinging smack on the cheeks is a good wake up call that they are not in charge, they are not the boss, and they cannot do whatever they please. It teaches them they are a child, a parent knows best and should be listened too. Age and the wisdom that comes with it are revered in every culture and society except the US, where age equals senility.

The verse "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is often used to support spanking. But in a contextual sense, a rod was used by a shepherd to guide sheep, not to beat them. Sometimes it was necessary for a shepherd to tap a sheep on the legs or behind with the rod when it insisted on wandering off or out of the herd where it would be out of the protection of the shepherd.

Reasoning with a child, listening to them and explaining to them instead of saying "Because I said so" or "Because I'm the parent" are effective ways of "using a rod" to guide your child. Spanking, when done correctly (not in anger and only after a child realises it is a consequence for something inappropriate he did AND only after any other method has proven ineffective) is also a useful tool for reminding a child of his place.

Every one of my friends has shared that they were spanked as a child and while discipline, which is unpleasant at the time, seemed unfair, we all agree that we are all the better for it now.

Anyone could agree that the child losing it's temper with mom saying "please don't do that" is never going to teach the child they can't have their way. It will teach them they can go on any way they like because there are no consequences.

To read some of the other reviews here it sounds like this is a how to book on beating your child. Fortunately I decided to read this book and make up my mind for myself. This is not a "spanking book". This is a book about teaching a child discipline at home and school. One of the methods Dr. Dobson advocates is spanking, but this is definitely not the only means he mentions! Along with other non-physical negative reinforcements, he also lists and promotes many different positive reinforcements you can use with your child.

I would recommend this book even to someone who never plans on spanking their kids, not because I think they'll get talked into spanking by this book (although he does make a good argument for it), but rather because his method and philosophy could be implemented even without spanking. This book delivers an important message about discipline that I think all parents should rather, regardless of which side of the spanking camp they're on. Basically the most important (but definitely not only) message I got from this was is if your child openly and defiantly decides to challenge your authority, you should win that battle decisively. Spanking is but one method to win that battle. If more children respected their parents' authority our kids would be a lot better off. Of course that assumes the parents are deserving of respect, but if you're taking the time to read parenting book reviews I assume that you are. :)

Still not convinced this book that this book isn't only about spanking? In his book Dr. Dobson states that:
* All out spankings are not often required.
* Spankings should be reserved for a child's moments of greatest antagonism, usually occurring after the third birthday.
* As a general guideline, most corporal punishment should be finished prior to first grade.
* There are children for whom spanking is not appropriate (he gives specific examples of this, but he also states that "there is no substitute for knowledge and understanding of a particular boy or girl").

Lastly, this book isn't solely about discipline. I was also pleasantly surprised by the large amount of time spent addressing problems and solutions that come up during elementary through high school education. There are also sections on sex ed and drugs.

I have read over 30 of these so-called reviews and have not found one that offers an alternative. Please comment my comment if you disagree with me. I have read many people who say there has to be a kinder-gentler way. Also, creative parenting is thrown out there many times and someone actually waited 4 hours on their child to obey.

I was not raised by practicing christians or available parents. They were far from perfect as are all of us! No one in my family has ever read this book until I have, yet I was raised on these principles. I am now a father, husband, very active in community service, and have a solid career, and I just turned 23. I'd say that is well adjusted and I have only for the passed few years been out of that hormonal roller-coaster called puberty! There were few times that I got spanked but I recieved plenty of corporal punishment. I have dug holes just to fill them, moved piles of rocks just to move them, scraped paint off the house just to repaint it, etc. The non-physical corporal punishment provided plenty of time for me to reflect on my behavior. (At the time I'd go one step farther to figure out a way to get away with it next time, but I'd have to learn right and wrong later).

In those few times (less than 5) that I was "whooped up on" it was always out of sheer difiance and disrespect. And I MEAN what I say. Those few instances have stuck out to me like a guidepost leading me not to treat anyone the way that I had treated my parents. You may think that if that only happend less than 5 times then they were doing something right, I was otherwise out of control. Out of all of that those instances of disrespect/difiance="whooping" were the only constants.

I'd have to say that more important than creative alternatives, as parents we have to buckle down and provide consistant dicipline. We all know that it is harder to remain consistant than to be ficle under the guise of "creative parenting".

Finally, I don't believe that ANY book on parenting, psychology, counciling, etc. can be a stand-alone product. We as a society need to stop looking for a quick-fix and Wal-Mart (one stop shop) products. And if parents would spend as much time in consistant parenting as they did with looking for the next best single, simple, successful style of parenting... the whole country would change.

