The New Don't Blame Mother : Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship [Paperback]

Paula Caplan (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0415926300 | ISBN-13: 978-0415926300 | Publication Date: March 2000 | Edition: 1

In 1990, Paula Caplan, a nationally recognized expert on the psychology of women, wrote the groundbreaking Don't Blame Mother . Now, almost ten years later, she finds that we are still blaming mothers. Fully revised updated with a new introduction, this second edition prposes new ways of mending the mother-daughter relationship. The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship shows us that dangerous myths about mothers pervade our culture and have created or aggravated many of the problems between mothers and daughters. Myths of the "Perfect Mother" give rise to impossible expectations and set mothers up for failure - good mothers don't get angry, good mothers are endlessly giving - and myths of the "Bad Mother" exaggerate mothers' failings and create a monster figure in her image-mothers are too needy, mothers can't let go. Caplan shows that if women can identify these myths then they can take concrete steps to build a strong and loving relationship with their mothers. The New Don't Blame Mother Shows how the anger and agony of the mother-daughter relationship can be replaced with a new bond based on understanding and respect. The New Don't Blame Mother is a must read for all mothers and daughters. Caplan, drawing on over twenty-five years of research, clinical practice, and the experience of workshop participants, will show you how to stop blaming mother and, instead, start loving her.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

At least since Freud, mothers have borne the brunt of blame for many of their family members' personal problems, defects and failures. But even cynics may be stunned by Caplan's documentation of a mother who was labeled "hysterical" and lost custody of her children after she accused their father of sexually abusing them. Many such injustices are highlighted in this edition, substantially revised from the 1988 original, building a solid case for Caplan's claim of widespread "mother-blaming." As cultural scapegoats, mothers are often viewed and treated by influential "experts" as unstable, emotionally needy, selflessly giving, smothering and tyrannically powerful. Caplan outlines 10 pervasive myths wherein all mothers are deemed either "perfect" or "bad," a double bind perhaps best illustrated by the myth that both working and stay-at-home moms are somehow "wrong." Fathers are in for a bit of culpability here, but Caplan doesn't offer many solutions for the problems that people often blame on their mothers. Instead, she concentrates on political arguments and rehabilitating the mother-daughter relationship itself. She encourages the daughter to "demythologize" her mother and forge an alliance by, among other things, drawing out her mother's life story and finding qualities to respect in her. Though some of the author's suggestions, including her "expressive training" in which mothers and daughters resolve problems through role-playing, may be simplistic, Caplan effectively articulates an indisputable societal offense and offers the first steps toward its remedy. (May)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

In this revision of her 1989 book of the same title, Caplan, a clinical and research psychologist, examines the pervasiveness of mother-blame in society and identifies ten myths surrounding motherhood (e.g., "good mothers" don't get angry). She takes an especially close look at the role psychologists and therapists have played in promoting these myths. The book's second half makes suggestions for improving relationships between mothers and adult daughters through honest communication and a rejection of the myths. Certainly, readers will question some of Caplan's views of women and mothers: she seems to overlook many healthy, thriving mother-daughter relationships, and not all readers will agree that the myth of male superiority is as widespread as the author suggests. Nevertheless, this work is well researched, with extensive notes and suggestions for improving relationships. Recommended for public libraries.
-Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Routledge; 1 edition (March 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0415926300
• ISBN-13: 978-0415926300
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #110,553 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The New Don't Blame Mother Mending Mother-Daughter Relationship, September 17, 2010

By 

gkirk214 - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The New Don't Blame Mother : Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship (Paperback)

This is the best book I've read on healing the relationship with Mother-Daughter! Great Great Book! However, this book needs to have an additional book with a title for healing the Mother-Son relationship or Healing the Mother Daughter and Son relationship. Every Man and Son needs to read this book but they won't due to the title. We need to heal Son's as well as Daughter's relationship and stop the blamming toward the one who loved us the most. I hope the Author Paula Caplan gets this information as I have not found a way to contact her.
Thanks gail

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars good reading, February 16, 2011

By 

romy - See all my reviews

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This review is from: The New Don't Blame Mother : Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship (Paperback)

For once someone isn't looking to scape goat the female parent as has always been done in the past. Yes, moms make mistakes but adult daughters need to stop listening to Fraudism entirely and always blaming mom for everything. Helps moms understand their kids better to. Good read

7 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars It isn't Mom's fault, July 25, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: The New Don't Blame Mother : Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship (Paperback)

Takes a look at how children -- particularly daughters -- tend to blame their mothers for everything going wrong in their lives. Has a heavily feminist bent to it, a kind of "why fight when we are all really just sisters?" feel.... While lucidly written, it is still part of a cadre of other self-help books on the topic.