The toughest question I get from my child is "Why does that little boy or girl naughty all the time?" She knows the rules and she knows the consequences of breaking them. What she can not understand is why other parents don't stop their children from behaving like wild animals. I love her sense of humor and brutal honesty. In fact my children me so proud on a daily basis. I often wonder why parents let kids treat them like slaves when they would have such better relationships by defining the rules and sticking to them.

The propaganda about a spanking being abuse blows my mind. I am not violent, nor is my daughter, and my parents wouldn't hurt a fly. Whats more I witness more violent behavior from the children of permissive parents than anywhere else. Just because I spank does not mean I only spank to punish, nor do I have to. I don't ever want to punish my children in anyway. What parent does? But it must be done when a child does not want to follow the rules.

The whining reviews of people who claimed their parents strict adherence to this book are laughable. This era of "blame your parents because you don't like yourself" is maddening. I made bad choices because I wanted to, not because my parents pushed me to it. You know right from wrong, don't try to plead insanity on the grounds of your parents giving rules to live by and punishing you for breaking them. Be mature enough to claim responsibility for your actions.

I used to think life would have been more fun if my parents acted like some of my friends parents but as I watched those kids fall into risky lifestyles I realized my parents were just working hard to put me on the right path. I thank my parents now for being so strict and admire them for not trying to pacify me. In this country we are all facing hard times which are the consequences of a lax moral standard. Schools have no authority anymore and juvenile courts give delinquents a time out instead giving them severe consequences to deter them from re-offending. Parents today need to get a backbone and raise their children to have integrity. This society will crumble under the current social and economic strains if we do not teach our children discipline and morals.

I have breastfed, co-slept, and lavished love on my children but I will not let them disobey the rules with out a consequence. What is so terrible about that?

I truly cannot fathom what book some of these other reviewers read - it surely can't be the same one. This book offered pretty practical information that I would consider to be traditional, maybe even old-fashioned...but it works! My parents did similar things with me and I have no emotional scars or voids - we have a fabulous relationship and I am a healthy, functional adult.

Yes, in certain very specific cirumstances he does advocate spanking, but that's like any other book - you dont have to do it. If you are opposed to corporal punishment, then modify his suggestions to work for your family.

I think this is a very good, very practical resource to help parents, and it has been grossly misrepresented and unfairly characterized by other reviewers.

I am from the Old School. Having respect for parents which I have for mine and continue the teachings on to my children. I loved reading this book and I agree very much with his teachings. I would recommend this book to every concerned parent. I am very proud to bring my children out in public for they are very well mannered and respectfull. I feel much more secure and confident in my teachings with my children and I have seen the results to discipline with love and it certainly has made our family into a more enjoyable household. I believe in teaching your children young and the rest will all become alot more easier as they grow into their teenage years. I liked his book so much I went and purchased all of his other books he wrote.

I've read the book a few times since my daughter was born. She is only 2yrs old. I didn't buy this book because i wanted a fool-proof manual in rearing my child, but i bought it as a guide, something to refer to if i should encounter some discipline problems.
I believe that the reason people have issues with this book is because they view it as some religious method of discipline which it's not. He does mention "stuff" that religious and to be honest I usually skip over that mumbo-jumbo. I could careless about scripture this or book of whatever. What you want to get out of if this book is experiences other parents have encountered (some which are probably similar things you have gone through or will go through in the near future) and ways they have handled it. If anything it sheds a light on why and how the parents reaction to the problem was wrong and how it could have been handled differently.
I grew up in a household were both my parents used spanking (sometimes I thought it was a bit excessive, but as i became an adult, i've thanked them for loving me enough to do that). My parents had six kids, 3 older ones (32, 30 (me), 27) and they have 3 younger ones (19, 16, 9). The youngers didn't get the same discipline as the older ones did and i have to say, you can see a big difference. The 19yr old used drugs, drugged my mom so she can leave the house, cut classes, the list goes on and on. The 16yr old has a son that's almost 2yrs old, and the 9year old is having an extremely hard time in school. Now i dont know what happened to my parents that made them decide not to discipline the younger ones (maybe they got tired and old) but I really feel horrible for them because they didnt' have the discipline and love that the older ones had. But anyway, I consider myself a good human being and in no way telling anyone to go beat the living snot out of their kids. But I do suggest you read the book for yourself and not become a fanatic or anything like that. Dont' read too much into the book, Don't follow it word for word.. merely use it as a guide and you wont go wrong. Dont be scared about disciplining your kids, if you do it right with love, caring and their best interest at heart they'll thank you when they become parents.